DSS GF told DD she needs to "lose some weight"

Sorry to make light of the situation. But your Dd wound never had survived my nan 🙈.
In life you get situations where ppl are are blunt and sometimes just plain rude .
I'd encourage DD with your presence to let the offender know how unappreciated her comment was and going fwd unsolicited comments on her appearance are not appreciated then move fwd and on ,,if your sons gf is blunt the..sne whilst t.be offended by a gentle rebuke .

Just because she is overweight does NOT mean something is wrong! Lots of young people carry extra weight or are underweight during their teenage years, their bodies are in the midst of developing, it doesn't mean they are eating too much or too little. This woman had no right to comment upon such a personal thing, how does she know whether or not your daughter suffers from an eating disorder? This might just teach her a valuable lesson to keep her mouth shut in future. If she's genuinely sorry when she realises how much upset she's caused, then it'll be a true test of her character to see whether or not she reaches out to your daughter with an apology.

Sorry, but you think our culture has become too sensitive. I think it is the other way around. We are no-where near sensitive enough, we let other 'cultures' walk all over us!

I agree that 'important things aren't challenged', but only as a Nation. The people we - our Governments - fear upsetting, are always from other cultures. They have put us, British citizens, last.

For the sake of family harmony the ideal situation would be for SS to talk to his GF. He doesn't need to make a big deal of it. Could be along the lines of X was upset because it's not really the done thing in this country to mention someone's weight even if if it wasn't meant nastily. If GG has any decency then she could simply apologise to your daughter and say she didn't mean to offend her and that it wasn't meant horribly.

Otherwise your DD will be sitting through Christmas wondering if the GF is going to say something else and silently hating her. 14 year olds are very good at brooding on things!!

That's if she hasn't gone to her Dad's.

Of course the GF may think she has absolutely nothing to apologise for and be offended. It could go either way.

😂

You're absolutely right. Silly me. I'd forgotten that being skinny (apologies, 'healthy') is the holy grail of all mumsnetters. I must do better and assimilate.

You never know, it might even make her skinny, as this was likely the very first time she realised she was overweight until this really helpful woman told her. Now the weight will magically melt off and her life will be perfect.

If she is overweight then something is wrong, so my comment still stands. Many parents think their child portion sizes are right and that they eat healthily, sometimes this is not the case.

Why do you think OP is not British?

Don't uninvite her. Just let your teen daughter deal with how crap she'll feel in this woman's company. On Christmas day. It will apparently teach her a lesson in resilience. 🙄🙇

Op said she's no way to contact girlfriend directly so has no choice but to go through DSS.

Could just communicate with her directly so she understands the sensitivity? Don't need to necessarily go max by uninviting her.

I had comments like this made to me when I was a teenager and I honestly think they contributed to a serious eating disorder I developed aged 18. I'm now 58 and I still remember the shame and humiliation these comments caused, although I'd handle it differently now but teenage years are such an emotional time with hormonal changes etc, no wonder your poor daughter is upset. I don't care where the girlfriend is from, it was not her place to comment on your daughter's weight. How dare she! Only you or her dad have the right to do that and it sounds like you are handling it really well with the healthy eating/exercise etc route. There's no way my daughter would be spending Christmas elsewhere because she doesn't feel comfortable in her own home with this woman. She's probably worried that she'll be scrutinising every single morsel of food she puts into her mouth. I'd phone DSS and tell him how upset your daughter is, to the point she wants to go to her dad's for Christmas and obviously, you don't want this to happen, so it would be better, this year, if his girlfriend kept away from your daughter and didn't come for Christmas. It's not as if she's his wife, they don't even live together. Why should you or your husband put this woman's feelings above your daughters.

A 'fleeting comment by a stranger' can definitely cause a spiral into a full blown eating disorder. Especially in a teenager. It doesn't matter how 'resilient' you think you've taught your child to be.

'Good people sometime say unkind things'. If that's true, then 'good people' will understand there are consequences of saying unkind things.

Well said, honestly, the "tell it like it is" brigade salivating at the thought of putting the boot into a teenage girl about her weight and calling it "teaching resilience" . Gross.

You’re comcerns are valid. But don’t make it bigger by uninviting sons gf. Have a word with her, understand her intentions and set your boundary.

I just meant it's not their biggest event of the year, not that they don't have feelings :)

She's probably fairly recent to the UK and hasn't assimilated yet.

Maybe, mabye not. They are people with feelings too.
I just think intention is an important part of the equation here. And I have no way of knowing that. I don't know whether the GF is a cow or just misguided.

LOL this a million of times :)))
MN is a testament to this :)

I have lived abroad many times.

My stance is unchanged. What it’s like in other countries is irrelevant. She should acquaint herself with the customs of the country she is choosing to live in.

Throughout their childhood you focus on/ role-model healthy eating habits + exercise, as well as good relationship with food, to prevent eating disorders.

A fleeting comment by a stranger is not going to undo your hard work. Good people sometime say unkind things. You teach resilience in children by showing them how to manage their feelings in the face of negative comments, not by isolating themselves from people as to not get hurt.

He’s a step child on mumsnet , of course there are no consequences for him 😉

Do you think it would matter much for a Russian to be uninvited? They don't celebrate in December anyway.

Your daughter has expressed her wishes. She now wants to spend Christmas with her Dad. Let her. I wouldn't want to spend Christmas with a mother and stepfather who seem impotent when coming to my defence.

Being Russian doesn't excuse the inappropriateness of telling a teenager (who they've only just met) that she needs to lose weight...'for her health'. Culture clash? Are you serious?

Your daughter is distressed by what was said. It's Christmas. You can't expect her to feel comfortable being in this woman's company. I'm surprised you would be tbh.

Exactly. Overweight people from Russia don’t love being told they’re fat either and it hurts them too. Racism and ableism still used to be deeply hurtful when people felt free to engage in that behaviour. My guess is that this bitchy girl knows exactly what she is doing. If she claims to be motivated by concern for health, I wonder if she’d sidle up to a middle aged man and tell him to slim down. My guess is not but apparently this young girl is fair game.