Dreading team build day but don’t think I can not attend

Bumping for an update please @Oldtown2

Please can we have an update OP or are you otherwise engaged flaunting your semi naked body with your colleagues?

Nah, fuck that.

Just say no.

I certainly wouldn't do it.

This is all that needs to be said.

or just say you are not doing it?

Here is a strategy that I have used to get out of boozy Christmas parties at work…

Be positive , enthuse over the event, you are buying a new outfit for the occasion, you are arranging your life around it. etc, etc. Make sure plenty of people get positive feels from you regarding the event. Absolutely nothing questioning any aspect of the event.

Then you are absolutely gutted when, at the last moment something comes up that prevents you from attending… childcare fell through, boiler broke, grannie in hospital etc.

I’d go but just say I’m not doing that. I’m old and grumpy though so I don’t care what anyone thinks

That is such a weird Team day.

I would call in sick but I’d say sick bug rather than a headache.

Gosh this is ridiculous. I don't mind my body but I would feel uncomfortable doing this sort of thing with colleagues it's not appropriate and they should know a huge number of people wouldn't want to do it. I'm so surprised management have signed it off. I think just say you're not comfortable, you'll probably find there are others not wanting to be the first to speak out but who feel the same. If the aim is to provide a chance for staff to relax say you'll get a cuppa and read your book or have a sound bath or something instead.

You forgot the part about that being your opinion? How can you categorically say I gave bad advice? Pushing your own boundaries can be a real positive in life. Giving into your fears and self consciousness isn’t always good for people.

But you’re entitled to your view - as am I.

I'm absolutely not even that fussed about my body (not saying I'm happy with it - but don't care what anyone else thinks) and I wouldn't be doing this on a work event.

I'd just turn up without my swim stuff and say you're not comfortable with doing this activity. If there's any grumbling remind them firstly, it's your body and they don't own that even during work hours. And secondly, this is a team building event - somewhere where enforcing personal boundaries in a professional environment should be absolutely acceptable.

Same, I hate being hot. Plus sitting with people with sweat rolling off them turns my stomach

Agree with this apart from saying sorry not doing it, just saying not doing it is sufficient. They should be bloody apologising for coming up with such an inappropriate activity for a business environment

YANBU. I wouldn’t go as I hate this sort of thing!

There is no way I’d be doing that

This! Even if I go on a Spa day I don’t do the whole Sauna and cold shower bit as it brings on a headache. I’d go along and do the other stuff but sit that bit out. A sauna with work colleagues does sound a bit cringy if I’m honest 🤣

Say no, this is an outrageous intrusion into your personal space. I doubt you are alone in feeling this is not something you wish to attend.

There’s absolutely zero chance I’d be half naked in front of colleagues on work arranged thing. If I was close to colleagues and we decided to go to the gym together that’s different - and I’m as body confident as you can be.

I'm sorry, but this is dreadful advice.

Nobody should feel pressurised into doing something they are not comfortable with.

Or her boss might just be a big old creep. It is fine to say no, its not about being insecure it is about appropriate behaviour in work and this is no way appropriate.

I would try to push past your insecurities, this could be good for your confidence! Most mums would feel the exact same way as you, but you really ought not, I bet you’re beautiful the way you are.

As another poster said, take a towel or robe. You can always sit there for 2 mins, say you’re too hot and get out and cover up.

You may have a really great time!

How ironic that a team building activity has already made one of the team feel completely anxious…

I know what people are saying about not lying and ‘be an adult’ - I’m all about being honest and authentic, but the power dynamic especially in a small team, might not be conducive to it. If op says she’s not taking part, however bright and breezily, that could result in real life consequences. I know it would in our small team where anything less than total commitment and positivity toward dumb ideas is considered ‘poor attitude’.

Op - I would break my golden rule of never being dishonest and would ring in sick. By the time you all go back in the new year it’ll be forgotten.

It's totally fine for you to skip the sauna part.

Any expectation or requirement to be with colleagues wearing less than you are happy with would be discriminatory and abusive. You aren't in a job where stripping off in front of colleagues is an intrinsic part of the work, so you have the absolute right to maintain your dignity and keep your clothes on.

That said, nobody who matters actually cares about your body shape. Anyone who is actually nice isn't looking or judging, and anyone who is judgemental will be just as judgemental whatever happens because they are a fundamentally unpleasant person and you skipping the sauna part won't stop them from being so. So if you'd actually enjoy it if you were on your own, comsider doing it and not giving a toss what others think of your body. Your body bears honourable consequences of motherhood and caring including decades where you haven't had the time to focus on looking after it in the way a carefree and selfish younger woman can. No post-child woman looks as lithe and nubile as she did pre-children and it is one of our evolutionary survival mechanisms that as older women we do accrue the fat reserves quite easily - this being so that the matriarch can survive a long winter with scarce food so that her wisdom can keep the family thriving. Don't be ashamed of this. You do not owe your colleagues or anyone else comfority to sexist ideas that a woman is only worth anything if she looks like a 20yo.

I’ve had spa days with colleagues in the past that have involved being in swimsuits for parts of the day. Most of us didn’t mind the swimsuits but there were a few who didn’t take part. Personally I would struggle with the sauna aspect because I find hot air aggravates my asthma so I’d have to sit out of that activity. Could you use that as an excuse?