All our children are different religions, Christmas is feeling overwhelming

What a silly thing to say.

Christmas, or the Feast of the Nativity, has been celebrated by Christians for well over 1000 years, in the Middle East, Asia, where and Africa where the earliest Christian communities are, Europe, and even in the Americas for many centuries, in both the Northern and Southern hemispheres.

It's not a "winter" festival in many of those places, btw. Because you know in many of the places where people are Christians it isn't particularly wintry, or it's actually the height of summer.

And speaking of the Jewish side... Children "inherit" their faith from their mothers in Judaism. So unless she has officially converted, which you don't say she has (it's very difficult to do apparently), her children aren't Jewish.
They can be "culturally" Jewish, but not officially so.

Your adult children have attended enough of your christmases to know how it's going to run, surely?

As for presents, can't the children have them to take home with them? Even if it's just a discrete carrier bag handed to the parent at the door? I understand you'd much prefer to see the children open them, but it would be very unfair for the 4yo muslim, who just wouldn't understand.

Personally, I'd have forgone all gifts and taken them gifts to open at their appropriate religious festival.
"Hi DDs, I've decided that it's probably easier all round if I don't give any of the children gifts at Christmas. I'll keep hold of them and distribute them at "relevant" celebration!"

TBH, this sounds like a lot of religious overkill. But perhaps I'm too much of an atheist to understand! It just seems like you are going to a LOT of effort to bend to your adult children who had no interest whatsoever in keeping to their childhood faith - and indeed jumped into a new one for a man - which also rather implies they aren't that fussed what religion they are!

If you live in the UK, it's a Christian country - the King is the head of Church of England. Christmas is a national holiday. Just give gifts to all the kids - you don't need to justify. Your daughter is unreasonable. I cannot imagine giving gifts only to some kids, they would be devastated!
BTW, my DH and I are of different religions and we celebrate each other's festivals.

this. I would suggest that you set up a family chat if you don't have one, and set out, gently and kindly, what YOU will be doing in YOUR house at Christmas. Those of your family who are happy to join you are welcome and those who can't fall in with you will be welcome to visit on another day.

I agree, but I don’t see that any of that is relevant to the issue of whether or not to say grace before a meal.

I don't understand why dd1 won't accept gifts for her children. She doesn't have to celebrate Christmas to accept gifts. Her husband's family will be giving her children presents on Eid. I'm Hindu so we don't have any restrictions on celebrating any other religions holidays. However, I remember seeing a video online saying that Muslim converts should go visit their family for Christmas and exchange presents. Converts tend to to be a lot stricter.

At school, my Muslim friends would take part in secret Santa etc. Not going to your son's wedding as it is in a church is extreme. Most Muslims won't care. In fact a Muslim man can marry a Christian woman without them converting. They're all abrahamic religions and she seems to be taking it too seriously! But not sure why she would come to yours on Christmas though if she is so against it?

Imagine all the voices going on in his head, it must be 24/7 cacophony.

Personally I’d be booking a holiday away every year if I had to navigate all this.

Bit rude! Islam has huge requirements around its worship, many of which are very sexist towards women and girls. Women (however clever, brave, good and charismatic) cannot be imams. And women and girls are strictly forbidden from the Mosque's main prayer hall which is reserved only for use by men and older boys.

It makes Christianity (even High Church Catholicism) seem positively feminist and warmly mellow!

Why are you tip toeing around their new found religions, surely it should be up to the ones who decided to convert to navigate all this? They know you are Christians and always have been, they will know how Christmas works in your house so they should be able to slot back into what was once their religion/festive holiday too if they decide to join you. They need to respect your traditions too, not have you tie yourself in knots trying to accommodate them.

It does seem odd that they still want to join in Christmas day but then stipulate things like no presents, surely you either join in or you don't? If I was hosting I'd say they should either arrive a couple of hours after everyone else or take themselves off for a walk/local pub for a couple of hours so everyone else can do presents and it doesn't spoil the santa magic for the other children. They should be coming up with a solution to this though if it is their choice not to join in, not expecting you to somehow come up with something that keeps everyone happy.

Your eldest daughter sounds like a nightmare and she could well ruin your day. Can you see her and her fam another day? It isn't right to "insist" on things when you are a guest.
You should celebrate Christmas your way. Why does her religion trump yours? It's ridiculous. There is no need for her to make it a battleground.
I would arrange presents for another day if she is coming, as her child will be upset to have none. She has no right to disrupt your own religious observance especially in your home. Why should you give presents for Eid when you don't believe in it? Who is looking out for you in all this?
I get that you want everyone together but you could do that another time? And have a nice Christmas without being made to feel awkward. Your daughter knows how important your religion is so she should respect it, like you do hers.

You sound like a kind and thoughtful mother and grandmother. It sounds like you are doing your best. If the GC who don't get presents are upset then that's down to their parents to explain to them why, not you. Please don't stress.

Small gift each I mean.

Can you communicate directly with him in advance and ask him to help you navigate this? I would want to say that you want to welcome them all into your Christmas. You don’t want to dilute your Christmas to the point where it isn’t recognisable. Would he be able to support you doing what you normally do and your grandchildren learning that one set of grandparents have different cultural and religious practices (and a set of cousins also have a third set)? It could be such an amazing opportunity for all your grandchildren to experience the similarities and differences, and also for them to understand that, just as they are all family, these religions are all part of the same family of faiths.

I would do it in a traditional Christmas way including a small from for each of them but don’t go crazy. I wouldn’t do Father Christmas under these circumstances.

Well this seems rather selfish of DD. I can imagine the 4yr old being upset and understandably so. She doesnt get a choice what religion she is following. I know Muslims who celebrate Christmas as in the commercial element not the religious side.

If you go to someone's house on the day of a religious festival it would be unreasonable not to expect them to celebrate it! If the OP visits her daughters for Shabbat or Eid would the dds remove religious prayers from the event? Of course they wouldn't, nor should they.
What would be unreasonable would be to make your guests take part in the prayers.
But I'm surprised the siblings are still speaking to their sister since she refused to go to their weddings.

Your DD1 is behaving selfishly. I'm sorry you are having to negotiate your way through this.

She is placing you in an impossible position, which will make her children feel unhappy. At that age children often see presents as proxies for how loved they are. So they are furious and very hurt if it appears another child in the family gets more expensive presents from Mum & Dad or the Grandparents and so he or she is more loved.

This isn't an argument for children being given large expensive presents, of course. Just that all the children are treated similarly.

I would buy presents for DD1's children and keep them hidden. If (let's be honest here, when) they get upset I'd take DD1 aside and confess I have already got them presents for Eid, can they have these early? Wrap them in neutral (or Eid appropriate) paper of course.

She'll almost certainly cave. And so she should. If you're a guest you should behave like one, and be grateful and do your very best to fit in and not cause unhappiness.

On the upside, I think that her wanting to attend Christmas lunch is a positive sign. Having your own children can bring back so many happy memories of your own childhood christmases.

Wishing you all a very happy Christmas!

Celebrate Christmas as usual, don’t worry about the no gifts your DD can deal with her children being upset if they are. Like your own children their children may choose their own faith though currently all of them are people of the book . Who knows their kids may grow up as non believers.

Yes, absolutely, if you want to do it, do it. If, on the other hand, you want to show courtesy to guests you know would be uncomfortable with it, don’t do it.

At least you all believe in the same God.

DD1 sounds like a complete stirrer. I would assume she's coming to cause trouble given she's clearly not there for the meal, the celebration or her siblings.

I would either give her children a present (and tell her beforehand that you will not be leaving them out) or do presents separately- perhaps on Christmas Eve. And I would have an unapologetically religious day - grace, church, decorations, music - the lot.

I'm sad that nobody seems to be thinking of the OP in this. It is very painful to have family reject your religion. Who is looking out for and supporting you, OP?

That’s not really the point is it. If you want to pray out loud go ahead :)

Converts can be very trying

I'd buy gifts for the little one. Put them in a bag away from the main gifts, tuck them behind the tree. If the child does have a meltdown let mummy deal with it quietly let them know you've wrapped presents and they're behind the tree but it's their call. If they won't relent save them for Eid.

I presumed that OP added the word 'lovely' to avoid posters trying to create a narrative about her son in law being controlling or forcing OP's DD to forgoe a treaditional Christmas.

It's not unusual for these kinds of threads to attract racists or islamphobics.