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AIBU?

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Original poster

Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

214 replies

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:11

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

OP posts:
Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 15/12/2025 21:11

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:44

After she pretty much laughed in my face I called her a fucking slapper. I’m not proud of it.

You were not wrong. She can do as she pleases in her own house but in yours she acted like a slapper and your kids could have seen/heard. She is cheap and nasty for doing that.

Balab · 15/12/2025 21:10

Your DH needs to understand that bringing a random man into the home of 2 small children, when their parents are asleep, is a massive massive safeguarding risk. What was to stop sil falling asleep and random man going and molesting your small children when you were asleep.

Your DH needs to wake up. SIL can’t stay anymore. Her behavior isn’t ok.

Sunbeam01 · 15/12/2025 21:10

Gosh.

What was she thinking!?

I would probably let it go now you've confronted her but she wouldn't be welcome back in my house again - to stay.

BillieWiper · 15/12/2025 21:09

couldthisbe2501 · 15/12/2025 20:25

Your lodger, I’m assuming, paid you rent for the room they inhabited and, as you said, there were no small children around. Having loud sex, in someone else’s home, with the possibility of waking their children up is so unbelievably scummy it’s insane.

Show quote history

Well that's why I said she should tell her to sleep in a hotel because she disturbed the children. I don't know why you think I'm condoning it?

JoyeuxNarwhal · 15/12/2025 21:05

Endofyear · 15/12/2025 21:00

Well she was wrong to bring a bloke back to your home and you were wrong to call her a fucking slapper. Hard to take the high road when you're throwing insults like that around. You'd have been better to tackle the subject with her when you were calm. Anyway, lesson learned, don't let her stay the night again.

One is a bit worse than the other though, no? I don't think the op is massively in the wrong here.

PrimalLass · 15/12/2025 21:05

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:44

After she pretty much laughed in my face I called her a fucking slapper. I’m not proud of it.

Not unreasonable though.

Endofyear · 15/12/2025 21:00

Well she was wrong to bring a bloke back to your home and you were wrong to call her a fucking slapper. Hard to take the high road when you're throwing insults like that around. You'd have been better to tackle the subject with her when you were calm. Anyway, lesson learned, don't let her stay the night again.

Kitkate21 · 15/12/2025 20:59

I would be furious too. All well and good saying she fancied getting laid, but don't be so clatty, and go to a hotel or something. Id be absolutely furious. Whether I had kids in the house or not. Who is cleaning up after them?!! Your husband needs to get a grip too and stop entertaining her trotting in and out when it suits her.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 15/12/2025 20:58

What a cheeky fucking bitch! I can sympathise as I had the same with my SIL always staying at ours when he kicked her out. She didn't bring anyone back to shag though so I should count my blessings. 😂I think calling her a slapper, although you feel guilty about it, will mean that you see less of her now which is probably want you secretly want. I know I did in the end. Your husband should have a word though. What she did was pretty disrespectful.

Cherrysoup · 15/12/2025 20:55

Her behaviour was appalling, bringing in a stranger! And presumably she’s gone back to her partner? Does he know what she did? I hope he does and they break up permanently, sounds like it’s past time for both their sakes.

cadburyegg · 15/12/2025 20:53

You shouldn’t have called her a slapper but given the circumstances I don’t really blame you tbh. What she did was fucking outrageous

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 15/12/2025 20:51

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 15/12/2025 19:30

Don't you dare apologise for calling her a slapper!

No way. If the SIL can't respect the OP and her home then the OP is wholly entitled to respond in kind.

To the PP who said "No one gets to call me that and I wouldn't speak to you again." if that is also the SILs stance then I suspect it'll be a blessed relief to the OP!

Onthemaintrunkline · 15/12/2025 20:50

Your husband has no backbone. Your SIL is a disrespectful piece with questionable morals.

You did her a kindness and her actions have now caused ‘atmosphere’ between you and your husband! And she defends her actions!!

BettysRoasties · 15/12/2025 20:49

Slut shaming is a funny term. Because I can’t think of a single one who are shamed by it thus they do it 😅

Its slutty behaviour man or women to bring a one night stand to a family members home and have loud sex. If you’re going to do it own the name after.

I’ve called men whores before because they were whoring it around. Putting it out to everyone who would accept it. It’s only
sexist if you’d only say it to one gender.

arcticpandas · 15/12/2025 20:48

Driftingawaynow · 15/12/2025 20:06

You lost the moral high ground by calling her a slapper

How's that? I'm so sick of virtuesignalling people calling everything misogynistic. I have called my brother a slapper (because he was at one point in his life).

OP shouldn't be excusing herself for the Sil dusrespecting her home.

localnotail · 15/12/2025 20:45

Why is "slapper" is so offensive? She should own it. If the behaviour is considered acceptable, why not the name?

I personally reserve the right to look down on people who have the same level of control of their genial dogs on heat have. And this applies to both sexes...

MikeRafone · 15/12/2025 20:44

Your sil is taking the piss

bring a chap back for sex is really not on - regardless, your home is not a knocking shop

but any talk of staying over again would be meet by me with a strong no

shes burnt that bridge

whynotwhatknot · 15/12/2025 20:43

double post

whynotwhatknot · 15/12/2025 20:43

shes a cheater and disrespectful can you imagine a man doing this and people saying dont call him names!

your husband is a wet wipe aswell -has he always been like that

Penisbeakeralltheclassics · 15/12/2025 20:41

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:44

After she pretty much laughed in my face I called her a fucking slapper. I’m not proud of it.

So you slut shamed her? Frankly in her position I’d be pleased she’s looked elsewhere, it might end her poor relationship.

whatsnewpussycat34 · 15/12/2025 20:38

The cheeky bitch! I’d have chucked her out before she’d even got her knickers off!

JoyeuxNarwhal · 15/12/2025 20:35

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:45

We have. She only stayed on Saturday and back to her own house on Sunday.

Show quote history

So presuming her partner was still at her home she knew she was going to be shagging about and came to yours as she was too cheap to book a hotel. Classy.

Yanbu. Obvs. She doesn't get to stay again.

GreyBeeplus3 · 15/12/2025 20:34

No you're not in the wrong here
She should've known better
Rather than sulking immaturely as if she's the injured party
Anyways, know the solution?
She never darkens your doorstep again
Some people can't live without dramatics

Bunnycat101 · 15/12/2025 20:33

She is deflecting massively by playing victim that you called her a slapper. Quite frankly I’d have done well to have remained that civil. She crossed a major line. No-one sane would bring a one-night stand to a family member’s home with small children. You were doing her a massive favour in giving her a place to stay. Her behaviour was shitty and she needs to be told.

Wtfdoidoplease · 15/12/2025 20:32

You shouldn’t have called her a slapper, but you are correct to be livid. Had you called her a twat I’d have backed you all the way. However, you slut shamed her so now you lose the moral high ground. It’s a shame because you could have really had some fun up there. Commiserations!