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Original poster

Dreading team build day but don’t think I can not attend

161 replies

Oldtown2 · 15/12/2025 21:36

I work in a fairly small team, there’s only 7 of us.

On Thursday, it’s long been planned that there’s a team build day during working hours followed by our Christmas social.

The team build is offsite, some planning etc first thing and then a couple of activities. One of these activities is a sort of outdoor sauna thing (I think there’s ice baths etc too).

I am absolutely dreading this because I don’t want my colleagues to see me in my swimwear. I have had two children in quick succession and am still much bigger than I was before (I got as big as size 18 and am trying to get back towards my normal 12 but it’s a long process).

The problem is that this is during work hours so not really optional. All my colleagues today were going on about how excited they are for it and I was sat there trying to keep a smile on my face.

AIBU to refuse to do this, or fake a headache on the afternoon? I know I’m probably over thinking things but I can’t describe how anxious I feel.

OP posts:
Handbagcuriosity · 17/12/2025 07:27

When I saw your title OP I thought your thread was going to be about not wanting to join the team building day as activities aren’t your thing. But reading the activity that is planned I don’t blame you for not wanting to go. It’s not appropriate.

Can you have a quiet word with your manager? As pp’s have said you could telll a few white lies, eg you feel claustrophobic (I do in hot temperatures) and really emphasise that you are happy to join other activities but this would give you lots of anxiety and you don’t feel comfortable?

Depending on what they say then maybe you could raise it with their manager or HR. Appreciate you said it’s been done elsewhere in the company but it doesn’t mean the HR team would be on board (they probably don’t know anything about it)

RubyFlax · 17/12/2025 07:14

It always baffles me why so many people come up with excuses or reasons (lies) as to why they can’t do something. It is absolutely fine to say you don’t want to do something !!! You don’t have to be difficult about it, just be polite and clear.
“I’don’t feel comfortable taking part in that bit, but I’ll happily join in with the rest of the day”

end of.

Who’s going to challenge it?
Life gets a whole lot simpler when you’re assertive and can say no to things you don’t want to do, and realise you don’t owe people an explanation either.

PaperBlueCornflower · 17/12/2025 06:41

Oldtown2 · 15/12/2025 21:36

I work in a fairly small team, there’s only 7 of us.

On Thursday, it’s long been planned that there’s a team build day during working hours followed by our Christmas social.

The team build is offsite, some planning etc first thing and then a couple of activities. One of these activities is a sort of outdoor sauna thing (I think there’s ice baths etc too).

I am absolutely dreading this because I don’t want my colleagues to see me in my swimwear. I have had two children in quick succession and am still much bigger than I was before (I got as big as size 18 and am trying to get back towards my normal 12 but it’s a long process).

The problem is that this is during work hours so not really optional. All my colleagues today were going on about how excited they are for it and I was sat there trying to keep a smile on my face.

AIBU to refuse to do this, or fake a headache on the afternoon? I know I’m probably over thinking things but I can’t describe how anxious I feel.

I have a really painful ear infection and couldn't do anything involving swimming or ice baths. There are all sorts of medical that could prevent those activities and so many things going round and you definitely can't risk catching flu before Christmas and passing it on to your vulnerable relatives...

Peridoteage · 17/12/2025 06:38

This is bizarre. Our HR would absolutely annihilate a line manager who planned a team building day involving saunas/anything in swimwear!

FancyFireplaces · 17/12/2025 06:35

I hate saunas. They’re far too hot. It’s absolutely fine to say you don’t enjoy them.

Carlathomasillneverstoplovingyou · 17/12/2025 06:32

Who on earth thinks up these things.

Conniebygaslight · 17/12/2025 06:30

Oldtown2 · 15/12/2025 22:05

It has been done elsewhere in the company earlier this year - that’s where my manager got the idea, so it’s not an issue from that perspective unfortunately

But it’s an issue with you OP. Understandably. Don’t go. They can’t force you to.

sittingonabeach · 17/12/2025 06:24

You could use a health reason for doing it, I faint in saunas so wouldn’t be for me. Have never done an ice bath but my blood pressure could also be a problem with them too. But you should just be able to say no to this.

Muffinmam · 17/12/2025 06:08

Oldtown2 · 15/12/2025 21:36

I work in a fairly small team, there’s only 7 of us.

On Thursday, it’s long been planned that there’s a team build day during working hours followed by our Christmas social.

The team build is offsite, some planning etc first thing and then a couple of activities. One of these activities is a sort of outdoor sauna thing (I think there’s ice baths etc too).

I am absolutely dreading this because I don’t want my colleagues to see me in my swimwear. I have had two children in quick succession and am still much bigger than I was before (I got as big as size 18 and am trying to get back towards my normal 12 but it’s a long process).

The problem is that this is during work hours so not really optional. All my colleagues today were going on about how excited they are for it and I was sat there trying to keep a smile on my face.

AIBU to refuse to do this, or fake a headache on the afternoon? I know I’m probably over thinking things but I can’t describe how anxious I feel.

Call in sick for the entire day.

Gastro would work.

I absolutely hate team building activities.

Work Christmas events should be dinner and drinks. That’s it.

Hmm1234 · 17/12/2025 05:53

Sauna as a work social? Sounds creepy

monjmaintainer · 17/12/2025 05:29

I agree with everyone else - go to the day but when it comes to the outdoor sauna part just say unfortunately I am not able to use saunas due to a (unspecified) health condition. If it’s a place where you can only access the area not in outdoor clothes then take a comfortable set of shorts/tshirt or even trackies, flip flops and a robe and chat to them from the side. I’m imagining a set up with loungers etc too. If it’s just one of those outdoor sauna’s and plunge pools that have become popular to set up in pretty coastal or country locations then don’t bother.

Alternatively, being a teacher on year 6 trips has meant me needing to wear swim wear around colleagues and pupils many times - I always wear minimum of board shorts and a rash vest or even go in in gym leggings that don’t get heavy when wet - but in your scenario I wouldn’t want to get in the sauna at all.

if it’s only part of the day’s activities just don’t take swimwear and don’t make a big deal of it just “shame I can’t join in with this, see you after” and let them get on with it.

Power26 · 17/12/2025 04:34

To be honest I think colleagues are the one group of people where it’s ok for you to not have a perfect figure around them. I think most women purposely dress in a manner at work that is plain and modest, and tbh if I was going to a sauna with colleagues I would wear more coverage than I would if I was going to a sauna with husband or friends. Obviously I’m not saying you need to get your kit off, if you’re totally uncomfortable then just say so and don’t do the activity. But I do feel, you can probably get away with wearing a full length robe and a tee/vest and shorts underneath so you’re never exposed nor in a bikini.

Justbobbins · 17/12/2025 04:23

Apart from the body exposure, who goes to these places during flu season? Nah...I'd be sitting this one out!

whimbrelcalling · 16/12/2025 23:58

I have a very jaundiced view of team building days after a memorable one in the early 90s which came to actual blows, but a sauna scenario is unbelievably inappropriate. I’d refuse to participate. And say how inappropriate i thought it was.

fib88 · 16/12/2025 23:35

Just say you “think “” you’ve got the flu coming and opt out - terrible shame but he ho….why stress yourself out

EndlessTreadmill · 16/12/2025 23:20

Go, but don't do that bit. You could have your period, which would be grim in a sauna and ice bath. Say you are volunteering to take photos in the iced baths etc.

NemesisInferior · 16/12/2025 23:13

This is such a shit idea for a teambuilding.

Just refuse. Just say "sorry, I don't feel comfortable in swimwear in front of my collegues" and sit it out. Nobody should feel presurised into doing something they don't want to do, and I bet at least 1 other person thinks exactly the same. Don't make excuses and certainly don't mess around spending money on coverups.

Once you learn to just say no to shit you don't want to do and stop giving a shit about what others think, life becomes far easier.

LackOfSleepCBA · 16/12/2025 23:04

I've had a similar situation in the past with work. I got round it by buying swimming leggings that ended at my knees and a swimming top that covered my belly and had elbow length sleeves. I felt very covered up and not vulnerable at all. I was a size 22 at that point. I think it was simply be or yours clothing I got them from.

lifeonmars100 · 16/12/2025 22:31

Who on earth thought that this was in way appropriate? I would refuse and I am sure there are others in your team are equally uncomfortable with the idea.

fivefoottwowitheyesofblue · 16/12/2025 21:41

We had something similar planned recently. When I found out, I made it known to a member of the exec team that it wasn't very inclusive, and went against the company values. It was cancelled , well changed, very soon afterwards.

I would try mentioning something similar.

Daygloboo · 16/12/2025 20:59

Oldtown2 · 15/12/2025 21:36

I work in a fairly small team, there’s only 7 of us.

On Thursday, it’s long been planned that there’s a team build day during working hours followed by our Christmas social.

The team build is offsite, some planning etc first thing and then a couple of activities. One of these activities is a sort of outdoor sauna thing (I think there’s ice baths etc too).

I am absolutely dreading this because I don’t want my colleagues to see me in my swimwear. I have had two children in quick succession and am still much bigger than I was before (I got as big as size 18 and am trying to get back towards my normal 12 but it’s a long process).

The problem is that this is during work hours so not really optional. All my colleagues today were going on about how excited they are for it and I was sat there trying to keep a smile on my face.

AIBU to refuse to do this, or fake a headache on the afternoon? I know I’m probably over thinking things but I can’t describe how anxious I feel.

I think it's massively inappropriate to expect colleagues to strip off in front of each other. Who in god's name came up with that bollocks.

Anonimiss · 16/12/2025 20:59

AtlasPine · 16/12/2025 08:19

You shouldn’t feel forced to make up a health reason. You can simply say that you won’t be doing the activities organised because you prefer to remain dressed when with work colleagues.

Agree, there’s no way in hell I’d be doing this with colleagues. I actually have a health condition which means I couldn’t do it but that’s irrelevant- I’d tell them I’m not comfortable being in swimwear with them. End of.

Geranium879 · 16/12/2025 20:35

Christ I’d hate this. Whose idea was this ?! I’d definitely make an excuse. Be unwell.

Evaka · 16/12/2025 20:33

ShesTheAlbatross · 15/12/2025 21:43

Jesus who planned a sauna with colleagues??

Can you just get out of that part? “Oh no I’ve forgotten my swimming costume, I’ll just sit in the cafe with the book I appear to have brought with me instead”

Right? How horribly uncomfortable

Sooty20235 · 16/12/2025 20:32

if that was suggested at my work I’d laugh and say they can find me after with a book in a nice cafe 😂 I hate saunas. Tried one a couple of times and was bored and don’t understand why anyone wants to sit there sweating with nothing to do. I’m a size 8 and beyond finding the activity completely unattractive I wouldn’t love wearing swim wear either. I also wouldn’t feel at all guilty about saying no thanks, that’s not for me, it’s surely a bit of a niche activity?

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