aibu to think this is a shitty move?
long story as short as I can but will answer qus if needed.
we have 3 children 17, 14,11. Husband was ok with kids when they were very small- not amazing but he played with them etc. as they got older he was less able to cope with them not doing exactly what he wants and basically them having a mind of their own. He largely ignored them, most of the communication he had was to shout at them or tell them off. Dd17 has told me in recent years she went from ages 12-15 not feeling like she could ask him anything, a couple of pounds to go out with friends, if he was in a room she would leave etc, she felt on edge. We split up 2 years ago and I’ve encouraged a relationship between them but dd14 had a spell of about 6 months not speaking to him because of how he is. (Self centred, quick tempered, ignorant of other people’s feelings) and has said some horrible things in the past, mainly to me but increasingly to dc as they’ve got older.
dd17 was on speaking terms with him but something has changed I think she’s been thinking about things and thinking that how he was with her means she doesn’t want him in her life. I’ve tried to say to not cut him out completely just be civil as she may feel differently when she’s older, but she’s adamant. She’s not spoken to him at all in 6 months and she has changed her surname by deed poll. He was understandably upset about this but I had warned him for years even before we split up that their relationship would break if he didn’t improve how he was.
anyway she didn’t wish him happy birthday in September or get him a gift, and now he’s said (to me) she doesn’t care and isn’t making an effort with him so he’s not bothering getting her anything. (Her siblings will get presents from him)
yabu- it goes two ways, if she can’t be bothered then why should he?
yanbu- as the parent he should be making an effort and showing he loves her regardless and this will only make her more sure that he doesn’t care