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Original poster

To think adult children are becoming more entitled?

306 replies

Lamentingalways · 15/12/2025 11:52

Can I ask that this isn’t posted on Facebook please as it quite outing? Thank you!

I’m not sure that entitled is quite the right word but I am wondering if any others (particularly interested in the view points from people that have children in their 20’s) have noticed this.

I feel like we’ve moved forward hugely as a society in that we can name our emotions, put boundaries in place and recognise personality traits. I am glad our children learn these things he in school but it does feel (to me) that many of these young adults look at the way they were parented quite dimly and it feels as though their expectations are quite entitled and frankly ludicrous. Is it perhaps because many if them haven’t experienced how hard parenting actually is? Or perhaps this is unique to me although I do see lots of posts on social media
where young adults are complaining about what I would consider a parent doing their best during that time.

My daughter is late 20’s, I was a young Mum but I always worked and arranged for my family to take care of her when needed. I didn’t really drink, didn’t smoke, there was always food in the cupboard, meals were made, there was a warm, safe roof over her head. She had clean clothes, I paid for any school trip she requested even after I became a single Mum, t told her I loved her every day and still do every time I see her. I certainly am not perfect and have made mistakes I’m sure but I genuinely did my best and I think looking at other parents it wasn’t a bad life I gave her. We always had little holidays, she had good school attendance etc (which doesn’t happen by accident). I never had to give harsh punishments because she was a well behaved child and we talked about things so it never felt necessary.

Let me say I am very proud of her and I love her very much, I won’t tell her I feel this way because she would be upset and I will never fall out with her. But I feel that she is quite ungrateful. She makes little comments to me sometimes when she is with her OH that feel unwarranted, she will talk about anything negative that happened and I’m serious when I say these are seriously small things like I snapped at her or I got annoyed that she wouldn’t do something that I asked her to. She is quite condescending sometimes as if I am an idiot.she implied I was wearing the wrong size shoes quite recently (I wasn’t, it is brand that has unusual sizing and they fit perfectly) I certainly am not an idiot, I’m getting b older so sometimes might forget something but I work in a professional field, drive, have an owned home and have younger children. You know from the outside I’ve got my shit together so to speak (inside is a different matter but I hide that well) She chose to move somewhere that is a 35 minute drive from me which is absolutely fine and really no big deal but I do have 2 school runs a day to do and younger children to take care of so it was never going to be conducive to me seeing her all the time when we both work and have commitments. I want her to live wherever she wants to but I think she maybe resents that I don’t visit her more, she hasn’t said that but once made a comment that implies that’s how she feels. One of the problems with that is when I ask her to do anything she assumes I will pay. It doesn’t matter what the activity is she stands next to me and watches me pay. She doesn’t say thank you, she doesn’t offer to pay and doesn’t offer to send me the money. If her partner is there he offers or orders separately so I’m.not sure why she feels quite so entitled when she is alone with me. The other thing is, whilst I don’t see her as often as perhaps her MIL does (all her children have left home and she lives around the corner) it does mean that I never interfere, I have never once told her I disagree with her decisions etc where as MIL does, there’s something to be said for having a Mum that just says well done and lets you get on with whatever you please without judgement isn’t there? One year she didn’t send me a birthday card or present but did send a text. She never buys her Step Dad a birthday card and their relationship has been fine. I always make sure she and her partner have their card and present to open on their birthday whether I will be seeing them on the day or not, same at Christmas. Her step dad used to drive her around semi regularly, went to her when her car broke down, paid her phone bill etc. Of course I can’t list everything that feels disrespectful here but there are quite a few more examples of her almost feeling like I wasn’t / am not quite good enough for her but I genuinely tried my best and like I say I am fairly confident that it was a lot better than the children and young adults around her were getting.

So I guess what I am asking is have you noticed this if you have children around this age or is it quite unique to me? I’m not looking for advice as such (although I know some can’t help themselves) but I can promise you that I’m not hiding any massive trauma that occurred and I also know I should speak to her about it - I will but now isn’t the right time.

OP posts:
xmasstress12 · 15/12/2025 17:34

Becoming a parent yourself really does make your look back at how you were parented. You gain a lot more understanding but equally there are many wtf moments! 😆

Original poster
Lamentingalways · 15/12/2025 17:33

labamba18 · 15/12/2025 16:38

Another thing to add, as millennials you can’t move on social media without someone complaining about their parents or diagnosing people with mental health issues.

My parents were not perfect, there are things I’ll do differently. But they made me feel loved and safe. They annoyed me (still do sometimes 😂) but there’s no way I’m going to blame them for shit in my life now. There comes a point when you have to take responsibility for your own stuff going on.

Yes I think that’s what I’m getting at. It’s awash with how we messed them up and did everything wrong. But when you tried so hard it’s a bit galling!

OP posts:
ColourThief · 15/12/2025 17:25

landlordhell · 15/12/2025 16:15

Yes they came back from uni like they knew everything! As for paying their way I think you need to be clear before you go that you’re going to pay for yourselves. I could t wait to treat my mum when I started earning. Sadly today’s youth are not so eager.

“Today’s youth…. Blah blah blah”
On par with “KIDS TODAY!”

The older generation (annoying to be lumped In together and make an annoying generalisation, isn’t it?) always love to whinge about those that come after them.

It’s incredibly tedious and predictable.

Original poster
Lamentingalways · 15/12/2025 17:21

mummymeister · 15/12/2025 15:41

well probably not a popular opinion but as a soceity as you sew so shall you reap!

too many everyone gets a prize. too much allowing bad behaviour with gentle parenting bollocks. too many parents think that their children must have some sort of mental health problem and giving it a "D" label of some sort. and what does this achieve. 1 in 4 under 25 on disability benefits.

I have several children in their 20s. they were bought up in schools where there were 1st, 2nd and 3rds in literally everything. they were supported and helped but ultimately not pandered to which was incredibly tough at times when every other parent around us was just giving in. they had regular bed times and routines. they did their homework because they were told to even if it was pointless.

it all started 25/30 years ago and its led to a whole cohort of young adults who have absolutely zero resilience. they dont see work as a priority they think being an influencer will give them a living. they were the generation that just got given stuff without earning it.

yes they have it tough now, of course they do. but waiting for someone to bail them out? thats going to be a long wait.

too many parents were just too soft and kids never learned about the real world. I am only grateful that I wont see the current youngsters when they are in their 30s because their generation is going to be even worse!

I agree with you. I’m not sure it’s representive of my life with this child though or maybe I’m deluded? So for example, she was always very respectful, we spent so much time together having fun and talked about everything. This isn’t a child that wasn’t ever disciplined for example because she was, but never needed anything heavy handed because she was (is) lovely and tried at school, got a PT job whilst at college and was always grateful for any help we gave her. She also loved buying me a gift on my birthday and left me notes etc as a teenager. This is only something that started when she left home. Almost like she’s analysed her childhood alongside her OH and has now ‘realised’ I made lots of mistakes or even large ones but I didn’t! If I did (of course I did make some) but I can assure you they weren’t enough for her to feel this way about me. People seem a little hung up about the money but realistically that seems like the easiest thing to fix. I intend to just invite her to pay next time (something inexpensive) it’s more about the way she expects it even though her OH doesn’t (although maybe he does when it’s his Mum) They do nothing but complain about his Mum interfering and I just brush it off and say something vaguely encouraging because I don’t want to be negative about someone else’s Mum even though I think she’s actually crackers! They speak badly of her but then recently accepted a sizeable gift from her and I pointed out that it was very generous of her because it is. If they feel so strongly about her (maybe me as well) why do they want to accept anything from us? It seems to me that if it were that bad they wouldn’t want to see me but they seem to want to. I think now that I’m thinking more about it that she’s become a little selfish in the last 4-5 years. She is very critical of a lot of people when I think about it. I don’t know perhaps she’s unhappy but she seems very settled and like her life is going the ways she wants it to. I am in a position to afford her coffee and cake etc and actually whenever she says she’s struggling I send her a little bit but it’s more the entitlement if it that seems to have grown. I did something for her over last weekend that took up quite a lot if my time and she seemed disappointed that I hadn’t done more, it’s hard to explain without saying exactly what it was. She hadn’t asked me to do it but I checked it was okay and she was enthusiastic about it but I could tell it wasn’t quite good enough and it has made me really sad actually and I’m not overly emotional usually.

OP posts:
ColourThief · 15/12/2025 17:19

MidnightPatrol · 15/12/2025 12:05

I like that you have extrapolated some fairly minor issues with your relationship with your daughter into ‘all young adults are entitled’.

There is a change in dynamic when a child becomes an adult, if you eg don’t want to pay for her, just tell her you can’t afford to.

This exactly.

isargosaword · 15/12/2025 17:11

I’m early 30s and have definitely noticed this thing with a lot of my generation and younger, over-analysing their childhoods and any parenting ‘mistakes’ made by their parents.
Obviously some people have parents who were genuinely abusive and/or negligent but it’s often it’s not the case. My parents were far from perfect in many ways, but now I have my own children I realise how very difficult it is navigating different situations, knowing whether you’re doing the right thing or not.

SnoopyPajamas · 15/12/2025 17:10

Were you quite enmeshed with her during the Single Mum years, and that changed suddenly with the advent of Family 2.0?

It feels like this is not a generational issue, and is more to do with the particular relationship you have with your daughter. It's probably rooted in the time period I asked about above. Some of the details you mention, like that you never had to punish her because she was such a well-behaved child, and that you feel she resents you for not spending more time with her, make me wonder what her childhood looked like from her perspective.

Either way, I'd stop asking her to do "activities" that require payment, if you're not happy to foot the bill for them. It's clear she doesn't want to shell out for this stuff, for whatever reason. Low-cost meet ups are the way to go. It's time for you both to rediscover the joys of a walk in the park 😂

Toucanfusingforme · 15/12/2025 17:08

I think part of it can come from making things too easy for your kids. I have a relative, and anything her kids wanted to do (think classes, musical instruments, new hobbies) she arranged and made easy for them. Perfectly nice kids, but who learned their mum would sort things for them so it took no effort from them. I worked on the theory that whatever the current fad was from my kids I needed to see some commitment or more than a passing interest before investing my time and effort in it.
Her kids have been brought up to believe that what they want takes precedence, because the kids being happy makes the parents happy. They have literally been taught that by their parents.
I have no doubt that they love their parents, and are decent enough people, but I do feel the parents are now paying the price for being too quick to make life easier for them in earlier years!

justasking111 · 15/12/2025 17:05

I had three boys, never experienced this. As a grandparent with three boys and two girls. I have to admit that the girls can be pretty sassy with their mother. I pick them up on it if they say something in my presence. Their daddy on the other hand can do no wrong.

So I think it's a female thing.

Happyjoe · 15/12/2025 17:03

xmasstress12 · 15/12/2025 16:59

I think it’s the fact wages have stagnated for so many years & many job terms & conditions/pensions are less favourable.

Yes, for sure. The UK has had no real industry or real growth for years, not just this generation.

xmasstress12 · 15/12/2025 17:00

Oh & the fact you will have paid so much more for your degree.

xmasstress12 · 15/12/2025 16:59

I think it’s the fact wages have stagnated for so many years & many job terms & conditions/pensions are less favourable.

Monty34 · 15/12/2025 16:57

Mangelwurzelfortea · 15/12/2025 16:37

'Aghast'. God, childless 30somethings getting drunk and having fun - prithee loosen my bodice for I fear I will swoon at the horror of it.

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I think they feel hard done by. And I can understand why. Many were promised the earth. They were told they worked harder, were more intelligent than the generation before. Year after year. It was almost cruel.
To realise when you leave university that you are working alongside people who also have degrees but also many years of work experience under their belt must hurt.

xmasstress12 · 15/12/2025 16:55

Happyjoe · 15/12/2025 16:43

Each and every generation has had problems.

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They do but the particular issues facing today’s young are very different to what they experienced growing up which is part of the issue.

xmasstress12 · 15/12/2025 16:53

isn’t some of it to do with how families make different choices for want of a better term.

For example plenty of dc do get help to get on the property ladder & some get crazy help. This puts the ones without any help at a real disadvantage & you can see how this breeds resentment in some & raises expectations.

MNs is weird as they will simultaneously criticise an adult child for expecting help with a deposit & criticise parents who don’t save for their dcs future.

applestrudels · 15/12/2025 16:52

QuietLifeNoDrama · 15/12/2025 14:03

This feels like a sweeping generalisation to me. As for the paying for things. Have you ever actually asked her to pay for anything or do you always step up first to pay? I ask because it was an ongoing thing with one of my younger siblings but realistically it was my parents fault. They always used to moan that they never paid for anything but they would always jump up first to do it. Similarly if they would call and say they were popping in after work parents would complain and say oh we had to make dinner for x the other night. When actually I’ve heard the conversations myself and they just assume it’s expected, go of there way to offer and then make a big song and dance about it afterwards. When I know for a fact my sibling doesn’t expect any of it. Would you say both transitioned into an Adult-Adult relationship as opposed to
adult-child?

I’m now starting to wonder if my mum has a secret second family 😂 Always slagging me off for “not paying my way”, but she’ll argue and argue and argue that she wants to pay, and will even sneak off “to the toilet” and pay on the way back.

MyDeftDuck · 15/12/2025 16:51

My OH has a son like this……OH used to bail him out of debt, buy the GC shoes and clothes when the DS had pissed his cash away on a drunken binge, buy food hampers for Christmas etc. When OH retired I told him it needed to stop, he didn’t have enough income to continue. Guess what???? DS no longer speaks to him……I wonder why!

Montere · 15/12/2025 16:44

It's certainly true that you can't appreciate how hard parenting is until you are one. But some of what you've written comes across as things that should have been learnt by now? And so surely her lack of appreciation for things you do / expecting you to pay is because it wasn't expected of her before?

Mine were choosing presents for people since they were tiny and expected to buy/make them independently by the time they were early teens.

They also paid 'rent' from when they were 16 and had jobs (not a lot but enough to know it wasn't all pocket money). They also didn't/dont ask for money - or lifts. We do offer quite a lot but they are fully aware of how to get to places without expecting us to be available.

Don't get me wrong, there have definitely been some critical remarks about instances in their childhood - I think that's inevitable. And there have been some rocky patches where I haven't heard from them for ages and I feel a bit left out but I try and remind myself that they're living their own lives now and I certainly don't think to ring my mum every day. But the 'entitlement' not so much.

Happyjoe · 15/12/2025 16:43

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 15/12/2025 12:06

I don't think the boomer generation realise how difficult things are for young people now. House prices tripling, job security, pensions etc.

Each and every generation has had problems.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/12/2025 16:40

Mangelwurzelfortea · 15/12/2025 16:38

Boomers only had to live through one of those tbf. The name literally refers to the baby boom after WW2.

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Yes I know. I was giving examples of things that caused struggle for previous generations but not Gen Z (as we are talking about OP's daughter's generation feeling like they have struggles that are new and unique to them. This may be true, but I think it's true for many if not every generation.

labamba18 · 15/12/2025 16:38

Another thing to add, as millennials you can’t move on social media without someone complaining about their parents or diagnosing people with mental health issues.

My parents were not perfect, there are things I’ll do differently. But they made me feel loved and safe. They annoyed me (still do sometimes 😂) but there’s no way I’m going to blame them for shit in my life now. There comes a point when you have to take responsibility for your own stuff going on.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 15/12/2025 16:38

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/12/2025 16:32

Elder millenial here, so a generation in between boomer and Gen Z.

I think it may still be true that some boomers may not realise the challenges that younger people live with (but that most do, now). Equally I think that younger adults like to play the victim a little.

Every generation has/had their challenges. Thankfully, Gen Z did not have to live through the Aids crisis, the great depression or two world wars.

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Boomers only had to live through one of those tbf. The name literally refers to the baby boom after WW2.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 15/12/2025 16:37

Monty34 · 15/12/2025 16:04

I do think young people are younger for longer. Not all of course. But generally.
My dad when he was 30 had three small children. A job. And lived a very modest life.
Compare and contrast when at work I hear. 30 somethings ( who are not stupid people at all ) say ' I going out this weekend to get hammered'. And everyone else nods.
And I am the only one aghast.

'Aghast'. God, childless 30somethings getting drunk and having fun - prithee loosen my bodice for I fear I will swoon at the horror of it.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/12/2025 16:32

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 15/12/2025 12:06

I don't think the boomer generation realise how difficult things are for young people now. House prices tripling, job security, pensions etc.

Elder millenial here, so a generation in between boomer and Gen Z.

I think it may still be true that some boomers may not realise the challenges that younger people live with (but that most do, now). Equally I think that younger adults like to play the victim a little.

Every generation has/had their challenges. Thankfully, Gen Z did not have to live through the Aids crisis, the great depression or two world wars.

fussychica · 15/12/2025 16:27

I'm late 60s, DS is early 30s. Recently become a homeowner with his partner.q No expectation of help though we have gifted money for solicitors fees etc and recently gave him a sum of money for his birthday, to treat himself. We've helped him do various bits and bobs around the house and he has treated us to meals out to thank us. He's very good at managing his money without being tight. I actually think he's become more generous since buying their house.