DSS GF told DD she needs to "lose some weight"

How about explaining to the girlfriend about different cultures, expecting a 14 year old to understand but not a grown woman?
She was rude and unkind. Absolutely none of her business to comment.

She is 14 . You choose your 14 year old over the adult woman who would have fully understood what she was saying.
Do you honestly think a 14 year old will forget you made the decision to spend Christmas with a woman who told her to lose weight ?

I really don't think the obesity crisis is because of people not being told they're overweight or because people don't know that they are!! We don't go around telling folks they are overweight or have problematic skin or they overdid the lip plumpers/botox or any such thing because it is none of our business, and it is hurtful and offensive! A young girl should not be made to feel conscious of her body in this hurtful way by anyone (whatever their intention might be)! I think the 14 year old should be comfortable eating and wearing what she wants at Christmas in her own home - having a judgy 'direct' guest there isn't going to be conducive to that.

I dont care if its a cultural thing or not, she's not in Russia, she's in the UK and what she said was rude.
I would uninvite her and keep your DD around.

I wouldn't be putting a step child's GF in front of my own child.

Russian girlfriend…hmm. Hasn’t your stepson been paying attention to the news? His father has instilled him with the wrong values.

Being overweight as a child could have dangerous consequences for this young person. Much more serious than hurt feelings. It’s absolutely ridiculous that people are pussy footing around issues like this. The only person gaslighting is you.

Everyone making the point that "it's cultural" and "dd needs to realise other people do things differently/won't sugar-coated things" seems to be missing the point that it's the gf living in our culture- surely if anyone needs to adapt her ways then it's her!

If anyone needs a bit of cultural enlightenment surely it's the gf who
A) is a an adult
B) is the one studying in and interacting with people from a different culture. If anything she needs to learn that if she tells a boss or colleague something bluntly in a way they consider rude she might have a shock. Telling a colleague they need to lose weight or don't look good could result in disciplinary action in many workforces. What if next time she says it to someone who has had a late stage miscarriage or has put weight on as a side effect from cancer treatment drugs?

I'm sure she/dss/dh wouldn't be happy if your dd turned around and said "well in my culture we don't invade other countries and murder children so maybe work on that?" If "it's okay for gf to be rude to a child because cultural stereotypes make everything understandable" then surely the same applies and she won't find it rude for you to refuse to have her in your house unless she apologises.

Why should dd have to be polite to a guest in her own house when said guest couldn't manage to be polite to her for a few hours the very first time they met?

No, but the DD is heavier at a time when her body is in the puberty phase and OP says she employs "healthy habits, no/limited junk food, portion control, physical activity." If she's not overeating crap and exercises, what else could it be?

Why are you so keen to fat shame a growing child?

Only your dd will know if the gf’s comments came from a place of kindness and concern, OP. Your dd probably felt shame and whatever transpired between these two on what was supposed to be a happy family day out, caused your dd to be quiet and sad at the end of it. No impressionable 14 year old girl would enjoy being judged like this by a woman she may even be thinking of as a future sister in law. I agree with other pps who’ve said she will be self conscious and this could lead to her being uncomfortable at Christmas dinner. If it’s her choice now to spend Christmas with dad, I don’t blame her.

Time for the GF to learn that some things are cultural, and in some cultures being really fucking rude gets you uninvited from Christmas.

This. It's a one off comment, and not meant nastily. Your DSS needs to let his GF know it's not appropriate.

If you met the latter type of person on a day out with boyfriend's family would you feel duty-bound to point out their weight (from a place of kindness and concern obviously)? No difference in either case. "Concern" over weight is just a way for bullies to attempt to justify their unkindness.

Not every child puts on weight during puberty, that’s not a fact.

She's 14, she's in that life stage.

Totally agree. You can't invite her without speaking with her first- if she does this throughout Christmas day it could be damaging for your daughter.

I don't understand why people are being so dismissive. 14 is such a sensitive time and even more brutal nowadays- your daughter deserves to be able to relax at home on Christmas day.

I think it depends what ‘a bit overweight’ means. If a BMI of 26 and is probably just puberty needing to even itself out then she was being rude. If the daughter is actually really overweight and it is obviously impacting her health (not being able to do active things, finding it hard to walk distances etc) then it probably was out of concern.

It is not.

Jesus wept.

The DD could be the size of a house, have 2 heads, size 22 feet and stink of BO…..

At NO point is it ok for some poorly mannered woman to comment on that and pretend it’s kindness or cultural. It’s rude and unacceptable.

Stop gaslighting this by suggesting the OP is being dramatic.

It's a shame people cannot say anything anymore.
All the reasons to avoid them and be happy. 😊

How could you possibly know that?

It's called puberty.

It is absolutely not.

Step son needs to have a conversation with girlfriend, explain that it’s very rude to make comments like that in British culture and that her comments have caused upset and offence. If he doesn’t, he’s really not doing her any favours and she will have a terrible time here socially and in the workplace.

You need to tell stepson how upset your daughter is and how she doesn’t want to come for Christmas and have his assurance that he will talk to the girlfriend about this. If he does not, you will take her aside as soon as she arrives at Christmas and tell her yourself and you will not do it as sensitively or kindly as he will, so the choice is his.

I think the main issue here is focussing on why your daughter is overweight and dealing with that. Rather than being overly dramatic and changing your Christmas plans!

Thank god someone else is saying it! I am agog at the posters saying the DD should just suck it up. If she was an adult, we'd be telling her to go LC or NC with someone so tactless.

Give over. It sounds like they are practically strangers to each other. Concern my arse. Again, telling fat people they are fat is neither a kindness nor the magic fix some seem to insist it is.