Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH

Obviously he should wear a condom but no contraception is 100% effective.

There are also many stories of women taking condoms out of bins to inseminate themselves etc, especially with famous men.

This girl is unhinged and will do whatever it takes to try and trap him.

Are you sure she is an adult in her state? If she is 17 in many states he could be at risk.

Is she unwilling to visit him here because certain details would come out?

Causing the evidence to be created runs a higher risk of damaging your relationship with your son. Finding evidence that already exists is far better.

Well, if she's as bonkers as she sounds, then it's not exactly a stretch to imagine that she could stick pins through all the condoms is it? Or are you suggesting that he keeps them sellotaped to his body at all times so that they are never out of his sight?

Yep I would be making sure he hasn’t got a passport. I think I would be booking a flight myself because I literally wouldn’t rest. Private investigator to reveal her batshitness.

You'd be failing in your parental responsibilities, morally, if you don't intervene here. Hide his passport, try and block her, cut the WI-FI, and go to the Police. She's clearly unhinged and dangerous.

That’s right! Because condoms are 100% foolproof!

Not necessarily. My son is now married to the girl he met on line, she's from Denmark. Thankfully she's not a nutter.
I would hide/accidentally destroy the passport.

This is an exceptionally unhealthy 'relationship'.

Also, in the current climate in the US it would be very difficult to protect him if she gets him in trouble. He could end up in prison for whatever, or worse.

The fact that she threatened him with a gun would make me really up the game and make sure this relationship is over. Could you report her to the US authorities?

A few people mentioned safe sex/birth control. He should also be prepared for the don’t you trust me? Don’t you want to feel close to me? I thought we were exclusive? Prove it to me approach.

AI is that good that even if he has done video calls he has no idea who he is actually talking to.

OP I think you mentioned a step-father's business vehicle seen via street view in a previous post. I think possibly she's projecting her family issues onto your son because she is jealous of his close family and relationship with you (if she is just an unhinged fantasist and not a scammer). The power of such feelings cannot be underestimated, leading to limerance and really unhealthy obsession. It could relate to abandonment issues / attachment disorder.

The important thing is that your son cannot nor should be her therapist, and cannot fill whatever void she is trying to fill. It will never be enough.

If he is a kind and empathetic soul, that's the hook. An important thing to do is get him to believe that any even subconscious rescue complex she has pulled him into is way above his pay grade, and that's ok. It's why therapists exist, because no 18 year old with little life experience, and little relationship experience can provide the support demanded. Heck, it's taken me into my 50s to realise that despite the purest (and naive) intentions, whatever you do can be the way to hell.

I would also worry about her plans for a pregnancy. Also, is he sure she's over 18? My concern would also be that she "turns" and has him prosecuted for statutory rape.

OP, would a line about your concerns about travel to the US at this time hit home any more with him? That it's far safer for them both if she visits here?

I wouldn't hide his passport. But I also wouldn't help at all with booking flights, getting him to the airport etc.

Sabotage his ESTA by contacting the US consulate and telling them he hates Trump?

But seriously - American nutters are the worst. They not only extra mad but also have guns and a huge country where people can just disappear. I would not let him go, using any way possible.

This is crazy 😧

I'm afraid you might have to wait it out. I'm sure he'll wise up eventually and see this relationship for what it is. Hormones, first love etc will be at play now but I think this relationship will not last forever.

For the girlfriend's sake, I hope she'll manage to grow out of whatever is going on with her.

I think it would be smart to find out if he has ever sent her money.

Even if she weren't controlling, and dangerous, everything you've said suggests they will be getting pregnant as soon as they meet in person. Which would prolong the nightmare for all of you, indefinitely.

If he is a young 18, still living at home, with you cooking, cleaning, and paying for the roof over his head, then yes, hide his passport.

Stop coddling him in any way. Charge him full market rates for his share of rent and bills. Ensure he's doing a full adults share of cooking, housework, maintenance and other chores. Bluntly tell him he's in a toxic online dynamic, spell out the markers of abusive relationships (and point him to external info sources), and ask him wtf he is doing modelling that this is okay for his younger siblings. Be clear that none of it is acceptable in a healthy, happy home; in your home. Set adult expectations and responsibilities for him as a fellow adult in a home with actual children to protect and nurture.

If an adult child has already left home and is self-supporting then I think you can only advise and keep communication channels open for the inevitable mop-up later.

"My son has an overseas GF "

He doesn't. He's being catfished.

She won’t be able to ‘trap him/accidentally get pregnant’ if he brings and wears condoms will she?

let’s not be letting boys take no responsibility for where they sow their own seeds…

This is very worrying OP. I would definitely be hiding his passport. I can imagine the girlfriend hiding his passport and not letting him back home if he travels to see her. I really hope he will come to his senses and realises he needs to end this relationship. No one should be controlled and this is what she is trying to do. She will also try to isolate your ds with family and friends. This is not normal behaviour and very alarming.
You ds is young and should be enjoying his life to the full and not having this sort of stuff to deal with.
I have an 18 year old dd and she is working, studying and going out with friends. If she came across someone like this then I would be hiding her passport and doing what you are doing. They may be Adults but they are still our children and we know when we need to step in. I hope you manage to sort the situation out.

her level of emotional manipulation and control is shocking seeing as they have never met.

She is already trying to isolate him and come between him and his family.
Lists of trigger words and topics????

Once she gets her claws on him physically I feel sure she would immediately fall pregnant and the rest is history...

My worry would be that she meets him and gets pregnant immediately. She knows he's a decent boy who wouldn't leave her in the lurch. Far better he doesn't go there in the first place.

Could you pay for him to see a counsellor? When is he meant to be visiting her? Everything about her sounds worrying and I think you should definitely hide his passport.