To still be upset and I can’t believe my husband doesn’t get it

You are getting far too much of your self esteem from others and not enough from yourself.

OP you sound exhausting.

Honestly, I couldn’t cope with you if you were my DP.

This was nothing to do with your husband.
Yes he should have told you straight away and he definitely should not have shouted in your face, especially in front of the kids but this is nothing to do with him.

You are literally trying to create problems.
You’re now upset with him because of a comment about your wedding ffs.

I would actually say he’s in quite an abusive relationship because this sort of behaviour is not normal.

I think it was a very odd decision by SIL, but that's not what you're upset about now.

I’m sorry but you sound like hard work!! Over sensitive, over emotional and someone who takes every comment personally. Just take a deep breath and let things go. This is really not the end of the world, or some kind of sign that they hate or reject you. But if you carry on being a needy, high maintenance tearful Tess then it may well be the start of irritation and dislike, as evidenced by the rolling eyes

Yes but it’s not like she was the only spouse not invited. None of them were. It was the brides decision ( all be it a strange one ) and op needs to move past it

There’s probably a split of opinions here depending on people’s personal expectations about family relationships and how close they are to their siblings and inlaws.

It would cause huge issues in many families if spouses weren’t invited to a family wedding.

I would guess this is so wounding for the OP because her perceived value and position as a close member of her husband’s family is now very different. Plus her DH refuses to understand her in a weak attempt to excuse his family’s odd behaviour. It’s easier for him to disregard her than challenge their family beliefs.

You’re actually having to hold back tears over this? Grow up a bit.

I’m not having that. Talking about it front of someone they know was upset not to be invited is so rude.
Their wedding, they can invite who they want, blah blah. But people have feelings and excluding your in-laws comes with consequences of a potential deterioration in family relationships.

Yes, so it's about your husband, not SIL or her wedding.

So now you know sil isn't that arsed about you stop giving a shit about her.. She doesn't see you as family. Less time you need to waste keeping up appearances spending time with her..

You’ve really got no choice but to let it go now.

However I do sympathise, and I think they are incredibly rude to choose not to invite several members of the family and then spend an evening reminiscing about the said event in front of the excluded people.

If it were me, I’d never mention it again but wouldn’t go to any effort or care for them again either. They clearly don’t hold you in high regard.

I don't think I would get on well with your husband and his sister

You've spent the last six months upset about not being invited to a wedding.

I'd personally hedge my bets that there's something else going on, whether it be underlying depression or maybe issues within your marriage.

It would be worth exploring what the bigger picture is, so that you can resolve this for yourself.

OP can you see though, that this is obviously a very big deal to you, and you find it rude and hurtful, but other people simply do not see it that way and haven't meant any ill intention towards you, so you are shocked they brought it up, but they are just living their life, of course they are going to talk about their wedding and not feel awkward talking about it around people who weren't there, because to them its not a snub, they weren't snubbing you. You are allowed to have your own feelings, but surely you can see that you need to say to yourself 'I know it's not what I expect people to do, but they haven't done anything wrong or are deliverately trying to hurt me by not abiding by the 'rules', because they simply do not subscribe to the same rules I do on this point'

And about your husband... are you upset at what he said because of the problems in your marriage anyway, did you by any chance do the majority share of the lions work of organising your wedding so its hurtful because you feel like he's not appreciative of the effort you out in to make everyone happy at a cost to yourself? And you're now wondering why you even put that effort in?

It's insane that nearly a year later you are still crying over this. I could get it being a surprise when it first happened, but to be so emotional so much later is way over the top. You need to get past it.

YANBU to feel that way. It must feel horrible to be left out and for your DH to then disparage your own wedding. There's very little you can do about it but move on, but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel upset. My own brother didn't invite me to his wedding but it was just him and DSIL and two friends as witnesses so I didn't feel slighted. My DM was absolutely devastated to be left out though.

I honestly think this is insane from the sister in law. I would feel the same as you - to be honest, I would not have been at the Christmas event with his family because I would take the view that I clearly am not family. If asked to go by my husband I would say “oh, sorry, I don’t go to your family events anymore. I thought you thought that was fine?”

What a strange thing to do.

I do think you need to move past what your husband said, he probably felt caught in the middle and wanted to excuse his sister’s rude behaviour. But I would completely emotionally disengage from the in laws, and honestly would do bare minimum with and for them from this point on.

Kindly, get a grip.

But why does it matter so much to you? No spouses were invited so it wasn’t a personal slight to you. They just wanted only siblings, which is their prerogative. Why is that offensive? A bit unusual certainly but I wouldn’t be upset by it and would still like to see photos etc of their day.

We had a very tiny wedding as we didn’t think it was worth spending money on as we had other stuff we prioritised more, so who knows what their thought process was.

I think you’re getting unfair replies OP.

It’s utterly bizarre of them to not invite sibling’s spouses. It’s thoughtless and unkind to rub it in your face by sharing photos and gifting them to your DH at a family gathering.

This. You feel slighted, sidelined and unloved because your DH is a bastard who belittles your feelings and expects you to accept crap treatment. You don’t want to look that in the face because it’s terrifying to question your whole life and set-up, so you’ve displaced all those feelings of rejection and hurt onto SIL and her wedding.

You have been over dramatic about this from the start. Different people choose different types of weddings.

You're married to your husband, not his sister. Maybe focus your concern on the fact that he shouts at you, not what choices she made re her own wedding.

Who the hell actively wants to go to the wedding of anyone who isn't a close friend or blood relative? Weddings are dull. All that money down the drain. I mean, you lose a whole weekend. Who wouldn't heave a sigh of relief to be off the hook?

Time to let it go.