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AIBU?

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Original poster

Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

214 replies

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:11

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

OP posts:
Sunshineo · 15/12/2025 19:11

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:45

We have. She only stayed on Saturday and back to her own house on Sunday.

Show quote history

She’s using your home as a shag pad. She’s not broken hearted.

Do you think that she’s orchestrating break ups so that she can go out and have some fun?

ThejoyofNC · 15/12/2025 19:11

Why the hell didn't you kick her out immediately? I'd have called her far worse. Tell her she's fucked it now because you're not letting her stay ever again and you're done listening to her crap about her so called relationship.

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 15/12/2025 19:10

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 19:01

And I hope you didn’t say “fucking slapper” anywhere your kids could hear it.

Christ stop clutching your pearls FFS.

AwfullyGood · 15/12/2025 19:09

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:44

After she pretty much laughed in my face I called her a fucking slapper. I’m not proud of it.

I wouldn't apologise to my SIL if she called me a "fucking slapper".

I would apologise to my brother for having sex in his house, with a near stranger, especially when there are small kids in the house and even tell him I understand why SUL was so upset.

No one gets to call me that and I wouldn't speak to you again.

I'm not the SIL, nor would I do what she did but you escalated it to the point of no return imo.

Overthebow · 15/12/2025 19:08

I widow have kicked them out when she brought them home. There’s no way I’d tolerate a random person in my house with my DCs there.

outerspacepotato · 15/12/2025 19:08

Your husband needs to have a talk with her.

She can't be bringing home strange randos into your home where your kids are. I don't care where she knows him from, you don't know him and strangers aren't welcome to stay overnight in your home. This is a big safety issue.

I think you need to stop the overnights completely. You're enabling her to decompress when she wants, then she goes back or worse, brings randos in at night for sex.

Betty1625 · 15/12/2025 19:07

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 19:01

And the misogynists are out.

Having sex with anyone; husband, boyfriend, hook up, stranger… doesn’t matter. Doesn’t make anyone a slapper or a slut or any other disgusting name used to put women down just for being sexual.

The way she did it, at someone else’s home with children there is what is wrong. The disrespect to OP’s home and family. That’s the problem. Not the actual act of having sec with a man, and she is not a slapper. Disgusting comment.

OP, she was entirely out of line. Entirely. And you are completely right to be enraged at her behaviour, but you didn’t need to turn into a misogynist to make your point. It’s disappointing.

Show quote history

It's a slappery behaviour, completely justified statement. Let's not hide behind feminism.
I wouldn't like this behaviour from male or female guest

jeaux90 · 15/12/2025 19:05

The issue is she crossed a very clear boundary that anyone with a modicum of integrity would understand. I would have handed her her arse.

Betty1625 · 15/12/2025 19:04

Betty1625 · 15/12/2025 19:02

If you called her a slut - I would stand by your words. Her behaviour is disgusting and she has no respect for your home

Just saw the update - slapper is accurate and mild in the circumstances

Betty1625 · 15/12/2025 19:02

If you called her a slut - I would stand by your words. Her behaviour is disgusting and she has no respect for your home

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 19:01

And I hope you didn’t say “fucking slapper” anywhere your kids could hear it.

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 19:01

Winterwonderwhy · 15/12/2025 18:46

You were not wrong though.

Show quote history

And the misogynists are out.

Having sex with anyone; husband, boyfriend, hook up, stranger… doesn’t matter. Doesn’t make anyone a slapper or a slut or any other disgusting name used to put women down just for being sexual.

The way she did it, at someone else’s home with children there is what is wrong. The disrespect to OP’s home and family. That’s the problem. Not the actual act of having sec with a man, and she is not a slapper. Disgusting comment.

OP, she was entirely out of line. Entirely. And you are completely right to be enraged at her behaviour, but you didn’t need to turn into a misogynist to make your point. It’s disappointing.

Vitriolinsanity · 15/12/2025 19:00

Ive actually battered on the bedroom door in this circumstance, and ordered them out. It is a level of disrespect I will not tolerate. I say this as a generally very easy going person.

Mochudubh · 15/12/2025 18:47

YANBU, I'd be livid too but your DH needs to step up, If your kids ask why Auntie Sharon was making such funny noises I'd be leaving him to come up with an explanation.

You say her "relationship" is on/off, so do they live together? If not and she has her own place why is she ending up at yours all the time, is it just for the "handhold".

What would happen if her "partner" found out about her cheating? Would he bin her off for good which might be for the best or might it be dangerous for her?

If they split up is there a chance of her ending up with you full time?

All things worth thinking about.

Icantsaythis · 15/12/2025 18:47

SwanRivers · 15/12/2025 18:24

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

Of course you're not and you know it.

Now to the real problem which is the wet wipe you appear to be married to.

Does he often tell you what you can and can't do, and leave you to set up the spare room because his sister needs to stay again?

This he needs to grow a backbone

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 18:47

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:44

After she pretty much laughed in my face I called her a fucking slapper. I’m not proud of it.

Sounds accurate. Own it!

Winterwonderwhy · 15/12/2025 18:46

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:44

After she pretty much laughed in my face I called her a fucking slapper. I’m not proud of it.

You were not wrong though.

Winterwonderwhy · 15/12/2025 18:45

Yanbu, I would be so furious at this. I would have also told her to not bring her toxic relationship issues to your home as well. It’s a matter of time she will get back with the ex- her type always does.
this is a perfect time to stick to your boundaries. What she did was really so very wrong.

Original poster
JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:45

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 18:31

I would be telling her to leave. Now.

We have. She only stayed on Saturday and back to her own house on Sunday.

OP posts:
Original poster
JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:44

After she pretty much laughed in my face I called her a fucking slapper. I’m not proud of it.

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 15/12/2025 18:42

She is so out of order. You have every right to say something and she wouldn’t be staying at my house again if we’re yours

Theslummymummy · 15/12/2025 18:38

What did you call her?

Glittertwins · 15/12/2025 18:35

And get your keys back, she can find another shag pad without young children there!

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 18:31

I would be telling her to leave. Now.

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 18:29

You should have got up at the time and told them to shut up and get out; your kids heard that. She was completely out of line to bring anyone back to your home, stranger or not, as your kids are there. She’d be out in her arse and not invited back.
The issue you have is your husband; he needs an ultimatum here. His wife and kids or his sister’s behaviour. He has to stand up for the rules in your house.

I think what you called her is pretty important too, because if you said anything along the lines of slut, slag or skank then you’ve lost the high ground.