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Original poster

Pub walk out over drink offer timing out

32 replies

MisterT373 · 16/12/2025 00:58

I have a friend who lives abroad who comes to the UK 3-4 times a year. Her family live 60 miles from London & I collect her at the airport & she stays with me for a few days before heading to her family. Out of maybe a dozen trips she has contributed perhaps twice to the cost of petrol (about £20 a trip) but after i drop her off she messages me to remind her to give me petrol money. When we are either in the UK or at hers I probably pay for 70% of anything we do.

While driving to her family today we stopped at a pub & ordered drinks which she refused to pay leaving me to pay. After she finished her drink she asked if i wanted a second drink & I said i couldnt have an alcoholic one as i was driving. She got her drink and when i finished my first said I'd have a soft drink to which she replied that it was too late as I hadnt asked when she offered. I sat for a couple of minutes & then told her we were leaving. She asked if she could finish her drink & I said no as I didnt have one. I went to the car & she obviously finished her drink as she didnt come out for 5 minutes. I told her i was going to drop her at a station where she could get a train, there then followed an hour car journey where in the end I drove her all the way to her family.

For some background we have been at dinner a couple of times when she has stopped me from ordering something as she was paying. I was in a relationship with someone who was controlling as to what i could eat.

As for the money side I am a pensioner & in this day & age £20 is always useful. Its not just the petrol money but I always feel like I'm getting the bad end of the deal.

Was I unreasonable for my behaviour in the pub?

OP posts:
QuirkyMoose · 16/12/2025 01:45

She's cheap and selfish.
Maybe at one time your relationship was more equitable but it is not now. It's okay to do a lot for someone if you get enjoyment out of helping them.
Pick him up from the airport and driving them to their family, you're a wonderful friend.
But she doesn't seem very grateful and she doesn't seem like she's being a very good friend to you.
Perhaps this relationship has run its course. I don't think you did anything wrong.

BadLad · 16/12/2025 01:16

She sounds very tightfisted but that scene in the pub and the car afterwards makes both of you sound very strange indeed.

I mean,

She got her drink and when i finished my first said I'd have a soft drink to which she replied that it was too late as I hadnt asked when she offered.

How on earth have you become friends with someone to the point that you're picking them up at the airport and having them stay with you for a few days, several times a year, when your conversations reach this level of pettiness?

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/12/2025 01:14

She's not your friend. She may have been in the past, but she isn't now.

I'd be cutting her out of my life. Consequences. She can make her own way to her family from now on.

Hankunamatata · 16/12/2025 01:11

So she does oay you petrol money?

When she refused to pay for first drinks what did you say?

And when she asked if you wanted a drink why on earth did you wait for what to get a drink then tell her to buy you a soft drink?

Yes you were petty deciding you were going when she just got a drink.

MarymaryquiteC · 16/12/2025 01:06

MisterT373 · 16/12/2025 00:58

I have a friend who lives abroad who comes to the UK 3-4 times a year. Her family live 60 miles from London & I collect her at the airport & she stays with me for a few days before heading to her family. Out of maybe a dozen trips she has contributed perhaps twice to the cost of petrol (about £20 a trip) but after i drop her off she messages me to remind her to give me petrol money. When we are either in the UK or at hers I probably pay for 70% of anything we do.

While driving to her family today we stopped at a pub & ordered drinks which she refused to pay leaving me to pay. After she finished her drink she asked if i wanted a second drink & I said i couldnt have an alcoholic one as i was driving. She got her drink and when i finished my first said I'd have a soft drink to which she replied that it was too late as I hadnt asked when she offered. I sat for a couple of minutes & then told her we were leaving. She asked if she could finish her drink & I said no as I didnt have one. I went to the car & she obviously finished her drink as she didnt come out for 5 minutes. I told her i was going to drop her at a station where she could get a train, there then followed an hour car journey where in the end I drove her all the way to her family.

For some background we have been at dinner a couple of times when she has stopped me from ordering something as she was paying. I was in a relationship with someone who was controlling as to what i could eat.

As for the money side I am a pensioner & in this day & age £20 is always useful. Its not just the petrol money but I always feel like I'm getting the bad end of the deal.

Was I unreasonable for my behaviour in the pub?

You drive her 60 miles to her family and then drive home?

She sounds like a miserable bitch. You were absolutely not unreasonable. If you value the friendship write her a letter and tell her why what happened, happened.

Original poster
MisterT373 · 16/12/2025 01:04

parietal · 16/12/2025 01:00

You don’t seem unreasonable to feel she is being stingy. But how did the conversation go the rest of the time? Or did you both sit in silence for the drive after the pub?

The hour journey was in silence.

OP posts:
parietal · 16/12/2025 01:00

You don’t seem unreasonable to feel she is being stingy. But how did the conversation go the rest of the time? Or did you both sit in silence for the drive after the pub?