Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH

Yes I remember this 😖

Do not hide his passport. Or at least if you do tell him before he books flights and other transport/accommodation. Otherwise he will waste his money.

Of course it is possible to hide the passport but someone did say that they tried this with a relative and they just called the police, who made them return it. I'm not sure what the legalities are for ownership of a passport that was issued to a minor (I assume it's not brand new).

Edit- I think it's his property regardless so he can demand it back.

I don’t want to be melodramatic but what if she hides his passport so that he can’t get home?

No, ffs, just hide his effing passport..! Once that's done you could try and block her from his devices or something, but don't go making stuff up. That'll only make things worse.

So say, for example, that he keeps them in his trouser pocket. He's not going to be wearing the trousers 24 hours a day, and for some of the time he will be sleeping.

Or he keeps them in his wallet/phone case. Is he going to have that about his person 24/7? Whilst he is asleep?

The lack of reading comprehension on here amazes me at times 😀

Takes 30 seconds to re-read the thread by the way.

”OneCheeryGoldMoose · Today 11:01
Honestly I can see her being on this level. She sent a message saying remember my brother has a gun. I am terrified.”

So no, she did not say that. She clearly meant her son received that message.

OP is there a family member a step removed ie an Uncle or trusted cousin that your son might listen to? Sometimes just hearing it from someone within the family realm but not parents/siblings can make more of an impact, This sounds like coercive control and is toxic. Your son needs to end it and block her on all accounts. He is so young and has his entire life ahead of him. I have an 18 year old DS and I would be very concerned and would not be happy him flying off to America to stay with a nutcase.

Who would be most likely to end the relationship if the other cheated? If him, find some details of where she has been and when, set up a fake account and message him claiming to be the other guy. If her, do it the other way around. Don’t tell anyone else at all so that your son doesn’t fall out with you.

I would take the passport and explain to him exactly why you are taking the passport. He may be upset and angry but once he calms down and she disappears he will see sense. Tell him there is absolutely no way he is going

No necessarily sellotaped but on his person yes why not.

I’m LOLing at the posters telling you to go with him. So people really think that other people can just magic up the money/time off work for a US trip?! 🤣

OP just say “You’re not going. This girl is mental and she’s got access to a gun. If you think we’re going to let you go you’re as crazy as she is. Don’t ask again”.

I would also to be honest be really quite dismissive of the whole thing and I wouldn’t refer to her as his girlfriend. She is a modern day pen pal. You can’t work out if you are attracted to someone via a computer screen in a different continent.

He’s obviously immature and desperate for a girlfriend.

Would one of his friends have better luck trying to reason with him?

This happened to someone I know, they initially went for a couple of weeks but the "partner" hid their passport and it was around 6 weeks before they managed to persuade the "partner'" give it to them on the pretence of going to see about getting residency or something (Europe). They managed to slip out and get to the airport but had to leave most of their belongings behind.
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This person is older than OPs son but tends to get sucked in to relationships with seemingly needy individuals who turn out to be very manipulative.

Your focus is all on her, but in reality your focus should be on him. He is exhibiting very concerning behaviour, from accepting the abuse, to crying, to still wanting to go. They are both very immature obviously, but all the shit she’s saying, is really of minor concern v what your son is doing.

is this the first time, he’s exhibited poor decision making, emotional instability, and poor personal boundaries?

Honestly start having gatherings and giving him opportunities to meet normal young women.

does he have cousins? Can someone have a birthday party? To him, this is a girl who likes him and shows how much she loves him with her dramatics. Show him other options and what normalcy is like.

but also with the gun threats he cannot go.

if he does go, you can only hope that seeing her in person will make the lunacy more real and off putting

This

If you don’t want to do this yourself, I’ll do it for you and “anonymously” send it to your son.

He needs protecting!

That’s exactly what I’d do too. I’d basically say no because unless he’s a fully financially independent adult he can’t do exactly what he likes, regardless of mumsnet’s trilling about him being 18.

How can you have a girlfriend you’ve never met, that in itself is batshit.

10 seconds in the microwave should do the trick and leave no evidence, just wait in the airport car park for when he's told he can't fly!
Has she asked for money, it could be a romance scam.

This.

If he decides to travel swap his passport eith his dad's in his bag on the day so it looks lole he picked up the wrong one.

Do not let your son go.
I would hide his passport.
I would also be sitting him down and telling exactly why he can’t go. Calmly point out the 101 bright red huge red flags and ask why he is accepting this odd behaviour from someone he doesn’t know, and hasn’t met.
Tell him that you appreciate he has his own life to live, but as parents you can’t let him walk into this so blindly.
The thought of my child going to the US to meet someone who sounds utterly unhinged and controlling makes me feel sick!.
What if she takes his passport from him??

sorry, no way would he be leaving to meet her.

Could you ask the police to see if her name is flagged anywhere, or if they can offer advice. Appreciate she isn’t the UK, but your son may not be the only person she’s talking to, and you may not be the only concerned parent. They will have seen things like this before and know the warning signs, or can tell you want to look for.

Op, it sounds like you have a good relationship with your son, I hope he listens to you.