Son dumped by gf -update

Has he been harassing her just for the fun of it, then? Why repeatedly call and text someone he's not wanting back? Perhaps he's just dealing with a hurt ego and hating that she walked away.

Either way, she dodged a couple of bullets.

And that is why the OPs son needs to be even more careful how he treads - he needs to resist all temptation to try and win her back, he's already got close to the line, as if we are right she doesn't want him around (because there is someone else) and won't think twice about chucking him under the bus if he pushes his luck.

Regardless he needs to step away, dust himself off and crack on with life without her - and perhaps learn a few lessons along the way.

Isn’t this the other way round

She loved him enough to expect marriage

It was your DS who after 3 years didn’t love her enough to ask her to marry him.

When was he going to be ready.

I think this is the dumped BF here protesting 😂

Oh so the gf should drag him kicking and screaming into a marriage that he doesn't want? If she wants marriage/children and he doesn't or can't make his mind up then they are incompatible

She initiated a conversation but he shut her down. She even waited some months. He didn't attempt a "beautiful dialogue" with her at all but was happy to live in her house knowing she was unhappy with the fact he wouldn't even discuss it

But at the end of the day she didn't want to be strung along indefinitely

I'll admit to not having R all 52 total pages of the FT so i'm sure this has been said ad nauseam but... 27 and 30 years old!!! From the OP I had initially assumed they were early twenties. Starting again at 27 is "risky", perhaps, but it's infinitely less risky than starting again at 37 once someone's precious son has wasted even more of your life. Hell, it's not even risky; I started again at the age of 27 just this year and I feel like I've been given a second chance at life. Now I can either spend my youth and my fertility on someone worthwhile, or I can enjoy the peace and safety of my own company. Bliss.

@Bungle2168 So she asked her boyfriend of 3 years "do you want to marry me?" as a way to break up with him? That sounds... complicated. What if he'd said yes?

SO WHY IS HE SO UPSET NOW SHE HAS DUMPED HIM?

No ones arguing with that?

So why is he begging for her back now she don’t want him 😂😂😂

Poor lad 😂😂

She’s 27.

What tantrum? She told him, to his face, that she was done with the relationship. What else was she supposed to do other than carry on with her life? Hold his hand and wail along with him?

It’s not a faff-up: the son DID NOT WANT HER as a wife.

Who said she didn’t dump him face to face. And either way he is the homeless guy trying to win his ex back. Self worth in the drains.

Bullshit. She wanted him out of her house. His stalkerish behaviour was probably scary. Been there, had that.

Ending a relationship isn't a tantrum. It's a break. Leave. No more.

What the son was doing was the tantrum. Calling. Begging. Wanting to go back to the flat when she was there.

Your son’s problem is you.
Take off the blinkers and see him for what he is. He thought his gf would always be there like mummy. Always devote herself to him like mummy. Wouldn’t expect anything from him like mummy. Give to him like mummy.
No.
Your husband’s intent on making him man up. Shut up with the intervention, thought that the gf has missed a golden opportunity, that poor son is heartbroken.
No.
This 30 year old man needs to realise the he’s one of many and in a queue of choice.

So she tried to initiate a conversation about the future and marriage but he shuts her down - called her "silly" and wouldn't even have a conversation

She waits a few months but he does nothing

She decides there is no future in the relationship and it's time to move on

.... but you think she should drag him against his will into a marriage

100%. Any woman who has ended a LTR can tell you the moment it clicked into 'over' for her. I can tell you the date for my 2 exes. I remember where they were standing, what they said, how I felt. Instant heartbreak (for me). Their heartbreak came later when I left. Like the OP's son, they both were confident they were in a secure relationship, no idea they ended it by ignoring my feelings.

Cherchez l'homme.

I think you have hit the nail bang on the head. Perhaps the talk of marriage is a red herring - a trumped up reason to blame the OP’s son for the breakdown of the relationship when it she who has brought it down.

The OP said this outcome basically came out of the blue, and, as one sage Mumsnetter once remarked “If things do not make sense, it is because there is something you are not being told.”

I reckon the girlfriend is one crafty cookie.

I agree with you if her self worth is waiting around from age 27 to age 30 and then running away in a tantrum: she couldn’t even stay to look him in the eye when she wanted him to pack his bags.

Spineless and worthless.

No shit, as ‘being a wife’ does tend to require marriage. Got any more stunning insights?

What makes a wife, then, @Saladbrains? Someone who’ll put up with crumbs? A woman who’ll be strung along at someone else’s convenience in order to “be kind”? Someone who takes back a man who could only be arsed to treat her with any importance once he realised his comfortable lifestyle had come to an abrupt end? Someone who’ll put up will put up with being ridiculed for wanting to be treated honestly and fairly?

Do tell.

Edit: I see from your previous post that it’s someone who acts selflessly and elegantly. The 50s called and wanted their attitudes back. The 1850s.

I agree with your last paragraph: from his perspective she wasn’t wife material.

They’re both better off going separate ways.

But the gf is not the heroine many of the previous posters here suggest. She’s just one of two people who let the relationship drag on far too long.

She showed he true colours by the immature ending; which clearly many posters here agree with, extolling their own selfishnesses as well.

Relationships can be brought to a close far more elegantly than the gf did.

Which is exactly why the ex girlfriend was 100% correct to end it sooner rather than later, given that OP’s son preferred having her around for wife-services without committing.

So why is he chasing her now? Is he trying to win back the chance to be the one who dumps her?

I can't work out your salad brain thoughts.