To not go to the in-laws at Christmas

I'd absolutely let DH go with the children. You'll have a baby this time next year. Make the most of getting a bit of quiet time to yourself. Make sure you do something nice. Nice food. Long bath. Relax.

Give it to yourself as a private gift! Metaphorical middle finger to MIL.

Your biggest problem is not your MIL its your DH - its his mother, tell him to tell her you are staying home this year. You are your own family now.

Stand up to her

Yes this, I remember putting a very vague status on FB in aug/sept about 8 years ago, knowing full well MIL would read it!
It did the job and we haven't spent Xmas with the inlaws since!
I tagged DH and said how much I was already looking forward to Xmas day at home with foot long pigs in blankets, lots of prosecco and games with the DC!
MIL got sniffy, SIL was apoplectic that I'd beat her to it as that was her plan too!!
We laugh about it now, but our xmases have been much happier without a 3 hour drive, squashed into a too small dining room with people who really don't want to be there....

Perhaps I'm reading too much into this but sounds like you will spend all day on eggshells around her. Why put yourself through this at all? It's perfectly legitimate to just say 'No, sorry MIL, we want a small family Christmas at home this year so we'll see you on Boxing Day (or whenever) instead'.

So let her be angry. What can she do, other than make an arse of herself? You dopn't rely on her for anything thats he can withhold to punish you, and you don't need her support or approval.

I wouldn't be letting her find out/figure it on on Christmas Day though. Let your DH tell her the happy news and leave her rage to simmer itself out so that it's not all playing out on Christmas Day.

Concept of a grandparent being unhappy about another grandchild is wild to me.

All you need to do is say you have an infection eg. UTI or ear infection, something invisible, and that you can’t drink on the antibiotics. That’s it. Nothing else required.

Sounds like you'd all have a better day staying home. MIL will have a house full, so it's not like she'll be spending the day alone. Would your DH back out of going, say you're all feeling a bit ill and don't want to pass it on?

I wouldn't spend Christmas apart from my kids. I'd either tell her youre recovering from an illness or on medication so you can't drink.

Or tell her about the pregnancy first.get your husband to talk to her and tell her no comments, no judgement, and if she can't stick to that then none of you will go.

I can't believe you've all arranged to go to someone for Christmas who is so openly hostile and judgemental to you though, to the point where your very young kids have noticed!

Definitely fake illness, you’ve been out with your friends and had too much wine and a dodgy kebab. Make sure to have a bottle of Pepto Bismol on show.

Well if she's going to be angry regardless, just do what you want to do! Come down with norovirus, there's no way she'll want you puking on her. Just keep your Christmas day off any social media etc...

1. Wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy.
2. You poor, poor thing - she sounds awful.

Feign illness. Your husband and kids go - but for a shortened time.

Have a really good think about how you want your family of five to spend Christmas 2026 and subsequent Christmases. Is it time to move the centre of gravity to you and your children and have a MIL-free Christmas Day from now on, if she’s a cow? In which case, your husband needs to deliver that news in about August so she’s got bags of time to get her head round it.

1. Wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy.
2. You poor, poor thing - she sounds awful.

Feign illness. Your husband and kids go - but for a shortened time.

Have a really good think about how you want your family of five to spend Christmas 2026 and subsequent Christmases. Is it time to move the centre of gravity to you and your children and have a MIL-free Christmas Day from now on, if she’s a cow? In which case, your husband needs to deliver that news in about August so she’s got bags of time to get her head round it.

She sounds like a nasty bully.
I think you should all stay home but do whatever feels best for you.
I wouldn't be asking her for anything ever, or telling her anything either.

One of our kids told her that I feel she doesn’t like me.

Your young kids should not even be party to that info. How much time do you spend discussing, angsting, reacting to all this?

Just tell her, before Christmas. Tell her now. And have your DH be upfront but not hostile “Come on Mum, whatever you think here, your job is to be nice so can we keep that sort of comment down and enjoy Christmas “ “Mum, you won’t need to babysit unless you really want to. We have childcare covered” “Yep you have concerns or whatever. We are grown ups, it’s our job to manage, we are happy so that’s that”. “We had this conversation, nothing more to say”.

Do it before Christmas. Now. Because then your DH can say to her “Mum it isn’t relaxing or enjoyable for us to listen to this so we’ll stay home”. But he has to lead. It’s his Mum.

Your DH should tell her in advance and also ask her to refrain from telling anyone. He can say that neither of you want people to know until after your scan etc. so please don’t highlight any behaviours that would signpost the pregnancy to others.

I don’t understand why you ever planned to spend Christmas with this bitch?

I think you either tell her, let her be nasty, and then she has given you a reason not to go (or see her ever again). Or if you really can’t face that, the whole family has strategic flu.

You do need to stand up to her though. Why do you give a shit if she’s angry? You can just block her.

I could never not have Xmas with my kids as I was scared of my mil. Go, just tell her in advance and get it over with.

Get your son to go and tell her in advance of christmas day and that baby will be going to nursery. He needs to stand up to her if she is negative, not you.

So tell her before and see her once before and get it over with. Not ideal but won’t ruin Christmas either. If she’s going to do it whatever just get it done. And then maybe you and your husband (with your strong backbone in tow) could tell her I don’t appreciate her comments.

Will you be staying the night there or driving home? I wouldn't use the antibiotics line, if you do go and decided not to tell, it makes it more obvious. just hold a glasss but don't drink it/swap with dh. If you are going home, then you be the driver?

perhaps tell her (get DH to tell her) before? so there's no fallout on actual Christmas Day

It's horrible that she's made you feel like this, and it would be sad to miss Christmas with your family.

Great point! OP should proudly tell her about her pregnancy and say “I’ll have as many kids as you soon!” 😂

I would play it one of two ways. If it's just part of Christmas Day, and I thought I could get through it with no sickness, then I'd feign that I'd had an infection and I'm on antibiotics and can't drink/have a reduced appetite as a result.

Alternatively, make the decision now that you have a nice family Christmas at home. Again, plead sickness as a reason to not go as you don't want to risk any of you having it/spreading it around. If she's angry thinking you're sick then it says all you need to know about her.

One last thing, if she has nine grandchildren, then I'll assume she has at least three DC of her own (unless your DH sibling has 7 kids). Therefore she is in no position to be commenting on how many DC you have. Maybe your DH should point out to her that if she'd controlled her own family size, there would be fewer GC as a result.

Congratulations!! She sounds really difficult. Really though, surely you want to see your kids on Christmas Day? Can’t you just ignore her if she’s acting weird? If anything it’ll really show your own kids that MIL isn’t very nice and that’s why you don’t like spending time with her!