Son dumped by gf -update

If as you say “he was reliant upon her for the roof over his head” she’ll be selling the property to give him his fair half-share of the proceeds.

You sound very bitter, it's not this man, it's op's son and just telling a woman that he doesn't want to follow silly timelines isn't a reason for breakup and blocking. Op's son will do better and the ex will wait much longer for a marriage proposal from whoever she's seeing.

I know what you’re aiming for is ‘Knowledgeable in the field of human relationship and how women work’, but you somehow keep landing on ‘Women? I’m familiar with those creatures. I read about them. Once. Thirty years ago’.

If I’m failing to extend enough respect to engage in a conversation with someone who I’m not only supposed to love, but am reliant upon for the roof over my head, then I would consider any resultant short shrift to be earned. No need for kid gloves and biblical angst.

Anyway, no one has said he can’t feel aggrieved. He can. That he feels aggrieved does not mean that she’s done anything wrong.

“Because No means No”

She didn’t listen to his “no” way back when she was pressurising him to get married.

He had then and still has now the right to say “no”.

Gf chose to wait around stewing and cooking up the Christmas getaway-and-dump-him-plan yet you’re saying she is the innocent here.

Grow up and stop hiding her behind the badge of victimhood.

They weren’t a good match and when he offered her the shut-up-pity-ring-she’d-said-she-wanted she finally realised they had to get off the merry-go-round.

They co-created this outcome, manifested it together.

You lot can’t wait to pack together and tear someone down.

They were 24 and 27 years old when this started, they don’t have your peri-wrinklies’ decades of wisdom behind them because they’re finding these things out first time around.

Not on something this fundamental, and after so long no.

With him 30 and her 27. Especially if the GF wants to have children. Why would she? He made his feelings clear, she was 'silly' for trying to discuss it and her wants for the future. He was the big I am and would make the decisions unilaterally so she could just sit down, be quiet and wait for the day if and when he decided that he wanted to discuss it.

This guy had lived in the GFs house and had all the benefits of a marriage, but when asked about a discussion on the future possibility of getting married he belittled and demeaned her. He could see she was upset and didn't address it, or offer any further discussion.

As others have said, it's fine if he's not ready or will never be ready to marry, but he doesn't get to shut down discussion about it. That's not how loving relationships work, you're supposed to communicate honestly with each other.

He's lucky he got three months grace while she processed all this and dealt quietly with her hurt. He's even luckier after that shoddy treatment of her, that she was going to let him stay in her property till after Christmas but he shot himself in the foot by harassing her.

I think there's more to this than OP is letting on, or possibly it would be kinder to say that there more to this than the OP actually knows.

There's little hints that the son is actually a bit of an arsehole frankly. Future faking and possible cocklodging #1, Son's attitude over the possibility of marriage discussion #2, then the co-dependant 'shut up' panic ring #3, the harassment to take him back #4, and then the planned ambush after she asked him to leave because of the harassment #5.

I think we'd hear a very different story if the GF were able to tell her side. I think she's suffered the death of this relationship through a thousand cuts. I think she's been very smart, and I wish more young women knew their worth and had such iron self esteem as she did.

I think the OP's son has treated his exGF very badly, cruelly in fact. I don't think he's the catch he or his mum thinks he is 😂

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

Please explain why you think a break up needs to be a negotiation?

The gf realised they both wanted very different things. She asked if he wanted to marry her, he said no not right now. She asked if he had any timeline in mind, he said timelines were silly

If the gf wants to marry and have kids then what more is there to say? Should she try to change his mind? But even if that worked she'd be left with a half-hearted husband who might well end up resentful that she'd 'nagged' him into trying the knot and fatherhood.

It's completely normal to want to get married. It's completely normal to want the other person to actuallywant to marry you. He couldn't give her that and so she knew the relationship was doomed and broke up with him. Why would it require multiple conversations potentially stretched out over months/years?

You’re absolutely right, the bastard should have gone along with her and commenced the joyful nuptials apace. Sod his own feelings, they don’t matter, everyone knows it’s all about hers on this thread.

💯 % agree

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

Well done to your husband. Your son has got his wish, he's not getting married for the time being. His response to the girlfriend must have come across as patronising , 'now now, dear, we shall marry in my own good time and you will be advised when I deem it right to tell you'.

When we say we hope he has learned his lesson or will do better next time, do we mean next time he should get married before he is ready? What bat shittery is this???!!

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

The amount of sexism or internalised misogyny on display in this thread and the last, including from the OP is worrying. At least the majority of posters agree that the GF in this scenario was the mature, sensible one after being strung along for so long by a future faker.

@OneGreenPoster your son is cruel to have used the GF as a placeholder. He belittled and dismissed her. I agree with others who said I think this was death by a thousand cuts for the GF.

Once she ended things you said he spoke to her the next day and offered to go buy a ring the day after that? Not that he suddenly realised that he was being ridiculous and that he really did want to marry her so why put it off, but begrudgingly hoping she'd accept the shut up pity ring so he might be able to hang onto his placeholder for a bit longer.

He didn't do the decent thing and look for a place to stay. I bet he hoped he could wear her down and get her to take him back. As a placeholder only of course.

She did not accept the shut up ring, and bloody good for her! So your son has been harassing her while she was away for a holiday! He harassed her so much that she had to ask him to move out immediately and block him!

Then instead of getting his stuff together and getting out of her property asap, he planned to ambush her when she returned home!

I know you're determined to paint the GF as in the wrong and your son as the poor hard done by party, but he is not the decent, sweet boy you think he is. He has acted terribly, and strayed into possibly abusive territory with the harassment and planned ambush.

He's very lucky your DH sees what he's really like, but you aren't helping him at all with your take on this.

There is apparently a large number of lonely, young single men these days. Women have realised their worth thank fuck! A lot of women are choosing to remain single these days because men, like your DS, are just not good enough. They are lazy, entitled, and not a little sexist, and these young women are seeing this and realising that actually they are much happier either single, or finding a partner who will treat them decently for starters, and wants the same things they want.

If your son doesn't buck up his ideas very quickly and learn the lessons his father is trying to teach him, he's going to end up one of those lonely men. He might pinball from relationship to relationship, but he won't be truly happy, he'll be with a string of someone's but lonely - like I assume your DH is truly happy to have met, married and had a family with you, being a team through life's ups and downs, working toward shared goals and caring about each other's needs - or me might just find himself alone, and lonely.

The GF on the other hand, it sounds like she's a smart young woman who is pro-active in going after what she wants! I like the sound of her, and I think she'll be very happy with her decision to dump your son, even if she's hurting now, and I expect she is hurting very much. She loved your son enough to want to build a life with him, and he belittled and demeaned her. She was right to dump him.

The amount of sexism or internalised misogyny on display in this thread and the last, including from the OP is worrying. At least the majority of posters agree that the GF in this scenario was the mature, sensible one after being strung along for so long by a future faker.

@OneGreenPoster your son is cruel to have used the GF as a placeholder. He belittled and dismissed her. I agree with others who said I think this was death by a thousand cuts for the GF.

Once she ended things you said he spoke to her the next day and offered to go buy a ring the day after that? Not that he suddenly realised that he was being ridiculous and that he really did want to marry her so why put it off, but begrudgingly hoping she'd accept the shut up pity ring so he might be able to hang onto his placeholder for a bit longer.

He didn't do the decent thing and look for a place to stay. I bet he hoped he could wear her down and get her to take him back. As a placeholder only of course.

She did not accept the shut up ring, and bloody good for her! So your son has been harassing her while she was away for a holiday! He harassed her so much that she had to ask him to move out immediately and block him!

Then instead of getting his stuff together and getting out of her property asap, he planned to ambush her when she returned home!

I know you're determined to paint the GF as in the wrong and your son as the poor hard done by party, but he is not the decent, sweet boy you think he is. He has acted terribly, and strayed into possibly abusive territory with the harassment and planned ambush.

He's very lucky your DH sees what he's really like, but you aren't helping him at all with your take on this.

There is apparently a large number of lonely, young single men these days. Women have realised their worth thank fuck! A lot of women are choosing to remain single these days because men, like your DS, are just not good enough. They are lazy, entitled, and not a little sexist, and these young women are seeing this and realising that actually they are much happier either single, or finding a partner who will treat them decently for starters, and wants the same things they want.

If your son doesn't buck up his ideas very quickly and learn the lessons his father is trying to teach him, he's going to end up one of those lonely men. He might pinball from relationship to relationship, but he won't be truly happy, he'll be with a string of someone's but lonely - like I assume your DH is truly happy to have met, married and had a family with you, being a team through life's ups and downs, working toward shared goals and caring about each other's needs - or me might just find himself alone, and lonely.

The GF on the other hand, it sounds like she's a smart young woman who is pro-active in going after what she wants! I like the sound of her, and I think she'll be very happy with her decision to dump your son, even if she's hurting now, and I expect she is hurting very much. She loved your son enough to want to build a life with him, and he belittled and demeaned her. She was right to dump him.