Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH

If she’s as disturbed as she’s coming across, she’s liable to hide his passport once he’s over there too. What a mess. I hope you can find a resolution X

Ask him if he thinks she would be a nice, kind mum to a child. Something to think about.

This is extremely worrying OP but if he’s anything like my DDs ‘gamer/gym’ male friends he’s incredibly unlikely be going to meet her. They only leave their rooms to go to work. Travel? No chance.

Fingers crossed he’ll come to his senses but failing that I’d definitely hide his passport. 18 is ‘adult’ only in the eyes of the law these days isn’t it? Certainly not in maturity.

He can’t go. She sounds so insecure she’s dangerous. I think you should make him watch a documentary to help him see clearly.

Do you know any coppers or lawyers who could talk to him about the gun threat, how that's a sign she could have violent tendencies? This is wild OP

She's probably cheating on him I wouldn't be surprised. Her brother has a gun are they rednecks. He knows how to pick them.

Tell your son to run she is crazy and will never change. Is your son desperate?

I would feel the same OP. I know the 'good parent' guide would say he needs to make his own decisions and make his own mistakes but put it this way, if it was my daughter I would probably take her passport or I would literally follow her there. Not a chance in hell would I let her travel that distance alone to visit someone already shown to be abusive. And this is an abusive situation. Its no different just because he's male. Absolutely nobody with any sense would judge you for trying to stop him going. Stop him going however you can, he's so young and has his whole life to go, he doesn't need to get tied down to someone who is already trying to make his life smaller.

OP, if you have (or can get hold of) her photo, can you do a reverse-image search on it? That should show if it’s been used elsewhere - and hence possibly stolen.

Sympathy OP what an awful situation. It is encouraging that his friends are telling him she is unhinged
He may listen to them more than you.

Sorry no. You cannot let him go. Deal with the fallout afterwards.

Practical steps: If you are intent on hiding his passport

He can get a new passport if he claims his current one is lost. You can also hide his birth certificate but he can claim a new one of those too.

So it's better to have the discussion with him about how unsafe it is to travel knowing very little about this girl and having never met her in person or seen where she lives. He doesn't know her family very well other than the threat that they have guns.

If she does try to prevent him leaving, he may lose his job. His medical insurance will expire. If he needs any kind of medical treatment after that (shot gun wounds needing attention, etc) he will have to pay for it himself and it will be thousands of $$$$$$

My DS went to visit his GF in the states (genuine relationship, they met in the UK at uni and are now married) and wanted to extend his stay but his insurance company would not extend his cover. They don't do that.

So, get him to agree that it's not a sensible option. If he really, really wants to go he will go. You can't stop him.

Also you have no idea if she is real.

Sending post to her doesn't prove she is real.
Seeing the house or road she lives in doesn't make her real.
There could be a 50 year old many typing away .
This is how paedophiles catch young kids- pretending to be someone else. It's even possible to create a fake AI image and a voice and pretend it's a real person.

You all need to wise up.

If she is real, just say he can't go.
And if he insists say it's his choice and you will be moving his stuff out of your house so he has to move out.

Actually, all it takes is showing up to an appointment at the visa office, and leaving without a visa (because, as it turns out, it's not an advisory session to discuss the appropriate visa avenue for trip intentions). That'll get you denied on entry, an 8 hour wait, thoroughly searched, treated like a criminal, and returned back with your own return flight... ask me how I know 😏 So that's an idea.

But seriously, OP this sounds horrific. Definitely hide the passport, and do more due diligence with checking it's not one big hoax! I bet we'd be surprised at how convincing they are these days!!

I know this may sound ever so simple @OneCheeryGoldMoose but have you and your H just said to him,

'We're very worried about her, we don't want you to go and as far as we're concerned, you are not going because we think it's a dangerous situation.'

End of?

He may be 18 but does he ignore everything you ask of him ?
Will he simply not accept a loud 'No' from you?
Is he a rebel?

It seems there are very loose boundaries. If at 18 my parents had expressed real concerns for a very good reason I think I'd have listened, especially as I was living at home .

If it was my brother or friend putting himself at risk I think I would set up a fake account to convince her he had another relationship. Awful and OP you are in a better position to judge how this would go down. But it would be great if she blocked him.

Probably a man in his 50s catfishing him.

I would go to great lengths to point out how dangerous and controlling this situation is. Find news stories and documentaries to make your point. Look up the adverts by Police around coercive control DV.

Yes this.
He is either totally arrogant and thinks he knows more about this sort of situation than everyone else (the comment about ending his sister's relationship on her behalf and about women here in general only looking for hookups makes me think this). Also that he isn't listening or taking anyone's advice (but wants to talk about it / enjoying the attention and drama and everyone being wound up)
Or
He's incredibly immature and vulnerable.
Im leaning towards the first one.

What country is she from
hide the passport

Hide the passport definitely

Truthfinder.com mentioned up thread is really good

TruthFinder website

This seems like a ridiculous scenario and I'd be telling him that! Never even met? She's abusing him and being disrespectful about his family? He's intending on travelling to another country to meet her for the first time?
He needs to get a grip.
Is he enjoying the attention and drama?
Id certainly not to saying she could come over and you'd pick her up from airport etc. why on earth would you facilitate this nonsense.
Tell him to block her, grow up and not mention the whole fiasco ever again.

You can't let him go, I know he is 18 but hes a kid really with little life experience.
I presume you have sat him down and showed him similar cases where people have been scammed or abused?
He needs to see it for himself but you will have to hide his passport for now.
Can she come to you instead?
Obviously you dont want her to but at least you could see her for yourself.
I mean what if he gets there and its a man, or shes part of some sort of gang that scam people? I really think he could be in danger and whatever it takes i wouldn't let my son board that plane

I also think he might find the idea of travelling to / living in the states quite exciting - I used to! Can you show him how bad it is in some places? Their laws are quite archaic and obviously there’s the guns. Has he Google map’d her area of residence? It could be really rough and not very exciting - might put him off?

It might even be a bloke dressed up - or an AI of a girl.