Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH

Aww God this is a mess

He obviously likes the up side of her and I hope through time he works out that the other side of her isn't healthy

He might not end things right now but hopefully he does down the road

My son had a crazy gf. She called him to say she was going out with her guy mates to the strippers

He said ok. The call ended
5 mins later she called him back to say it was a joke and she was testing his reaction
I told him that was cruel
Eventually he worked it out for himself and cut her off

I think you might be right.

OP, it sounds like you have a good relationship with him. I honestly think your best angle here is to keep talking to him about how a loving relationship shouldn’t look like this. ie she is clearly trying to stop him from seeing his friends and family. And this is at the start of a relationship when people should be on their best behaviour! Tell him to imagine how much worse she would get if he was bound to her by marriage/a baby.
I know you have already tried that ^ but I think keep going with it as it is the best angle to get him to see sense. (Rather than the angle of them being too young, only having met by gaming - which he will see as your generation not ‘getting’ him).
Good luck x

Yeah I do think some guys kind of like the crazy BPD intense type girls. Something to do with dopamine probably!

iirc the Australian posters son left the crazy gf in the end, I remember that thread as she sounded like Lola in The Loved Ones (Aussie horror film)

Actually, forget hiding his passport, I'd be destroying it. By the time it takes him to order and get a new one, hopefully the trip window will have passed.

I'm sure someone on here has an 18 year old dd who could help out.

I'd definitely be hiding his passport because I bet you she's already thinking about doing it to stop him returning home.

Im sorry, id be putting my foot down and stopping him from going. She is clearly unwell and once he’s over there, who’s to say she’s going to allow him to freely come back? What if her brother gets involved and something bad happens? There’s a chance she’s full of shit and her brother doesn’t have a gun, but I wouldn’t take the chance. You also need to report her to the police for controlling and coercive behaviour. Either online to the force area where she resides, or your force area who will transfer it across to them.

My first BF had an American GF. He went to see her aged 16 and when he got there he found out she had a boyfriend and came back dejected according to his parents.

In the event he does go to visit (I hope he doesn’t!) he needs condoms condoms condoms. And more condoms.

It's clearky an abusive 'relationship' and it's actively dangerous for him to go. A mistake on the ESTA form is a good idea. Writing 'visiting Fiancee' - she's told him she wants to get married & be supported by him, so it's not a stretch, (& they might do a literal 'shotgun marriage' if he goes) is a very good idea. Social media posts which are negative about MAGA movement (who'd go to the US right now anyway?) might be worth considering? Damage to all 3 passports discovered just before flights is an 'all else fails' option.
A lovely local lass would be the best option - get him out & about with mates. Good luck (my Ds' first romantic interest was a really disturbed girl & we had to get legal & Police involvement in the end)

Either you hide his passport or she will.

To quote Ry Cooder, "That's the way the girls are from Texas..."

Yes, show him the Jodie Arias story.

Trap her into ‘cheating’ on him (aka scamming) with another profile?

What country is she from? Aside from the usual risks, there is a legit safety concern for life due to kidnap etc. with the threat about ‘brother having a gun’.

This is the thing, his sister asked him what he would do if she came to him with this relationship and he said he'd end it on her behalf- yet he can't seem to apply it to himself.

Is he asking for someone to end this on his behalf?

I think I would repeat this conversation to him and tell him that on his own advice you are confiscating his passport. That you are treating him like a drug addict in rehab.

Tell him None of this is his fault but he has been hooked in by this girl's psychological and emotional manipulation just as drug addicts are encouraged into their addiction by dealers.

Alongside getting his dad to take him out as often as possible to keep him away from his devices and contact with her.

Does he have his own phone contract? Can you turn off the WiFi and stop his data allowance?

I wonder if the Freedom Programme is relevant to people in his position? Because she is definitely operating control and emotional abuse. I wonder if you could look through it and show how he is exactly in the position of a woman in a co-ercive / abusive relationship?

I remember that thread. Do you know what happened in the end? I seem to remember they were making progress in getting their son to see sense.

OP - is there another relative or friend who could talk to him?

He really needs to meet a girl he actually fancies and wants to snog the face off. No idea how you engineer that though.

Maybe talk to him about whether he actually likes this girl or if she’s a puzzle he’s trying to solve.

If she won't come here, can you go there with him? I wouldn't be leaving him on his own around her. She sounds batshit.

Also don't think it's a scam- surely a scammer wouldn't be this abusive and difficult as you risk the person telling you to fuck off. They're more likely to be lovely and charming. She sounds like a genuine nutter

What does that mean though? If you stop talking to him about it you’ll have no idea what’s going on.

I don't know how, but you have you to stop him going OP. She’s either going to get pregnant or pretend she has if he stays there.

I don't think you can be too cautious here @OneCheeryGoldMoose

there was a long running thread on here-think they were in Oz and the horrific controlling GF. It was awful.

American right now is not a great place to be.
He will be totally isolated without a car and essentially stuck.
She sounds like she will go to great lengths to keep him and he will be completely out of his comfort zone in a land of guns and all sorts.

She is already messing with his head and they haven't even met in person!!!

I think this is intervention territory op! It's the mention of the gun that did it!

People are saying let it run it's course but I can tell you from experience that the course could run for years. If she's already got him feeling he can't leave her when they haven't physically met yet, he will find it extremely difficult once they've actually been together. As she sounds unhinged, I'd be terrified that my boy wouldn't be coming home. I am a worrier to be fair but I'd be worrying if he dumped her afterwards, she'd accuse him of sexual harassment or something....if he never meets her, it can't be done. I do understand that an internet love is intoxicating and exciting and you try to ignore the bad stuff because you have this future in your head where it will all be rosey. 18 is still young and naive. I really hope he sees sense but if not, I'm afraid you're going to have a battle on your hands.