DSS GF told DD she needs to "lose some weight"

They already have organised these groups. One particular group is known as drunken gits.

Sure, maybe you could assemble groups of straight talkers who could wander around informing overweight people they are fat. It would be a kindness in the big scheme of things and would doubtless reverse the scourge of obesity.

FFS.

I think if it's bothered her so much that she doesn't want to spend Christmas with you if the rude cunt gf comes shows how hurt your daughter is.
Personally I'd be backing her and saying they're not welcome, she's your daughter and what you do here will be impactful for her.
Couldn't give two shits about how 'cultural' her comment was, this is a 14 year old girl and how it has made her feel is valid.

Well I didn't do a pinch test to determine body composition but these were Godzilla-esque women who certainly didn't look like thinness or weight consciousness was their thing (they won't mind me saying that: I have learned from this thread. It'd probably earn me some sort of plain-spokenness award.)

As a Brit, wholeheartedly agree. Body positivity is doing few people favours, we are a nation with an obesity epidemic and diabetes causing the NHS huge pressures. And we wonder why there is an ever increasing number of people deemed unfit to work…

By the sounds of it the girlfriend doesn’t even know she’s caused offense as no one has bothered to tell her.

Well I'm happy to volunteer when it comes to filling her in on that!

Surely throwing the discus requires athletic muscles, not fat? 🤔

Whether or not people think DD is overreacting and needs to be more resilient, she has stated her feelings and proposed course of action. If the GF comes, DD will not be there and will go to her Dads instead. Her relationship with her DM, StepDF and StepDB will be broken. All for some GF that may not even remain in her step-brothers future life. Conversely, uninvite the GF and DSS will be pissed off and sulk with his father. The thing is... DSS is 25 and DD is 14 and I bet DSS doesn't live in OPs home either. Has any form of apology from the GF been forthcoming? Does she even know about her faux pas? There are solutions to this but DH and DSS doubling-down is only going to make things worse, not better

Not sure its appropriate to drag the brother into it and to tell his girlfriend off

Pages and pages of threads on here about not making women/wives responsible for the upset their husbands cause or to fix it or be the ones to make him apologise etc

I dont think the girlfriend needs to apologise but if OP wants to talk to her about it, she shouldnt do this via her step son, only getting the girlfriends number but not using him as some sort of messenger to tell her off. Thats not appropriate. If you have an issue with a person talk to that person, not their partner.

How do they not all grow up with profound self-image problems? And don't say they are all reed thin waifs, because they just aren't: some of the most promising-looking women for throwing the discus I have met have been Russian.

Why wouldn't I think she was spiteful? Sjlhe made a nasty comment that would clearly have made the 14 year old child in front of her upset so there's no particular reason for you to think she wasn't. Nor is there a particular reason to assume she doesn't know because her boyfriend may well have told her what was said.

I’m not sure why you think it was a comment motivated by spite, or that she was being intentionally rude.

Her culture is relevant in that it provides a reason as to why she doesn’t know that saying that is considered inappropriate in the UK. There is a difference between someone who makes a cultural faux pas, and someone who deliberately sets out to be spiteful.

That does not mean that what she said was okay, or that she doesn’t need to learn British norms (and I don’t doubt that she is trying to).

She’s not the one using her culture as an excuse. Nor is she the one telling OP’s daughter to get over it. It’s two British men that are doing that. By the sounds of it the girlfriend doesn’t even know she’s caused offense as no one has bothered to tell her.

Some of these replies are fucking insane.
The child’s weight is actually irrelevant. The DS gf made a rude a personal comment which left her embarrassed. It must have been excruciating for her. This is not a lesson in resilience- the comments like this stay with teens a long time. Poor girl.
Who gives a fuck if it’s cultural? The gf needs to be called out on what’s appropriate and what isn’t in the country where she is now living.
Op your DH needs to have your DDs back on this one on the Xmas issue- she is the priority here.

Well it’s clearly not working else her daughter wouldn’t be fat ! Maybe she needs a more straightforward approach yes !

The girlfriend overstepped the mark it wasn’t her place to mention your daughter’s weight. Would have still been inappropriate to mention your child’s weight if she had been slim, skinny etc I would speak to step son and explain his sister is upset and can he speak to his girlfriend to explain it should not happen again. I wouldn’t un invite her for christmas i would say to daughter people
sometimes say things they shouldn’t and can always have a conversation about healthy eating, exercise etc from there. A 14yr girl will be well aware she is bigger than others she doesn’t need someone she isn’t close to commenting and damaging her self esteem.

People commenting they’d be fine someone telling their teenage daughter they need to slim down I don’t think in every day life they’d have no issue with their daughters self esteem being crushed. Theirs ways to get them on track to be healthy and embarrassing them is not one. I am a mum of girls my youngest only 5 but teenager slim too slim at times and i’d be annoyed if someone commented on her weight it’s not their place

FFS what's wrong with you? OP has said that they:

'prefer to focus on healthy habits, no/limited junk food, portion control, physical activity etc.'

She is tackling the fact that her DD is a bit overweight with practical solutions and sensitivity.

You think that OP should just tell her daughter that she's fat? Obviously, slagging off fat people to their faces has always been a miracle cure for weight gain and obesity. That's why we hardly have any fat people in the UK🙃

It's not compliments either 😂 If I had a penny every time people commented on the dark circles under my eyes or whatever they wanted to comment on... 😂 Not friends or even acquaintances, just random people.

Yet on MN everyone is suddenly the pinnacle of culture and politeness :)))

Correct. Plenty on this thread who don't have a clue/care about the emotional fragility of teens. Or eating disorders.

Because it's all just 'concern' for our collective health and ...

... the greater good, right?

I'm sorry - but in the culture of this country, people do comment on people's appearances and to pretend otherwise it disingenuous. Yes, it's typically a social lubricant or compliment - eg change of hair colour, new outfit, snazzy earrings - but we don't live in a vacuum where personal appearance is uncommented on, still less passes unnoticed. And then there's being polite in the culture we like to think we have and also the reality - and kids and teenagers can be particularly vicious in trading 'fat' insults and worse. If what the Russian lady said is the worst this overweight teenager has ever heard, sadly she is going to be in for a life of rude surprises

I think the culture aspect is mostly irrelevant. There are plenty on here who favour plain talking/tell it like it is cruelty concern for a teenager.

Agree with this

"chan es are if she was in that shop with someone from another culture they may well have been telling her she needs to put weight on"

whilst this is well meaning, I don't think telling an overweight teenager that some cultures might think she should put on weight is particularly helpful. What the Russian woman said (absent further context) was impolite but was also correct, at least medically

I would suggest you say to DSS that his girlfriend needs to apologise to your DD. You should ask him directly as it sounds like your DH won’t do anything about it. If and when she does apologise, ask your DD if she would be happy for the girlfriend to join you for Christmas. If not, then the girlfriend gets uninvited.

Actually, whilst that's broadly true at a population level, once you break it down by gender, the disparity increases. So for women, the UK ranks as the 87th 'fattest' country for female obesity, with Russia weighing in at 106th. (But at population level across both men and women, Russia is only a few rankings better than the UK in terms of obesity)

There's no chance I'd have the unpleasant girlfriend in my house at Christmas ruining my daughter's day. She's not entitled to an invitation and she's ruled herself out by being spiteful to a young teenager she doesn't know. Her culture is irrelevant, rudeness isn't ours. Well I say that, there are a lot of grown adults on here who should salivate over their tea instead of putting the boot in to a child.