Page 12 | Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH

MistressoftheDarkSide · 16/12/2025 12:40

I think the first line of defence is to maintain the physical distance between them by fair means or foul as necessary. And in the meantime keep the steady drip of rationality going, in as balanced a way as possible, so keeping the lines of communication open.

I might even engineer some wifi issues at the times he's at home and most likely to be in communication with her. If she reacts badly when he cones back online, and sends abusive messages then you have growing evidence of her abuse, and he might also get sick of it.

maltravers · 16/12/2025 12:37

Could she be blackmailing him (if he agrees she’s crazy but won’t get rid)? The distance has partially protected him from her behaviour - how will it be in person having this controlling person ranting at you?

LeavesTrees · 16/12/2025 12:35

My worry would be if she is happy for him to see she has these bunny boiler (not sure how to phrase that appropriately) tendencies from a distance when she should be in the “trying to impress” early stages, what on earth will she be like in person or when he is in too deep? Most people present the best version of themselves in the early stages, if this is the best version of herself I can’t imagine what she is like below the surface.

I wouldn’t want him to go. He could end up being married by an Elvis impersonator and never return. A shotgun wedding with a real shotgun. It’s very risky.

Burnnoticed · 16/12/2025 12:35

TinyCottageGirl · 16/12/2025 12:33

Yes unfortunately a boy I was at school with was killed by a man he met 'online' who killed him. Before this, you'd never think it would happen but there are a lot of weird people around. Breck Bednar was his name, worth showing him the documentary.

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I have watched this documentary and will never forget this poor boy. I talked to my son about it at the time. Must have had such an impact on his whole community too 💐

Original poster

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 16/12/2025 12:34

Burnnoticed · 16/12/2025 12:33

She said "remember my brother has a gun".
That's not just "information"!

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Just ignore her. She's posted three separate times trying to get a reaction. I'm trying to have a serious discussion concerning my sons welfare- they obviously have too much free time.

OP posts:

cheesymashfortea · 16/12/2025 12:34

Sounds really worrying OP and he is still so young, I wouldn’t want to let him to go either. Its been a few years since I watched it, but there is a documentary on iplayer about a young man who was abused by his gf and it goes into how her behaviour escalated. Perhaps watching this or something similar would help him to put her behaviour into perspective?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/p0700912/abused-by-my-girlfriend

Abused By My Girlfriend

The remarkable story of Alex Skeel, a 23-year-old man from Bedford who survived an abusive relationship with his girlfriend Jordan Worth.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/p0700912/abused-by-my-girlfriend

Cottagegardendiary · 16/12/2025 12:33

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 16/12/2025 10:58

My son has an overseas GF (long haul flight) who he met online (they haven't met IRL yet). They facetime etc, always on the phone. My son is 18 and works full time lives at home with us.

He wants to go and visit her in the New Year.

Trouble is she is insane (I'm sorry but she is) and he won't see it. He has a great relationship with me and his dad and tells us everything.

Everytime he see's friends (even if they are at ours- my sons a gamer lad- not a go out clubbing pub lad) she doesn't speak to him for three days as she tells him he's been cheating on her. His best mate came over at the weekend with his gf and she informed him he'd clearly only bought him over for a threesome......

I asked him if he had hoovered his room whilst he was on call the other day- she then told him he allowed me to have too much control over his life. He came on holiday with us and his two sisters a month ago and she was screeching at him down the phone that he should hide in the airport toilet away from us and not get on the plane because his sisters would speak to girls whilst on holiday which would mean he would also speak to them.

I have chats with all three of my kids at the end of the week like a catch up, check in on life and any issues/advice they want, just like a little mental health check from my side- he told her he was just talking to me for ten minutes and she replied back saying I'm a strange mother and obviously a narcissist that wants to control his life, that would be the only reason I speak to them all so much.

I don't know what to do. He has his own money to go and we will advise but not stop him if he's that adamant about going. But I am terrified she's dangerous and he's in an abusive relationship.
She recently sent him a document about trigger words to avoid when he comes as it will set her off- including speaking about me and his dad, any ex relationships, his sisters and his friends. He burst into tears and spoke to me and his dad. We explained it's not normal but he's in the mindset of when she's nice it's amazing.

His dad is on the verge of hiding his passport ffs. We have said he is the prime position to just block her as we aren't even in the same country but he can't/ won't do it.

Insist you will go with him if he's stupid enough to want to meet this lunatic as clearly he is not responsible enough.

TinyCottageGirl · 16/12/2025 12:33

Funkytuna · 16/12/2025 11:06

Definitely hide his passport. Just because he’s 18 now doesn’t mean his life is worth less than it was a year ago and it’s now magically worth risking it just because he’s an adult technically.

I would sit him down and make him watch a documentary on Jodi Arias and/or similar. He needs his eyes opening that this stuff actually does happen with people like this.

Show quote history

Yes unfortunately a boy I was at school with was killed by a man he met 'online' who killed him. Before this, you'd never think it would happen but there are a lot of weird people around. Breck Bednar was his name, worth showing him the documentary.

Burnnoticed · 16/12/2025 12:33

FlockOfSausages · 16/12/2025 12:26

This thread is about an immature attention seeking son and an anxious overly involved mother. It’s an excellent example of how drama and theatrics get rewarded with attention.

Around 1 in 3 adults in the USA own a gun. There are more guns than people. The brother owning a gun is just information. He hasn’t been threatened in any way and I would question why he tells his anxious mother every single detail of these conversations.

She said "remember my brother has a gun".
That's not just "information"!

Cordeliasdemonbabies · 16/12/2025 12:32

ESTA stuff is best bet if he hasn't done it yet. Mention going to see a gf and looking to stay and it will likely get rejected.

MintDog · 16/12/2025 12:32

Oh Christ. Get rid of his passport and have a bloody stern conversation with him. Honestly, I'd tell him if he's intent on going to see her he can move out. He can live on his own, pay his own bills, he obviously thinks he's a grown up, he can go and be one. Absolutely not a cat in hell's chance I'd be being nice about this. Never mind the safety aspect, for all he knows, she might smell weird and there's zero chemistry in real life! IF she was super nice, I'd still be wary, but she sounds like an absolute fruitcase. She's not suddenly going to be less dangerous in real life. YOU remove his passport or else you'll find he's stuck out there because she's taken it.
How is is speaking to her? Remove her details from his phone and block her!

Original poster

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 16/12/2025 12:31

MistressoftheDarkSide · 16/12/2025 12:29

This response is about rank misogyny, lack of insight, naivety and willful ignorance.

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She's also posted three times on this same thread to try and illicit a response, so I am choosing to ignore.

OP posts:

Funkytuna · 16/12/2025 12:31

FlockOfSausages · 16/12/2025 12:26

This thread is about an immature attention seeking son and an anxious overly involved mother. It’s an excellent example of how drama and theatrics get rewarded with attention.

Around 1 in 3 adults in the USA own a gun. There are more guns than people. The brother owning a gun is just information. He hasn’t been threatened in any way and I would question why he tells his anxious mother every single detail of these conversations.

How incredibly naive are you. These situations can and do result in people being killed, often. Hopefully you never find out the hard way.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 16/12/2025 12:29

FlockOfSausages · 16/12/2025 12:26

This thread is about an immature attention seeking son and an anxious overly involved mother. It’s an excellent example of how drama and theatrics get rewarded with attention.

Around 1 in 3 adults in the USA own a gun. There are more guns than people. The brother owning a gun is just information. He hasn’t been threatened in any way and I would question why he tells his anxious mother every single detail of these conversations.

This response is about rank misogyny, lack of insight, naivety and willful ignorance.

PsychoSyd · 16/12/2025 12:29

@OneCheeryGoldMooseplease be aware that hiding his passport is no deterrent. He could easily report it lost & get a new one.

Sunfloweranddaisy · 16/12/2025 12:27

Not sure if this has been mentioned by others as only read your replies @OneCheeryGoldMoose but I would be very careful she don’t ’accidentally’ get pregnant if he visits.

I hope for your sake he doesn’t go - and yes I would probably hide his passport if I was in your position.

FlockOfSausages · 16/12/2025 12:26

This thread is about an immature attention seeking son and an anxious overly involved mother. It’s an excellent example of how drama and theatrics get rewarded with attention.

Around 1 in 3 adults in the USA own a gun. There are more guns than people. The brother owning a gun is just information. He hasn’t been threatened in any way and I would question why he tells his anxious mother every single detail of these conversations.

Apocketfilledwithposies · 16/12/2025 12:25

I'd be concerned about:

a "spontaneous" wedding
an "unexpected" pregnancy
his life being in danger

if he went to America to see her.

He absolutely shouldn't go.

I wish my parents had been more blunt and protective of me at this age. You think you're all grown up and know everything but you're still so vulnerable.

What date is he actually meant to be going? I'm wondering how long you have before he's meant to fly.

Happyjoe · 16/12/2025 12:24

She's more than insane, she could be dangerous. I'd hate for him to be overseas meeting her. Hide the passport. Sorry OP.

Smiless · 16/12/2025 12:23

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 16/12/2025 10:58

My son has an overseas GF (long haul flight) who he met online (they haven't met IRL yet). They facetime etc, always on the phone. My son is 18 and works full time lives at home with us.

He wants to go and visit her in the New Year.

Trouble is she is insane (I'm sorry but she is) and he won't see it. He has a great relationship with me and his dad and tells us everything.

Everytime he see's friends (even if they are at ours- my sons a gamer lad- not a go out clubbing pub lad) she doesn't speak to him for three days as she tells him he's been cheating on her. His best mate came over at the weekend with his gf and she informed him he'd clearly only bought him over for a threesome......

I asked him if he had hoovered his room whilst he was on call the other day- she then told him he allowed me to have too much control over his life. He came on holiday with us and his two sisters a month ago and she was screeching at him down the phone that he should hide in the airport toilet away from us and not get on the plane because his sisters would speak to girls whilst on holiday which would mean he would also speak to them.

I have chats with all three of my kids at the end of the week like a catch up, check in on life and any issues/advice they want, just like a little mental health check from my side- he told her he was just talking to me for ten minutes and she replied back saying I'm a strange mother and obviously a narcissist that wants to control his life, that would be the only reason I speak to them all so much.

I don't know what to do. He has his own money to go and we will advise but not stop him if he's that adamant about going. But I am terrified she's dangerous and he's in an abusive relationship.
She recently sent him a document about trigger words to avoid when he comes as it will set her off- including speaking about me and his dad, any ex relationships, his sisters and his friends. He burst into tears and spoke to me and his dad. We explained it's not normal but he's in the mindset of when she's nice it's amazing.

His dad is on the verge of hiding his passport ffs. We have said he is the prime position to just block her as we aren't even in the same country but he can't/ won't do it.

You sound like an absolutely wonderful mother and father. Well done. You see so conscientious, caring and understanding.

I think you've probably all told him your feelings on the matter, both friends and family. It's wonderful that he's speaking and sharing with you. But if this is what he is sharing I'm sure that what he is not sharing is far worse. We all have our inner monologues and hide what we're not yet ready to share. That would be my concern. She could be far more abusive than he is letting on.

I'd strongly advise that you ask him to speak with someone who is trained to help people in these situations. I'd move quick before he tells her and she talks him out of it.

Sometimes it takes an outsider

StudentDays · 16/12/2025 12:23

I think in your DS case he can't see it because it's so outside his frame of reference.

He also obviously like you say clearly wants a nice stable relationship so he's over romanticising this. I agree with PPs that say if this went on it could cause real damage to him.

Excitement and nervousness live in the same part of the brain as well so that's probably confusing him, trauma bonding and all that. He does need to hand over his passport I think. Good luck.

P0loGirl · 16/12/2025 12:22

Sounds like she’s the kind of girl who might try to trap him by ‘accidentally’ falling pregnant…..

BoudiccaRuled · 16/12/2025 12:21

Can you encourage him to go out with friends to the pub - more of a chance he will meet someone better. Being online all the time is not helping him.

OneLilacHare · 16/12/2025 12:20

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 16/12/2025 11:21

Money. She has told my son she wants to be a stay at home wife and he should start providing that lifestyle now. We put an absolute stop to that though. I know he isn't as he's saving for a house and sends his dad half his money to go into savings so he doesn't spend it.

Show quote history

Try talking to him about what it would be like for children if they did get to that stage. Maybe you can help him to understand how damaging her behaviour would be to a child.

I am presuming that he is wanting a family too.

SliceofTosst · 16/12/2025 12:20

Stop it any way you can.

I'd also be thinking the 'brother' may be a boyfriend. Get him to read stories pp have posted.