To still be upset and I can’t believe my husband doesn’t get it

Yes, me too.

It might be odd, but is it not very possible that there was good reason for it which op is unaware of and is nothing personal against op? Being able to recognise it as odd but then accept that it's their call and maybe nothing to do with op in the slightest odd what needs to happen here and this is the conclusion that most people would come to on their own. Meanwhile op is still fixated on this nearly a year later.

It's not hyperbole, it's odd behaviour to not invite your brother's wife to your wedding. Read in conjunction with the other post it's obvious that they only count 'blood' as family.

It is trying to give perspective where OP seems to have lost it on this matter. Devastated is a very strong word to use and seems to be thrown about a lot. Some people experience true trauma and devastation - not being invited to a wedding is not that, not by a long shot.

Sounds like you may need therapy to overcome this, as to most this is really a non issue.

@redpeach No of course there is no "correct" timeline to pain, but time usually allows people to grow around pain and grief. That hasn't happened here and if the pain is consistent and impacting on your life then its wise to get support to address it, ideally before it ends your marriage/ your relationship with your in laws etc. And under 'normal' circumstances you'd expect the timeline and the pain experienced to correlate within reason to the event that occurred. Obviously there is nuance to that for example experiencing ptsd from witnessing a horrific incident as opposed to having been directly impacted. But in this particular instance it does seem a bit out of sync in that respect. So either some level of personal trauma has been activated within op, or there's more to the insecurity of these relationships than what she's shared on here. To be crying and struggling to navigate social situations appropriately 9 months later over a non invite to a very small wedding in line with all other relatives in your place in the family tree is a significant reaction. This is clearly really affecting op for whatever the reason.

@smalltortoise do I work as a therapist specifically? No. Do I work in mental health? Yes. Am I qualified? Yes. It could be there are more complex issues at play here which we can't help op with via a thread and 9 months is a long time for op to feel no further forward in her emotional processing on this matter. So while noone can say for sure, I certainly don't think recommending counselling would be a bad thing. Personally I'd question why you are so adamant that someone you don't know on an online forum doesn't need any support, it's better to err on the side of caution in that regard and for op its a much better option to have a safe space in real life with someone who she can explore the context of this with. Possibly offering mediation between her and her husband. It's unbelievable to me that you'd call posters out for suggesting she gets proper real life support when you have no idea of her mental state.

🤣🤣🤣 my siblings, as well as their spouses didn't get invited when we got married. In fact, they still don't know we're married.

Not as tedious and predictable as your post though.

It’s primarily the joining of two individuals but also extends to the rest of the siblings by making them in laws. The new spouse therefore joins the whole family.

Tbh only expecting people to talk about events that you were directly involved in when in your presence does sound quite like main character syndrome...

you what now?

You marry your wife/ husband, you have to put up with their families, but you sure don't join together 2 families don't be completely ridiculous 😂

Decision of a sibling have nothing whatsoever to do with the OP's own marriage.

Don't push that nonsense if your kids ever want to get married, or their partners will run a mile from you 😂😂

I don’t think you can introduce a heirachy of
pain - the OP is entitled to her feelings

You've been overreacting on a grand scale to this from day one and you really, really, REALLY need to get a grip now.

Holding back tears because you (and the other siblings' partners) weren't invited to a wedding? Come on. It's an unusual way of doing things but none of the siblings' partners were invited, so it's not personal.

My guess is that your DH said what he said about your own wedding because he's really fed up now with you banging on and on about not being invited and he thinks you're being tiresome and obsessive.

I would also say I get the feeling it isn't just about sil but her dh's attitude towards marriage and what constitutes family. If my dh felt this was ok my opinion of him would also sink pretty low and it would make me question my marriage. I am surprised (but guess I shouldn't be) about some of the cutting responses to OP

In her position, I would have been surprised and pretty annoyed, because excluding family from a wedding is just bad manners and bizarre. When a person is rude to me, or I see them being rude to others, my opinion of that person sinks to the floor and I avoid them in future.

No I wouldn’t have been near tears months later, but I’m not the OP, nor are you - people react differently and get hurt about different things at different stages in life.

Yes she needs to learn to dismiss unpleasant people rather than getting upset, but she doesn’t need therapy. Automatically jumping to “you need therapy” when people are finding an issue difficult irritates me.

Not inviting siblings’ partners to a wedding is very weird and suggests the couple getting married do not fully understand the point of marriage ie two families are joined together. This is very sad for you and if your husband thinks this is a reasonable way to behave this suggests there may well be a store of problems ahead for your marriage. Sorry.

Oh give over with the hyperbole, she wasn’t the only one excluded, it was just a small ceremony due to budget.

The frame will look lovely on his bedside cabinet.

What an odd gift, you're not going to display it publicly so it's a waste of money. I'd not bother with them any more, they've made it plain that they don't count you as family.

All the spouses were not invited - so they did not single you out. It was just the ''blood'' relatives only. Not the end of the world.

Would you really do this?! I would get it more if it was one person but clearly they decided on a whole subset of people not attending for purely financial/practical reasons so why do you care? It's not an attack on you and they can do as they wish on their wedding day. The gifts might be a bit cheesy but it shows they're thinking of you. I mean this kindly, but you're taking this way, way too personally. What is it that's provoked such a reaction in you?

You are so, so unreasonable, you are coming over as quite disturbed. If your SIL’s perfectly reasonable choices have upset you so much, you need some therapy.

Not only did I not invite my siblings’ spouses to my wedding, I didn’t invite my siblings either.

Respectfully you sound a bit hard work OP.

You say your DH isn’t bothered about your relationship with his family. You seem more bothered by it than he is, or his siblings are or their spouses are. You obviously want a closer bond with his family than the one you have, and it upsets you that they don’t view things the same way. However this is not them singling you out as the spouse they dislike, it’s more that your values and theirs aren’t aligned. I think you need to accept that. What’s important to you, isn’t to them. It isn’t malicious. It isn’t personal. It’s just different to you.

Not being invited to your SIL’s wedding is a bit unconventional, but they’re obviously cutting their cloth accordingly. They couldn’t afford more guests if they were to have the wedding they wanted. And that’s ok. It’s not personal. It’s a bit unconventional, but we do seem to have an awful lot of rules when it comes to weddings. What we must do, what we should do…. Ultimately it’s a celebration event organised by two people who can do it any way they like!

To get tearful at a photograph given to your DH by his sibling is odd. You need to move on. Holding back tears is a massive overreaction. Similarly being “devastated” that your DH wishes you’d cut your cloth (by also reducing spouses of siblings and friends that he wasn’t bothered about) is just a different view to yours. It is not normal to find that difference of opinion to be “devastating”.

You seem to be having massive emotional reactions to fairly minor things. I wonder if that’s the reason your SIL rolled her eyes when you made a pointed comment about “would have loved to have been there”. I would equally have rolled my eyes at this martyrish comment. It wasn’t appropriate and I suspect is a pattern of behaviour your DH’s family are used to seeing from you.

Kindly, you need to move on. They’re not obliged to give you the relationship you want, and you need to rein it in with the holding back tears, devastation and awkward martyrish comments.

"husband pulled over and screamed at the top of his lungs a few centimetres from my face and in front of the kids"

And he still has his teeth...,why, exactly?

Yes, it's bizarre and unusual, but you really need to get a life and let that go! You are blowing it completely out of proportion and you will become unbearable for everybody else.

Why are you offended? It had nothing to do with you, you are not "family" for your sister in law, you just happened to have married her brother. Can't you understand a small wedding is nicer with close relatives and friends, instead of any +1?

It's her decision, making it awkward for everybody else who had nothing to do with it, your husband, is parents.. is very self-centred and tiresome. Move on.

Don't invite her if you get married again, sorted.

Your feelings are not valid. What on Earth do you mean “they think it’s totally appropriate to talk about an event where 6 people weren’t invited” ? Why is that not appropriate? Do you only talk about events where each person in the room was invited? You seem to be stuck in some childlike state about this, I urge you to look inward and address it.