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AIBU?

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Original poster

Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

214 replies

JessNic · 15/12/2025 18:11

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

OP posts:
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 15/12/2025 22:31

BettysRoasties · 15/12/2025 20:49

Slut shaming is a funny term. Because I can’t think of a single one who are shamed by it thus they do it 😅

Its slutty behaviour man or women to bring a one night stand to a family members home and have loud sex. If you’re going to do it own the name after.

I’ve called men whores before because they were whoring it around. Putting it out to everyone who would accept it. It’s only
sexist if you’d only say it to one gender.

Come on, those terms are gendered in one direction only, and we all know it. They are misogynistic.

Biskieboo · 15/12/2025 22:30

I know it's sort of an internet rule that 'the OP is always wrong', but I cannot believe that people are getting uppity about the SIL getting called a 'fucking slapper' in these circumstances. No it's not a pleasant term but it's not wildly inaccurate here either is it?

TooHotWaterBottle · 15/12/2025 22:30

Eek, fat fingers clicked wrong vote. Clearly YANBU at all! Gross behaviour by her.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 15/12/2025 22:29

Have we not moved on from calling women things like "slapper"?

She was in the wrong completely to bring this person home. I agree with that much. And it would be better if she handled her ongoing relationship problems in other ways than repeatedly involving you and your family. I don't blame you for being really annoyed, OP.

Let's leave the casual misogyny out, though. It's every bit as bad as racism or any other prejudice, and it's very sad to see women calling other women such names, too.

MCF86 · 15/12/2025 22:26

You are not unreasonable for being furious.
You were unreasonable to politely let them carry on and ignore it until morning though!

Coalday · 15/12/2025 22:26

Your husband is some loser to defend a possible strange man in the house with your children.
Completely unbelievable.
I cannot believe you stood for it yourself.
She is a cheeky fxxker and your husband is a wet lettuce.
She wouldn't be staying in my house again.
Who does that?
Bring a shag back to their brothers family home?
Hold on to that anger.

Ohthatsabitshit · 15/12/2025 22:22

She would never stay at my home again apology or not. Tell dh he can see her at her house or anywhere really but in your house. If he has a problem with that ask him to leave too. Disgusting, dangerous and unacceptable behaviour. Know your worth and draw a line.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 15/12/2025 22:18

Minging.

YANBU.

Cornishclio · 15/12/2025 22:06

I would have thrown her out immediately along with the random guy. Don’t let her stay again and don’t get involved in her toxic relationship although it sounds like she is the problem rather than her partner. Tell your DH to grow a pair too.

Nevernonono · 15/12/2025 22:02

suburberphobe · 15/12/2025 21:53

I'd be livid and also ask her why she didn't go back to his place

Probably got a wife and kids there.....

or he doesn’t want her to know where he lives.

She sounds a total liability!

illsendansostotheworld · 15/12/2025 21:59

So she's brought god knows who into your home with your young children - you called her an appropriate name and some people saying you're wrong?!

Of course YANBU - it's your home ffs

Stophittingyourbrother · 15/12/2025 21:55

What a disrespectful thing for her to do!

I hope your DH is the one washing the sheets.

suburberphobe · 15/12/2025 21:53

I'd be livid and also ask her why she didn't go back to his place

Probably got a wife and kids there.....

lifeonmars100 · 15/12/2025 21:51

I'd be livid and also ask her why she didn't go back to his place

suburberphobe · 15/12/2025 21:50

Oh god calm down.

No, you do. And follow the news about pedos in the news every day.

Not saying he is obviously but bringing strangers into your house with children there is a complete NO GO.

Those poor kids. Waking up with some weirdo stumbling around in their home/safe space.

She needs to get her shit together and rent her own place.

Bestfootforward11 · 15/12/2025 21:47

This does sound somewhat grim. I think apologise for the words you used but say obviously she will not be staying over again.

suburberphobe · 15/12/2025 21:42

DD4 and DS6.

And the "man" in the house lets his sister come around with strangers to have sex?!

I would give him an ultimatum.

Honestly, single motherhood is so much chiller than these toxic people all over your life, house and children growing up in this environment.

They will grow up thinking this is the norm in life.

I'm glad you reached out to MN OP as you know this is not normal.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 15/12/2025 21:38

Pricelessadvice · 15/12/2025 18:24

How rude of her! If you are staying at someone’s house for the night, you don’t just invite a shag over with you!

I’d be furious too OP.

I TOTALLY agree.

@JessNic she is so disrespectful - of you, your children and your home. That is OUTRAGEOUS behaviour.

B1anche · 15/12/2025 21:30

JessNic · 15/12/2025 21:17

Thank you. Sadly she wasn’t on the level below my DC, she was in the bedroom next to one of them. I am amazed they slept through.

Show quote history

I cant believe you did not put a stop to it just because your husband told you not to. Surely your children should be your top priority. I would have been in there, the second I'd realised she'd brought a stranger into my home.

Penisbeakeralltheclassics · 15/12/2025 21:29

Balab · 15/12/2025 21:10

Your DH needs to understand that bringing a random man into the home of 2 small children, when their parents are asleep, is a massive massive safeguarding risk. What was to stop sil falling asleep and random man going and molesting your small children when you were asleep.

Your DH needs to wake up. SIL can’t stay anymore. Her behavior isn’t ok.

Oh god calm down.

SparkyBlue · 15/12/2025 21:27

And the fact that she couldn’t go to his place would suggest that he is either married or in a relationship so both of them as bad as each other . OP you said absolutely nothing wrong please don’t allow any of this to be deflected back to you

Tapsthemic · 15/12/2025 21:22

Ewww - I’d be livid too, OP.

Original poster
JessNic · 15/12/2025 21:17

tv12345 · 15/12/2025 21:14

Well done OP for standing up for your home and your family, there's no law that says you always have to deal with things calmly and politely. Just occasionally you have to peg it down from the moral high ground and lose your shit at someone.

Hook ups are one thing, loudly hooking up while plastered at gone 1 in the morning in your DB/SIL's house with their young children asleep upstairs on the very same night that you've supposedly ended your on off relationship yet again - well yes I'd think that qualifies you as a slapper. I'd have an equally low opinion of a man doing the same, disgusting behaviour whatever your sex.

Thank you. Sadly she wasn’t on the level below my DC, she was in the bedroom next to one of them. I am amazed they slept through.

OP posts:
tv12345 · 15/12/2025 21:14

Well done OP for standing up for your home and your family, there's no law that says you always have to deal with things calmly and politely. Just occasionally you have to peg it down from the moral high ground and lose your shit at someone.

Hook ups are one thing, loudly hooking up while plastered at gone 1 in the morning in your DB/SIL's house with their young children asleep upstairs on the very same night that you've supposedly ended your on off relationship yet again - well yes I'd think that qualifies you as a slapper. I'd have an equally low opinion of a man doing the same, disgusting behaviour whatever your sex.

Original poster
JessNic · 15/12/2025 21:11

I appreciate the replies, as I said I’m not proud of my comment but I couldn’t stand there and accept what she was telling me. It was incredibly insulting. She even told me it was acceptable she was loud because she was drunk and she’s always more ‘vocal’ then and couldn’t help it. Just gross.

My in laws are on the scene but she doesn’t trouble them about her relationship woes anymore. Sadly DFIL has been very ill for a while now so they’ve got bigger worries, hence DH taking the brunt.

Its a shame, because her partner is actually a nice man and could do so much better than someone of her ‘class’.

OP posts: