To wish DH was more amenable to people just dropping by or staying over?

I think now and again, I'd expect him to suck it up and put on a welcoming smile, even if he's not feeling it! I have an old friend who lives hours away and has turned up on my doorstep once or twice to surprise me. I'm always thrilled to see her, she's my oldest friend, my kids love her. I'd be very unimpressed if my DH didn't make her welcome, as I would do for his friends. If it was every week, then I think it's unfair but every now and again, I think it's fair to expect him to be flexible.

People will say you are being unreasonable because MN HATES when people drop by like this, but I quite like it.

Yes, exactly this. Our weekends are usually tag-teaming to get chores done, do nice things and take the children out places. Very rarely do we have a spare couple of hours where we're just milling round the house. Even telling us before mid-morning would be fine but by lunch we've got our day mapped out. The other thing is we often have other visitors. My husbands' extended family are dropper inners and there have been a few awkward moments where it's just been really bad timing but they've not really taken the (extremely blunt) hint.

For me, it depends entirely who the guest is. My brother & his family, or any of DH’s family - yep, drop in as you wish. Kids having sleepovers at short notice is also fine.

My sisters or, in fact, the rest of my family (parents both dead), no. I need notice to scrub every inch of the house with a toothbrush first.

I grew up with family and my parent’s friends dropping round without warning, anytime. If we were eating, they’d pull up a chair and grab a plate - it was always like this and I found it entirely normal. My DH finds it absolutely bizarre and rude where I find it endearing and comforting.
I love an impromptu get together - the best times are always the unplanned ones!
Tell your DH he needs to lighten up and get over it - life is for living and one day all those people who you love won’t be around, and you’ll reminisce fondly of “that time they popped by”

This, but I think we are in the minority on MN 🤣 I’ve always had an open house, kids straggle in with friends after school, randoms at Christmas, people who missed the last train after a night out on the couch… in our younger days after parties were always at mine.

I can’t work out if the op is allowed to welcome someone in who’s dropped around or invite people back casually once a month or if her dh says absolutely not and grumps out for days after she’s tentatively suggested it. If the first, say it’s my house too and carry on. If the second and he made your dad with stage 4 cancer unwelcome get rid of him.

But surely the point of this post is having people turn up unannounced, rather than not wanting people visiting at all. So not sure your point is relevant to this…

I hate it too so I’m with your DH. I think it’s rude not to tell someone you’ll be turning up. I need to make sure my house is prepared.

I am older than the baths and bedtime phase of life. My job is full home based and flexible round life. Husband's is about 70% home based. We are also both on leave since middle of last week, barring the fact that both of us are senior enough that some calls are inescapable. I only wear pyjamas at bed time and I don't care if my house is a bit untidy. Take us as you find us, make yourself at home.
That is how, in my case at least.

People are labelling eachother though and using tropes like Northern, working class, fun/spontaneous versus rigid etc.

It's just a difference in living styles , it's really not that deep.

How do people have the time to have others just drop in daytime work, school. Evening tea, baths, bedtime. Weekends usually have things planned. If someone let's me know in advance I will make time for them but if they just turn up I will most likely be busy. Like if someone turned up now im in pyjamas, towel on my head kids just gone to bed i have a sink of dishes from tea and I'm wrapping presents so stuff spread all around the living room.

I know the difference in meaning, that’s why I used the word. I haven’t used it to label any specific person, however.

@APatternGrammar The main problem with discussions of this topic on MN is the number of misanthropes on here who believe they are only introverts.
There is a huge difference in the meaning between both those terms - to label someone a misanthrope might come back at you.

Last week, husband had a friend pop in unexpectedly while he was in the area. We ended up all going over to visit my elderly mum. Husband and his friend spent two hours working in her garden, then the friend sat and chatted to my mum for an hour while husband and I had to take a couple of work calls. After we got home, we offered the friend dinner as a thank you for the afternoon and he ended up staying the night.

Zero pressure all round, friends helping each other out. No standing on ceremony, nothing fancy.

Every couple of months is completely reasonable.
He needs to suck it up or make himself scarce.
Men like that can keep the lives of women very small if indulged.

My friend is married to one such man.
She told him it was a deal breaker years ago.
She visits her family on her own, or stays with friends every two months for a full weekend and goes out regularly on her own with friends.

He is a home bird and an introvert.
They are happily married because he accepted she needed to socialise regularly.

The OP said that the onus to provide food is one of her husband’s issues, so it seems reasonable to suggest a solution to a problem she’s named.

The main problem with discussions of this topic on MN is the number of misanthropes on here who believe they are only introverts.

team DH. The only person I’m ok turning up is FIL, he has dementia and he only ever stays for a brew anyway. Sometimes inconvenient but he didn’t judge mess and isn’t a bother. He’s currently able to take busses a visit people but I expect it won’t be for that long.

My home is my castle (drawbridge and all) and fortunately DH agrees with me. I totally get how you feel and I'm not sure what a compromise would look like.

I’m 100% team DH here. No one drops in on me, ever.

I'm.with you. People are always welcome and you take us as you find us. I don't care if the house isn't immaculate - as a host or as a visitor. I just love to see people. I'm northern.
I don't understand people who think it's rude to have someone call round unannounced - it shows that they care about you! If I'm busy, I'll say so, but I'd never want my friends and family to feel that they couldn't ring the doorbell unless by prior arrangement.