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Original poster

Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH

417 replies

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 16/12/2025 10:58

My son has an overseas GF (long haul flight) who he met online (they haven't met IRL yet). They facetime etc, always on the phone. My son is 18 and works full time lives at home with us.

He wants to go and visit her in the New Year.

Trouble is she is insane (I'm sorry but she is) and he won't see it. He has a great relationship with me and his dad and tells us everything.

Everytime he see's friends (even if they are at ours- my sons a gamer lad- not a go out clubbing pub lad) she doesn't speak to him for three days as she tells him he's been cheating on her. His best mate came over at the weekend with his gf and she informed him he'd clearly only bought him over for a threesome......

I asked him if he had hoovered his room whilst he was on call the other day- she then told him he allowed me to have too much control over his life. He came on holiday with us and his two sisters a month ago and she was screeching at him down the phone that he should hide in the airport toilet away from us and not get on the plane because his sisters would speak to girls whilst on holiday which would mean he would also speak to them.

I have chats with all three of my kids at the end of the week like a catch up, check in on life and any issues/advice they want, just like a little mental health check from my side- he told her he was just talking to me for ten minutes and she replied back saying I'm a strange mother and obviously a narcissist that wants to control his life, that would be the only reason I speak to them all so much.

I don't know what to do. He has his own money to go and we will advise but not stop him if he's that adamant about going. But I am terrified she's dangerous and he's in an abusive relationship.
She recently sent him a document about trigger words to avoid when he comes as it will set her off- including speaking about me and his dad, any ex relationships, his sisters and his friends. He burst into tears and spoke to me and his dad. We explained it's not normal but he's in the mindset of when she's nice it's amazing.

His dad is on the verge of hiding his passport ffs. We have said he is the prime position to just block her as we aren't even in the same country but he can't/ won't do it.

OP posts:
BridgeNewton · 17/12/2025 05:59

I don't think that you are being unreasonable but you should let him go. The only way that he is going to learn from this is the hard way. If you prevent him from going he will resent you, if you allow him to make his own mistakes then he may learn to listen a little bit more in the future.

NB - I am assuming that the girl is from a compatible country and not one that is renowned for scamming (in which case the above advice doesn't hold).

BastardtheCat · 17/12/2025 05:55

Not sure if it’s already been posted but ‘lose’ a second or even third passport at the same time as otherwise it’s way too obvious. Hope your DS is able to get out of this - sounds worrying.

InterestedDad37 · 17/12/2025 05:51

auscan · 17/12/2025 04:59

Check out 90 Day Fiance-The Other Way on TLC. Your son's GF sounds like crazy Mary who had to be on video call with her boyfriend 24/7.
https://au.video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?p=90+day+fiance+brandon+and+mary&type=G210US739G91992M9609d9530177dee0b459f5d8d5bcb719#id=1&vid=59834db6719d08a97e07fb48b95e3180&action=click
Show your son, he may recognise some of the batshittery that he's living with. He deserves to be in a healthy relationship, not a controlling one. I doubt he'd want one of his mates in his position with a controlling GF. Best of luck to you and your son.

That's just mad! 😱🤯😱🤯

InterestedDad37 · 17/12/2025 05:50

[accidental double post]

Salvadoridory · 17/12/2025 05:12

Thats so sad. I have a friend in this position except hes much older and she is insane. She tracks him 24 hours a day and spys on him. Hes started wearing really odd clothes lately and shaved his hair off. I think its because she has to go away for a few days and shes terrified girls will look at him. I feel so sorry for him but also irritated. Shes a grown woman and hes a grown man ffs. Its not a relationship, its abuse. I say burn his passport and block her on everything. And if shes from South America, change your identities!

coolcahuna · 17/12/2025 05:10

I'm in the hide passport camp too! You can't let him go, he probably secretly wants an intervention here.

auscan · 17/12/2025 05:00

And BTW - Mary got pregnant. Please don't let your son go overseas.

auscan · 17/12/2025 04:59

Check out 90 Day Fiance-The Other Way on TLC. Your son's GF sounds like crazy Mary who had to be on video call with her boyfriend 24/7.
https://au.video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?p=90+day+fiance+brandon+and+mary&type=G210US739G91992M9609d9530177dee0b459f5d8d5bcb719#id=1&vid=59834db6719d08a97e07fb48b95e3180&action=click
Show your son, he may recognise some of the batshittery that he's living with. He deserves to be in a healthy relationship, not a controlling one. I doubt he'd want one of his mates in his position with a controlling GF. Best of luck to you and your son.

90 day fiance brandon and mary - Yahoo Video Search results

The search engine that helps you find exactly what you're looking for. Find the most relevant information, video, images, and answers from all across the Web.

https://au.video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?p=90+day+fiance+brandon+and+mary&type=G210US739G91992M9609d9530177dee0b459f5d8d5bcb719#id=1&vid=59834db6719d08a97e07fb48b95e3180&action=click

FunMum2023 · 17/12/2025 04:17

Can you get him to see a counselor before he goes (and hopefully he'll see sense and cancel)? If all else fails, get in touch with her parents and be their worst nightmare till they ban her from seeing him.

HereWeGoAgainNow · 17/12/2025 04:17

This might be helpful for your son. It's not just for autistic people - I'm recommending it because it sets out the information so clearly. I like the easy read version best.

www.durham.ac.uk/news-events/latest-news/2024/04/autistic-guide-to-healthy-relationships/

user1492757084 · 17/12/2025 04:13

If I were you, Op, I'd insist that someone goes with him or that the girl comes to visit you.
He is being manupulated and it will end badly.
He could be far too embarrassed to accept failure unless you are there with him. (You or a solid friend.)
See that he buys a return ticket and help him set a limited amount in his account and secure the rest of his money until he arrives home again. The bank might give good advice about how not to be scammed. Can you visit the bank with DS?

AussieManque · 17/12/2025 03:00

Tadpolesinponds · 16/12/2025 23:37

1 more time: A lost or destroyed passport can be replaced. The son won't be stuck in the UK for a long period just because his mum hides or destroys his passport. That would only work as a short term measure (and it could turn the son against his family). Similarly, he won't be stranded in the US for life if his girlfriend destroys his passport. He can travel on a letter from a British embassy or consulate. People lose their passports all the time.

I can tell you that getting service from UK embassies and consulates is extremely difficult. They do the bare minimum for British citizens abroad, unless you die, and even then they ask you to fill in online forms that don't work and you have to phone up to find out what has happened. I would not assume he can just walk up to the consulate and get an emergency passport, he will need an appointment, he will need to pay in advance and then find there are no appointments for 3 weeks, they will be closed for Christmas and new year, etc etc.

AussieManque · 17/12/2025 02:56

Hiding passport sounds like an option. Other option: who paid for the plane ticket, can you cancel them and get a refund (or even not get refunded, at this point it's probably worth the loss to cancel the flights).
Or can you block her on all his platforms somehow, like erase her number from his phone?
I would absolutely not let him go, there is definitely something fishy here.

chaosmaker · 17/12/2025 02:33

@OneCheeryGoldMoose There are a tonne of documentaries on meeting people online that turn out to be killers, scammers and there was even a series about online romances that went to meet the other person and mostly it didn;t work out. Or they wanted visas from marriage. He really needs to watch some of them.

Cantbefucked · 17/12/2025 01:25

Hi OP haven't read your full thread of replies but read all yours to get the jist.

You go as far as you need to on this... she is a nutter and probably a predator. I know someone who had a 16 year old lad talking to some "girl" his age in America... same shit.. turns out she was nearly 40 and a total freak!
She got in this lads head, he wanted to visit bla bla. It caused so many fights in the family. By some miracle he saw sense and got rid of her (I don't know what happened) but what a dangerous situation that was.

I hope your son sees sense because this just screams all sorts of danger!

Oh and might I say this would be domestic abuse / emotional abuse in normal circumstances - with how she talks to your son!

cockandbullstories · 17/12/2025 00:14

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 16/12/2025 13:31

I actually feel insane to the point I want to find her username and make a fake account and offer her money posing as a man because I KNOW she will reply and then I can show him- but I can't go that far. Can I?

Show quote history

Call Catfish or get a PI to do a bit of digging!

newmum912024 · 17/12/2025 00:11

I really feel for you OP as this sounds like a nightmare and you sound like a wonderful mother.
I'm sure many people will say he’s an adult, therefore don’t get involved. However, I am positive your son at 40 years old will look back and thank you if you might be able to discourage him from going.

I was in a similar abusive relationship at 16 years old and my parents weren’t so firm - I do think back and wonder if they had been, maybe I could have spared myself 3 years of heartache - such precious formative years!!!

GellerYeller · 17/12/2025 00:10

samarrange · 16/12/2025 23:08

Hiding his passport will work as a last resort, but perhaps one thing to try before getting into that level of confrontation (which he will very much hold against you, for "ruining his life") is to point out to DS that if he turns up on his own aged 18 there is a pretty good chance that the US simply won't let him in.

The immigration officer will absolutely ask a young solo male traveller what he is there for. If he says he's coming to meet up with a girl who he met online then there will be a lot of questions about who he's staying with, who is paying for everything, etc, which he is unlikely to be able to answer convincingly. He will as a minimum need a letter of invitation with a phone number where someone who is clearly a mature adult picks up and confirms that they are indeed delighted to host DS in their home while he gets to know their daughter better. And if he tries to claim any other purpose for his visit they will pick that up immediately - lying to the immigration officer is an immediate refusal anywhere in the world.

They also probably won't just put him on the next plane back - he can look forward to a week or two sleeping on a very thin mattress in an ICE detention centre.

Edited

Maybe worth warning him that if he is selected for additional questioning, they will be entitled to search his bags and him, and go through his phone to check that what’s in there matches the details he’s given about the relationship. They may also want to interview the girlfriend to corroborate his story.
If they’ve discussed anything you wouldn’t like to know, this could make him think twice.
If there is anything they don’t like on his social media, say he’s liked or commented on a post that isn’t kind to the current government, or has connections that smoke weed, that could preclude his entry.
They will need to be certain he doesn’t intend to extend his stay beyond the date on his return ticket.
Even if admitted after investigations, there will be a record of him being questioned, which could hamper future visits or visas.
She can expect the same treatment if she comes to the UK. Any hint of this being an established relationship, with risk of them overstaying their visa conditions, and they could be denied entry.

Glitchymn1 · 17/12/2025 00:02

Hiding the passport is ridiculous, he’s 18. Passports can be replaced very quickly. You could actually push him into her arms.

He’s already in an abusive online relationship by the sounds of it, he needs help recognising that.

Blimeylookatthetime · 16/12/2025 23:52

I’m hoping that given she’s posted on here three times already, she’s likely got the gist that there’s zero support for her.

Wonder if she will ease off a bit now OP or ramp things up? Keep an eye on your DS after this thread. I wouldn’t put it passed her to ramp up….she needs him, she’s missing him, she can’t wait to meet him, etc.

MrsOverthinker25 · 16/12/2025 23:43

Do you have any nieces/cousins etc who can do some background work on her? Unless she is really clever, I Imagine her social media will reveal a lot. I have a gut feeling there’s an ulterior motive with her. It just screams bad news.

Tadpolesinponds · 16/12/2025 23:37

1 more time: A lost or destroyed passport can be replaced. The son won't be stuck in the UK for a long period just because his mum hides or destroys his passport. That would only work as a short term measure (and it could turn the son against his family). Similarly, he won't be stranded in the US for life if his girlfriend destroys his passport. He can travel on a letter from a British embassy or consulate. People lose their passports all the time.

Blimeylookatthetime · 16/12/2025 23:34

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 16/12/2025 12:31

She's also posted three times on this same thread to try and illicit a response, so I am choosing to ignore.

Show quote history

I think that’s the best way. Surely she can see that the general vibe on here is that she’s the unreasonable one and is most definitely unhinged and dangerous?
Lock away the passport. Distracted your son and get him some therapy and block her. Is there anywhere she can be reported in the US? I’d be contacting her parents/step dad’s company. She’s dangerous.

wish you all the best OP 💐

Thunderpants88 · 16/12/2025 23:30

If he goes believe me, the GF will likely destroy his passport so he can’t return home

DO NOT LET HIM GO

Becausemymumtoldmeso · 16/12/2025 23:24

There was a post on her a few years back- the mums son was in a similar sort of situation/relationship and it was awful! Social services, police, the schools etc all got involved but to no avail! The mum and family got pushed out and the son went off to live with the crazy gf and it went on for years tbe abuse- I cannot remember what happened in the end but it was so sad- similar to your situation. Realistically speaking all you can do is advise, but speaking as a mum- I’d be tempted to destroy the passport, and keep your son hostage until this is over! No way is some mentally challenged girl going to ruin my son’s chance at life at the first hurdle! The fact that her mum isn’t worried or stopping her shows that this is normal behaviour for them al!