To still be upset and I can’t believe my husband doesn’t get it

The wedding stuff doesn’t seem a big deal at all. You weren’t singled out or unfairly treated, and to be so upset about it you are holding back tears at their wedding pics is a bit OTT. It sounds like there is back story though.

Your SIL did not invite any of her siblings partners, so while slightly unusual perhaps, you were not singled out in this. Ultimately, it was their wedding and their choice. You need to let it go.

In terms of your DH’s comments re your wedding, I suspect that (however good your own wedding day may have been) people often look back and think that it might have been better with fewer people/ less cost. I know I do. Our wedding was wonderful, but it was a compromise of what I wanted, my partner wanted and managing family expectations and desires. It was also exhausting and I’m not sure if I spent any quality time with anyone and certainly barely ate. If I did it again, it would be different and more intimate. It doesn’t take anything away from the day or the memory.

Their wedding, their choice. With weddings you can invite anyone you want, just be mindful some may not be able or want to come if kids/partners etc are not invited. It's nothing to be offended over, these things cost money.

He said we could have had a free bar like his sister and one of our friends had, if we had invited fewer people and their hangers on

This is tactless but I don’t see that it’s a particularly unreasonable view. Surely everyone balances number of guests with cost of everything else. Eg you could have invited even more people if you’d done it in a village hall and cheap catering, and fewer people if you’d spent money on a free bar etc. Everyone draws the line somewhere and I think it’s unreasonable to get annoyed at where someone else has drawn it, as if your line is the only correct one.
I can see why you’d want to go, but you weren’t singled out (as other siblings in law weren’t invited either) so it wasn’t personal.

ETA - I’ve not read the previous thread but reading PPs’ comments it sounds like the bigger issue is your husband’s behaviour generally.

Just read the start of your first thread.

Two completely separate issues. The not being invited to the wedding is rude and weird but ultimately not that big a deal. The lying to you and the screaming at you is horrendous. The wedding itself I could get over fairly quickly although I'd be disappointed. The other stuff is so much worse.

And the photos as presents is just cringy for them. I'd find that funny rather than upsetting.

They gave you a framed wedding photo as a gift? Leave it behind. Think highly of themselves, don't they?

Seriously OP you need to get past this, you're taking it far too seriously. Fuck them all off if it's still twisting in your guts. You don't have to have people in your life you feel bad around.

I think you're much more upset about your husband's behaviour than about SIL's wedding, and that the fact that they're linked in your mind gives you a reason to excuse DH and blame SiL.

It was a wedding, essentially for a guest it was a day out. No need for a lot of ongoing angst

From the linked post:

"husband pulled over and screamed at the top of his lungs a few centimetres from my face and in front of the kids"

DD best mate was killed this summer at the of 21 - that was devastating this is not. Honestly you need to get take stock and realise it really is not that bigger deal in the grand scheme of life.

Sounds like too much emotion being invested in this, when others don't care. I would not be investing too much of anything with that Sil.

You're massively overreacting.

I would love to not be invited to another wedding ever again.
Did your husband scream in your face, as a previous poster mentioned? That's not acceptable.

You're getting muddled up here. SIL can do as she pleases, I would just step back and leave that relationship and her DC etc to DH so he does all presents, arranges all meet ups etc or not as the case may be.
DH saying what he has is tackless, rude and unhelpful. I would speak to him about it and discuss why he he thinks free drinks are more important than relatives spouses? He can have a different opinion but the way he has expressed it talking about "hangers on" is awful, shows he doesn't think of your feelings and frankly doesn't seem to care!

Whilst at the time it would have been abit of a kick in the teeth that partners weren't invited I think you need to get a grip. Tearing up at the photo album? Time to move on.

YANBU to be upset that your husband screamed in your face, as per your previous post.

YABU to still be "devastated" that a blanket approach to wedding invites was applied to you in the same way it was to others (ie you weren't singled out or treated badly compared to anyone else).

It might be time to try and move past this.