To not go to the in-laws at Christmas

Say you are on antibiotics for an ear infection and can't drink x

Goodness me what a nasty woman she is.

Personally I would stay at home with DH and children and have a fabulous Christmas just the 4 of you and think that next year there will be 5 of you and the landscape will look different, in a lovely way.

Congratulations and best wishes with the pregnancy.

I agree. If there was ever a time to invoke Covid, this is it. You have to do whatever is best for you to get through Christmas without unnecessary stress; don’t feel guilty about that. It’s not your fault she is rude and irrational about her grandchildren.

What kind of person would resent and moan and complain about having so many grandchildren? Im positive that wouldnt be a loving and caring person! I would stay well away from her. Nobody needs to be around a person like that ! Pregnancy and a new baby should be something to celebrate an̈d look forward to. Also, if you dont rely on her to look after your children like the others then she shouldnt be moaning and complaining at you. Id tell her that your all unwell with the flu and have a nice christmas at home. Im sure she wont be lonely with such a large family!

You need to put your kids first. They will want to be with their mum on Christmas Day. Don't let your MIL ruin this. Tell her a couple of days before that you've tested positive for covid and it's therefore likely you'll all have it.

Your DH is missing the point. He needs to tell his mother to pack in being sarcastic and angry with you.

My Nan used to say.. ‘babies are never bad news’

Stop going there for Christmas for a start. Why does she have all this control that you’d rather give up Christmas day with your young DC than stand up to her? If you’re not expecting anything from her then ignore any comments. My mum made a nasty comment about my pregnancy with DC3 even though I live 250 miles away and she wasn’t expected to do anything. Take back control and tell your DH to tell her you’ve decided to have Christmas just the 4 of you this year. Or tell her Christmas day and when she kicks off, it’s your excuse to never have to go over on Christmas day ever again!

Gosh.

first of all congrats!!!

let her be suspicious. Say that you have a bad tumy which would save you from any food you try to escape AND red wine… that you will only drink k water as the rest makes you want to puke.

tell your news when you are away and you can put the phone down!

Tell her you had a sore throat, visited Pharmacy 1st at your local chemist, and was prescribed antibiotics.

That should cover for the avoidance of alcohol and dairy and any early pregnancy symptoms you might experience on Christmas Day!

Can’t you be driving? No need to drink then. What foods can’t you eat? Surely there will be a selection of cheese not just unpasteurised Camembert?

Ordering food costs? Why would thar be OP's problem? I expect mil has pissed off other family members and may be some of them will have the sense and not go either.
Upsetting mil because of food wouldn't concern me personally, she shouldn't be such a bitch to her family in the first place. But then I would have told her to go fuck herself with a cactus years prior, because I'm not a nice person around twats.

The lesser of two evils is where you don't have to be in MIL's company. So you all stay at home.

Why would you lie about being ill you're an adult not a child right? It's just having control to her yet again complete waste of time.
I wouldn't go and would expect h to back me up, it's only his m, she doesn't get to dictate to you or anyone else what they can can't do. The baby will arrive and she'll count the dates back to christmas 2025 and accuse you or lying about illness and all the rest of the shite.
Personally I would cut all contact with her. H can take the kids but there is no way I'd ever see her again.

Your husband should say something before you do she can’t be nasty about you having a child it’s so bizzare you are giving her too much power say clearly we do not expect anything from you it’s our lives be happy or not just keep it to yourself and congrats by the way .

Problem is, she has probably already incurred the cost of ordering all the food so for the entire family to bail at this late stage with little explanation is going to feel pretty off.

In your shoes, I'd send DH off to have a word with her. You are pregnant, it's very early days. Her behaviour with [presume other DD's/SIL's] was noted and he doesn't want a) a single comment made about what you eat or don't eat on the day and b) a sniff of an atmosphere.
If she can't manage that then the 4 of you will stay at home. For obvious reasons, she is under no circumstances to mention this to anyone.
If you think he can deliver this in the right tone and with a firm spine, that's what I'd do.

If not, then bail. It will look as rude as hell but all will become apparent.

You need to go I do not care whether that witch is angry, I care about the best day for us.
and it sounds like that’s not going.you or the dc, as I want Christmas with my dc, so none of us would be going.

You know OP, this tiptoeing round "how MIL might or might not feel" is one of the reasons my exMIL is an ex. Every year it was the same with exH anxiously obsessing over his mother's potential reaction to every possible scenario. Would she take offence? How would she react if x happened? How would she make him feel?

Fuck that. No one ever gave that much headspace about how I might feel including him. It's an ego thing.

Tell him to grow a pair. What is it with grown men and their mothers at Christmas? And the rest of us are expected to fall into line! The reason they behave so badly is because their family let them get away with it

I wouldn’t spend Christmas Day with someone who would be visibly unhappy that I was pregnant, mostly because that suggests they don’t know how to behave in public in other situations too. I’d just stay at home all of you together.

Sounds like you (and your DH) have been a doormat for far too long.

When you have your own family, Christmas is for making your own traditions which IMO means staying at home where amongst other things, the children can play with their new toys.
Visit on Boxing Day or have parents over to you but no way would I be going out year after year.

Say sorry MIL we won't be coming this year. Due to my morning sickness. She can have a double rage and you won't hear it

She sounds awful, and I would let your DH deal with her wrath when he tells her none of you are coming due to ‘insert excuse’. Don’t give her a second thought, she’s not your mum and you should not sacrifice your day for her

There is no way I would miss out on Christmas Day with my children because of a controlling, bitter MIL.

It sounds like if you tell her about the pregnancy beforehand she will ruin your Christmas Day by complaining about it, and you will end up anxious and pressured to eat things you can’t (I find it weird that she will expect/pressure you to drink alcohol even if you were not pregnant) if you don’t tell her. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. She sounds like the sort of person who likes the idea of family but not the realities. That’s not somebody I would choose to spend Christmas Day with.

If you don’t go I think you all should not go. Don’t hand over power of your family unit to her. They are your young children to enjoy Christmas with, not hers.

No. Absolute 💯 take back your power in this scenario.

Start your own tradition with your own family, that you do it at home. And LET HER feel whatever emotions she wants too. You have no control of how she feels, youre not responsible for her emotions, you dont have to ensure she is happy.

If she rages, dont try and justify yourself.

"we are staying home this year"
"have a lovely time"

Stop apologising, stop jumping to her beating drum. You're a grown adult, with your own family now. Stop ✋️

If you don't want to share info with her the easiest excuses is. " Ive picked up an ( ear is my favourite because you can pretend to be a bit deaf - ignore her) infection and cant drink with the antibiotics ."
Also you might have to go home early to have a bit of a lie down, or feel a bit dizzy, balance seems to be going ! Bloody ears eh 🙄