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AIBU?

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Original poster

Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

214 replies

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:11

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

OP posts:
FlyingApple · 15/12/2025 19:39

I would be very, very unhappy with my children at home. Incredibly disrespectful.

AngelicKaty · 15/12/2025 19:38

Butchyrestingface · 15/12/2025 19:37

anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

What did you call her, @JessNic ?

A "slapper".

AngelicKaty · 15/12/2025 19:37

@JessNic YANBU OP and I'd be furious too. On the upside, she's kind of relieved you and DH of the "shoulder to cry on" role because she's so badly overstepped the line that the next time (and every time after) that she needs tea and sympathy you can tell her to fuck off and she'll know why.

Butchyrestingface · 15/12/2025 19:37

anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

What did you call her, @JessNic ?

Ponderingwindow · 15/12/2025 19:34

She put your children in danger. It’s not negotiable. She loses sleepover privileges.

SilverPink · 15/12/2025 19:33

Yea she wouldn’t be staying at my house again. For her own sake in future you need to refuse to put her up - for a start, the fact she’s forced to stay home and face the consequences with her partner instead of running off for a day or two means the relationship is more likely to end sooner rather than later.

NormasArse · 15/12/2025 19:31

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 19:01

And the misogynists are out.

Having sex with anyone; husband, boyfriend, hook up, stranger… doesn’t matter. Doesn’t make anyone a slapper or a slut or any other disgusting name used to put women down just for being sexual.

The way she did it, at someone else’s home with children there is what is wrong. The disrespect to OP’s home and family. That’s the problem. Not the actual act of having sec with a man, and she is not a slapper. Disgusting comment.

OP, she was entirely out of line. Entirely. And you are completely right to be enraged at her behaviour, but you didn’t need to turn into a misogynist to make your point. It’s disappointing.

Show quote history

I’d think anyone, man or woman, who was so desperate for a shag that they were utterly disrespectful to family, including small children, was a slapper tbh.

SnippySnappy · 15/12/2025 19:31

Stick to your guns. Absolute pure disrespect from your SIL.

Out of curiosity, what's the position of other members of the family (your in laws)?

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 15/12/2025 19:30

Don't you dare apologise for calling her a slapper!

doitwithlove · 15/12/2025 19:29

I would be seething with my dh for not having a pair of balls and calling them out on what was happening. I would want nothing to do with dsil from today onwards. Who the feck does she think she is!!!.

FestiveBauble · 15/12/2025 19:28

You were kinder than I’d have been!

Your DH is a disgrace - he’s happy for some random man to be brought back to the house your young children are asleep in and have loud sex with his sister?! That’s disgusting. Just thinking about the security aspect should have been enough to get him kicking them out!

ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2025 19:24

I agree with PP. You have a DH problem.

CamillaMcCauley · 15/12/2025 19:23

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 19:17

Sorry, what is “slappery behaviour?”

I don’t actually think there is any such think a slapper/slut/whore behaviour.

There is disrespectful behaviour, to the OP and her home. There is dangerous and inappropriate behaviour, to the children in the home. There is rudeness, the way she acted in the morning by laughing.

But I’m not sure what makes a woman a slapper? I thought we were past that sort of abuse of women.

Show quote history

Given the extreme disrespect the SIL has shown to the OP, the comparatively mild language used by the OP in the heat of the moment after having her concerns laughed at is what you’re going to focus on? Really?

StripedVase · 15/12/2025 19:23

People get angry under extreme provocation, which this was - don't be shamed by people pretending they've never used potentially offensive language when greatly riled! I think what I'd try to do is apologise for the word used, but tell her an apology is clearly also due from her. I'd definitely expect my husband to be involved and to back me up.

Couldyounot · 15/12/2025 19:21

Using your house, in which you and your kids were asleep, for a shag. Classy.

ocool · 15/12/2025 19:19

Why did she not go back to her own house for a bonk?

Very presumptuous and disrespectful of your home and boundaries to do this and be unapologetic. Anyone would be mad as hell about this. I would have done the same as you OP and I wouldn't hold back either!

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 15/12/2025 19:17

Nearly50omg · 15/12/2025 18:23

I’d have got up when the noise started and gone and told the bloke AND my sil they needed to leave NOW!!!

Same. That’s completely unacceptable, especially with young children in the house. Your DH really needs to get a grip.

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 19:17

Betty1625 · 15/12/2025 19:07

It's a slappery behaviour, completely justified statement. Let's not hide behind feminism.
I wouldn't like this behaviour from male or female guest

Show quote history

Sorry, what is “slappery behaviour?”

I don’t actually think there is any such think a slapper/slut/whore behaviour.

There is disrespectful behaviour, to the OP and her home. There is dangerous and inappropriate behaviour, to the children in the home. There is rudeness, the way she acted in the morning by laughing.

But I’m not sure what makes a woman a slapper? I thought we were past that sort of abuse of women.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/12/2025 19:16

I'd have been out of bed as soon as I realised somebody I didn't know was in my house, asking them both to leave.
She is totally out of order, totally disrespectful.

Owly11 · 15/12/2025 19:16

Absolutely disgusting. I hope you used some choice words.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 15/12/2025 19:14

I would have had a lot worse to say to her! Maybe not the best way to deal with it but still. You have to protect your kids first and foremost which means not having her over to stay again.

Flowerslamp · 15/12/2025 19:14

You were both very wrong.

It's misogynistic to call a woman a slapper.

She absolutely shouldn't have brought this man back to your house.

I don't think it matters which of you is most wrong. Either you'll have a family feud forever or one of you needs to make the first move towards an apology.

CamillaMcCauley · 15/12/2025 19:14

Bringing a casual acquaintance back to someone’s house where kids are sleeping is disgusting behaviour and getting worked up over being called a slapper for doing so seems to be classic deflection.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 15/12/2025 19:14

AwfullyGood · 15/12/2025 19:09

I wouldn't apologise to my SIL if she called me a "fucking slapper".

I would apologise to my brother for having sex in his house, with a near stranger, especially when there are small kids in the house and even tell him I understand why SUL was so upset.

No one gets to call me that and I wouldn't speak to you again.

I'm not the SIL, nor would I do what she did but you escalated it to the point of no return imo.

Show quote history

The op didn't escalate it to the point of no return. The SIL did by bringing a random man back to her house.

RightOnTheEdge · 15/12/2025 19:12

You should have gone and banged on the door as soon as you realised someone else was with her and thrown them both out.
Your little boy could have woken up and heard!

Your husband is an absolute weirdo for telling you not to. So he just laid there listening to his sister making those noises with a random bloke? Strange family.