Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All our children are different religions, Christmas is feeling overwhelming

332 replies

Ellipsie · 16/12/2025 06:31

DH and I have 4 children, all now adults, all married. We are CofE Christians, our children were raised CofE Christians and Christmas for us has always been religion first.

Our eldest DD married a lovely Muslim and converted to Islam. Her 2 children are being raised Muslim.
Our youngest DD married her best friend from secondary school, he is Jewish, he leans liberal and isn’t as devout as DD1s family, but they celebrate Jewish holidays, go to synagogue for Yom Kipur/Rosh Hashanah etc. and always without fail have Shabbat dinner with his family. Their daughter is now 3 so more aware than in previous years.
Both of our DS are loosely Christian, church on Easter and Christmas only but do view Christmas as being religion first.

For our daughters they both have different approaches to Christmas.
My eldest daughter doesn’t want any presents for her children for Christmas, she has asked we celebrate them at Eid instead, which is of course understandable and absolutely fine. They will be joining us for dinner on Christmas Day though.
Our youngest daughter has a different approach where by they still celebrate Christmas “culturally”, so they do Father Christmas and have a Christmas tree etc. They also allow us to give their child a gift at Christmas.

Now our grandchildren are no longer babies I am finding it all a bit tricky to navigate. This year we have 7 grandchildren.
Our eldest DDs 2 children are now 4 and 2, our eldest son has a 3 year old and a 1 year old, our younger son has a 2 year old and a newborn and our youngest daughter has a 3 year old.

This is the first year we will be hosting Christmas with children who are aware of what’s going on. I’m terrified that as DD1 doesn’t want us give her children gifts they are going to feel awful as we will be giving the others gifts. I thought we could get around this by having our grandchildren who will get gifts come over earlier and receive them but as DD2 isn’t Christian and doesn’t do church that won’t be possible.

At the same time I’m also terrified about getting the language right, Christmas has always been religious for us, but now I’m thinking do I need to present everything as “well granny and grandad believe this, but others don’t”?

It’s got me very stressed out and I don’t want to upset or offend any of my children.

AIBU to struggle with this? Does anyone have any advice or ideas on how I can make this work?

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 16/12/2025 06:43

I think you need to take a breath and work out what is your responsibility and what is the relevant parents' responsibility.

The possible upset of one child over gifts not being received is the responsibility of their parents. Ask the parents how they want to deal with it.

As for discussing religion, do you usually discuss it a lot? If you for example do a prayer, just say something like 'this is when I do my prayer, anyone else please feel free to say a different one too'.

Original poster
Ellipsie · 16/12/2025 06:43

simplesimoneatspie · 16/12/2025 06:39

Well, I’m not sure whether this is a genuine post. If it is, it’s quite simple really. The answer to your question is in your title, being ‘Christmas’. You are a christian and this is a celebration of the birth of Christ so this is how you should celebrate. Those who love you will respect this.

I’m not sure why it wouldn’t be genuine?

Of course we will still be celebrating as Christians but a big part of that for me is being with my family. I’m happy to make adjustments if it means we can all be together.

OP posts:
LiddySmallbury · 16/12/2025 06:42

I think you’re making this unnecessarily complicated. Muslim parents and others who don’t celebrate Christmas are used to dealing with the ‘no presents’ issue. Just let them handle it. And unless you’re banging on about the birth of Jesus all day, I can’t see why you’d have to tell your grandchildren that ‘some people believe X’?

Unicornsarefluffy · 16/12/2025 06:41

Your children know how you do Christmas as they grew up in your house. I would do it as you always do it.

As for gifts - I think there will be upset from such small children. Maybe ask your children what their plan is to manage it.

If I went to a Jewish or Muslims house for a celebration I would expect to fit in with them. Surely them coming to yours for Christmas means you just do it your way.

Original poster
Ellipsie · 16/12/2025 06:40

TableTopppp · 16/12/2025 06:35

Sounds very complicated and you sound very thoughtful. Can you just ask everyone altogether either in person or on the family WhatsApp?

I’ve asked everyone what their personal wants are, such as DD1 not wanting gifts, DD2 being fine with gifts but not wanting to discuss the religious elements etc. it’s more melding it all together so everyone feels respected without the grandchildren who are still too young I feel to understand why their cousin is getting new toys and they aren’t or why some people are praying or going to church and they aren’t, or why Father Christmas visited some of them but not others etc, feeling too confused, hurt or left out.

OP posts:
simplesimoneatspie · 16/12/2025 06:39

Well, I’m not sure whether this is a genuine post. If it is, it’s quite simple really. The answer to your question is in your title, being ‘Christmas’. You are a christian and this is a celebration of the birth of Christ so this is how you should celebrate. Those who love you will respect this.

TableTopppp · 16/12/2025 06:35

Sounds very complicated and you sound very thoughtful. Can you just ask everyone altogether either in person or on the family WhatsApp?