So upset with inlaws and DH

Eesh. She sounds lovely.

If it's any consolation, I think anyone reading that is going to think your MIL is a nightmare and believe nothing at all of her comments.

In some ways, how fortunate that she did that, so now you know the truth about her. Just remember this all reflects badly on her and shows her to be of poor character: for being two-faced, for the comments she made, and for how she can’t even apologise or care about the upset she’s caused.

Don’t let her brush it all under the carpet, because you now know she has no respect for you and I’ve no doubt if she came again she would do the same! Let your husband deal with his parents but not with you and not in your home.

Where’s your self respect. No one should react like this when someone treats them so poorly.

OP, is there something we don’t know here - like, someone your MIL knows who had to look after a spouse whose illness was exacerbated by being overweight? I’m not defending your MIL, but I would say that we have all made less than kind comments about others that we would prefer them not to hear. Some people (I’m looking at you, DSis) have a real “thing” about people being overweight - my DSis once said that I could never come back and live in Surrey (where we grew up) because all the Surrey mummies are very slim!! Your MIL’s comments were not meant for you, and clearly, she wouldn’t have made such a comment to your face. I’m sure you did all get on well, and will continue to do so if you can forget about this. So she thinks you’re too fat - well, I can tell you that I’m too fat, but I wouldn’t choose to have it pointed out. I would ask her why she thinks you’re a burden, and point out that you and DH are very much a team and that you did all the preparation for their visit - but I wouldn’t fall out with them over this, especially if your DH is close to his parents.

I question your EQ, and also, like attracts like, so people who excuse these types of personalities are more often than not cut from the same ilk as them. Simply because you have put the burden squarely onto the OP to "managing her own reaction" which subsequently allows these toxic fucks to continue flourishing in the first instance.

Were you taught about right and wrong as a child?

No, it just makes you untrustworthy.

Surely your post is a joke! How on earth can you try and not only absolve OP's spiteful and bitchy MIL from all blame, but also to re-frame it as a good deed and her MIL doing OP a favour.

She isn't concerned for OP. She is concerned for her son as she thinks that OP is a 'burden', even though she clearly isn't.

Make it clear to him whether he and his mum fall out should not be up to him or you, it is up to her.

I would make it clear that you will not be visiting them and they are not welcome in you house until she tells you exactly what she meant by you being a burden on her son and makes genuine amends. She also needs to accept if you need space over the rest of Christmas.

Your dh’s job is to make this happen and not allow it to fester.

Ignore this OP 😱

This. In addition, she also had the luxury of being a coward. If she was still in your house, the justifiable confrontation from you/DH would have rattled her and she would have had nowhere to run. But she managed to wrangle out of discussing it further as it is easier by phone to avoid it.

You sound like a lovely person OP, and a sensitive one. And on that point, there is no such thing as oversensitive. Sensitive people should surround themselves with their "tribe" and they are people who embrace an nurture your sensitivity. Your MIL is not a person in your wider world who fits in that tribe.

I think you should message her privately and say you're disappointed that she didn't care to comment on anything positive about the weekend, just your weight. Also that you now know what kind of person she is.

Tell your dh to get on side or back to his mummy's house.

I think my relationship with the MIL would be over and she would no longer be welcome in my home. She is clearly talking about you often for that sort of comment to roll off her tongue.

Hang on though, this wasn’t just a bit tactless or a foot-in-mouth moment. It was a deliberate, planned attack as soon as they left the house (which as others havd said, means she was dying to say it all weekend whilst the Op was bending over backwards). Plus no apology.

If you want to accept this kind of treatment that’s up to you but the OP doesn’t have to. I’ve never had my mother or in-laws do anything similar, so I don’t think it’s normal at all.

OP's weight is none of her business and certainly none of her dog walker's business. That was just a spiteful and judgemental comment from a spiteful and judgemental woman. If she had been totally mortified and apologetic, she might be given the benefit of the doubt but she couldn't give a fuck that she's upset OP so that would be relationship ending for most normal people.

I would also respond to the message in the group chat. If your husband isn’t going to tackle her.

“Denise, I spent three days hosting you out of love and respect for you, with pleasure, because you are my family. Reading this message and knowing how you really feel about me is extremely upsetting. The first thing you wanted to tell your friend wasn’t that you had enjoyed your stay and our company - it was that I’m fat and a burden on your son. I don’t appreciate being spoken about behind my back in this way. It’s rude.”

Honestly, if I had falling out with either my own parents, or my in-laws, for every completely tactless or stupid comment they say I would have no relatives.

That slightly older generation was brought up criticising one others weight and features. But it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. It just means that she’s a little bit of a moaner with a sharp tongue.

You can choose to turn this into something massive, or accept it for the stupid-albeit quite nasty – mistake it potentially really is.

It’s definitely not a reason to blow up the relationship with them, or with your DH. Your MIL will be feeling very stupid at the moment, which is why she’s gone on the defensive. You barely see them anyway.

I wonder where FIL stands in all of this . Did Mil keep the subsequent conversation with Dh short as FIL was in the same room as her and she didn’t want him to know what she had said.
I would go NC with her but that’s going to affect him too so I would send him a brief note explaining why you aren’t going to be in contact with them so much

Oh and if she was genuinely concerned for you she would have talked to you while she was there. Asked if you were ok and how you were feeling. Some folk - particularly older ones - think it’s acceptable to judge women on their size. Even as my elderly DM lies bed ridden with osteoporosis she still manages little digs about my weight and DF likes to point out women he deems to be too fat when I take him for hospital appointments. It says everything about them and nothing about me or you.

Do you know the MIL? You’re making a massive assumption based on one text message about the OPs weight gain - which she acknowledges is true.

you are not wrong to feel as you do, other people’s opinion of us are none of our business they say, but hearing what someone thinks is awful. I’m sorry to had to read her message. Being rubbish at technology is no excuse to be horrible about someone - made even worse by the fact you’d gone out of your way to be a good host and it is your MIL!

I would be making it very clear to your DH that you are upset, and he needs to tell his Mum that what she said wasn’t acceptable.
He needs to have your back on this, and his Mum needs to see this. Didn’t matter if he thinks it’s ‘just how she is’, or ‘it was a mistake for you to see it’ - you have seen it and it needs addressing. The burden part would get to me the most! . So rude, and from what you’ve said, utterly untrue.

I would also send a message on the group chat. I wouldn’t let it pass by without acknowledging it.

It’s a horrible thing to say for so many reasons. Your DH should have jumped in and demanded an apology on your behalf. Leaving the group shows your MIL ( if she is au fait enough to understand you have left) that you are deeply hurt by this and it won’t be brushed under the carpet. If your DH seriously thinks that’s acceptable after you hosted them for a number of days, or doesn’t want to rock the boat then that is also worrying.

I am so sorry for you OP, most people would be deeply wounded by the treachery and two faced nature of her comments, and it suggests the dog-sitter has already been talked to on this subject before. What a horrible woman.

One comment to a friend rather than directly to the Op does not make someone a bully FFS!

The thing is, you have no idea what anyone says about you when they’re speaking to someone else. No one does. So things might be said about someone that you wouldn’t say to that person’s face. You do t know what your MIL says to your FIL, what your DH says to his DM, what your DM says about you to others. If you think about it, there’s a strong chance that you’ve said something about someone you know that you might not say to their face.
You’ve said yourself you’ve put weight on and that you’ve had a lot on this year. Maybe that was the reference to being a ‘burden’? Maybe your DH has been worried about you this year?
So in that respect she’s not being untruthful. She’s been perfectly nice to you, so she’s not being unkind directly to you.

That’s hurtful to read and no you not being sensitive - I’d have felt the same.

Your DH was also indirectly insulted as it infers he is not capable of seeing things accurately and is somehow a victim by having you as a burden - rubbish I assume you are happy together as you’ve not said otherwise

Yes he does need to handle this better she sounds like a bully

You can't stop her thinking things and talking about you. It isn't nice but there's nothing you can do. Focus on yourself and be healthy. I wouldn't have them over again. I had a mil who kept encouraging me to lose weight, I was a size 10. I got down to an 8 and she was still encouraging me to lose more?! I just did it for my wedding day then went back to a 10. She seemed disappointed! I just ignored her and did what I wanted to do. People can be strange. I know your feeling hurt right now, try to forget about it and move on. Getting your husband to argue won't help at, and she won't change.