To think adult children are becoming more entitled?

OP is very unlikely to be a boomer

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack
@Pennyfan
@Lamentingalways
@TomatoSandwiches
@BruFord
@BradPittsLeftArmpit
There’s plenty I understand and agree with in all your posts… as I say, it’s complex.
I wonder if all generations feel slightly let down by previous ones occasionally, only now they’re more vocal about it?
Yes, there’s definitely more sadness in young people, sometimes justifiable; other times it seems more like self pity… and when gen z are constantly being told they’re having it tough, why wouldn’t they believe it?
Certainly some things are harder now, but there’s so much help, sympathy and awareness too, whereas previous generations were expected to just get on with it, and that was tough!

I'm Gen X. I think life is much harder for Gen Z.

The significant difference that I see now is that many youngsters are having to work more than one job.

I'll add that there were times that my husband and I helped out an adult child and partner. (DH was worried that they couldn't pay their bills.) It was only belatedly that we realised that they were much better paid than we ever were and that their financial problems were down to lifestyle choices.

They work from home but chose to live in an extremely expensive part of the country. They bought a lovely house with large garden and an an additional building which they turned into an office.

It turns out that they don't believe in buying things outright - so they took out an interest only mortgage and - at the end of the term took out yet another interest only mortgage. Their expectation is that they'll sell their house at a profit and be able to move when they retire. I guess that the plan might work.

Their very expensive car is leased. Again, that might work out for them...but they've been baled out by their parents so many times. (When they heard that we were buying our new car, they were horrified and tried to persuade my husband just to lease.)

My late husband's ex's partner once told my husband that the ex kept giving the kids money - she'd inherited a lot from a previous partner - and that my husband shouldn't make the mistake of doing the same.

I'm wondering what they'll do when they've burned through all of their inheritances. The partner's parents left a house which they've leased out so that might ease things - but they've already had issues and repairs because of tenants. Maybe they'll just give up the house they're paying interest on and move into the inherited house.

They've already had their monetary inheritance from my husband. I suspect that they expected more - they waited a month before cashing their cheque: presumably they were getting legal advice. I only knew that it had been cashed when the bank phoned me to check that I wasn't being scammed. (This delayed the money being paid when the cheque was eventually presented.)

The following year I sent a cheque as a wedding present from my deceased husband. They cashed that cheque the day they got it.

Now, they'll have to rely on what they get when their mother goes - assuming she doesn't land in a care home.

I think that - as others have suggested previously - some people are just too used to being looked after by their parents. (These aren't youngsters: they'll be generation X.)

I don't think that things were necessarily easier for previous generations. Each generation has its challenges. But I do think life is much harder for people in their 20s now than it was for me in my 20s thirty years ago.

As I've said on other threads, I think that there's this false idea that previous generations had it easy.

My dad managed to pay for a one bedroom flat - he saved up so that he could get married and waited until his mid-thirties. It had an inside toilet but no bathroom. He lost it when the council purchased it for a ridiculously low amount of money in 1972.

I managed to get a mortgage for a 2 bedroom house when I started working in 1987. It took me 27 years to pay it off.

To this day, most of the house still has the carpets laid by the original owner in the 1970s and most of the furniture is second-hand. Not everyone had it easy, and - as I've said before - only certain parts of the UK experienced an economic boom. It certainly didn't happen in my part of Scotland.

Not only do I totally agree with your original post, but I definitely agree with this comment. I'm going through this with 31yo DC at the moment. Except I have recently actually told her how I'm feeling. I am sick to death of tiptoeing around her, and making myself upset in the process. She once again asked for me money (works 2 jobs, has a mortgage) recently, and unfortunately I lost my shit. Everything I kept bottled up since she graduated (10yrs ago) came out, and now she's pulled the MH card on me. I also am not minimising MH problems AT ALL, but it just seems very convenient to me at the moment.

I think life is much tougher for young people now than it was when I was in my twenties.

Massive student debt but far too few graduate jobs. A serious housing crisis/lack of affordable rental properties that has resulted in many people having to live with their parents well into adulthood. Not to mention those who have ended up homeless. A failure to invest properly in our education system. A much tougher housing market which makes it far harder for young people to get on the housing ladder because house prices have risen so much faster than wages. The loss of opportunities to study and work in Europe because of Brexit. The damage that Brexit has done to our overall economy and young people's future prospects. A complete failure to tackle the mental health problems for young people that exploded during the pandemic. A failure to invest in properly in maintaining and modernising our national health service. The ongoing impact of Tory austerity across so many of our public services. The prospect of having to work well into old age before they will be able to claim their state pensions. The threats posed by climate change. And so on.

My take is that nowadays, we acknowledge that depression and anxiety exist, rather than trying to hide MH problems, as frequently happened in the past. That acknowledgement and the fact that having counseling/taking medication is no longer considered shameful, is extremely healthy.

But, having an illness isn’t a “get out of jail free” card for life’s responsibilities. Many people are diagnosed and take medication for anxiety, for example, but they still go to work, pay their bills, look after their families, etc. The help they receive enables them to do this, just as taking insulin enables a diabetic to function. Yes, a few people are genuinely too ill to function, but it’s important to try or life will pass you by.

And yet we have the saddest generation ever. Youngsters on anti depressants in more numbers than ever before. I’m constantly reading about young people unhappy, unable to cope with everyday life and even deciding that school is too much. Could it be that pulling weight, helping out, being expected to entertain themselves, handle their own friendships and take school punishment without complaining might actually be good for us? That totally child centred rearing and parental involvement in all thei activities isn’t the healthiest? My kids were told that we were a team who all had a part to play and if they didn’t feel like doing their chores, tough, we all have to do things we don’t feel like.

.

I'm not saying I was a model parent. Or indeed that my parents were model parents. But whether we like it or not, kids do reflect our own behaviour back at us.

I've also worked a lot with young people over the years, and in my experience, if they are treated with genuine respect and consideration, then they typically reciprocate.

Sadly, I think the current generation of younger people probably feel shafted by older generations. And why wouldn't they?

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack
I don’t expect duty and deference either, and actually my adult children are very kind and considerate by nature, as are lots of others. I’ve worked with young people for many years though, and there does seem to be a shift in attitudes towards older generations, which doesn’t mean all young people are entitled, necessarily; it’s more complex than that. Good for you if you were brought up by model parents and consequently became a model parent to a model child; it’s not always as simple as that for us mere mortals.

@TomatoSandwiches Those are great metaphors and I think it’s true in some cases that adult children ignore/are oblivious to the fact that their parents are individuals in their own rights with their own wants and needs!

When they’re actual children, parents do need to revolve around their children like planets nurturing and providing for them, but in healthy relationships, this changes when the children become adults. Emotional support should always be there, but adults need to acknowledge that their parents have their own lives too.

I don't expect deference or duty from my adult dc. And my parents never expected deference or duty from me either. They did expect courtesy, respect and consideration, and they consistently modelled those same qualities in their interactions with me. I tried to bring up my daughter in the same way. And she is consistently courteous, respectful and considerate.

I think it's easy to complain about generational trends, but there are plenty of young people out there who are not in the slightest bit "entitled". Caring about their mental health and raising their expectations really doesn't lead to a lack of gratitude or respect. If there is a problem, then I would suggest that it lies elsewhere.

I read something the other day about how children sometimes grow up thinking that their parents/mum are there for them, they don't necessarily see mum as her own person herself just a planet revolving around them the "star" a bit Luke main character syndrome.
I think modelling reciprocity was mentioned as one of the remedies which makes sense, but the conversation was around late primary aged children.

Can I just say, I’ve worked many many customer service and hospitality jobs and the most entitled people were pretty much always boomer generation. Snapping fingers, shouting and huffing and always so entitled as well! So maybe it’s not a generation thing, maybe it’s just that all generations have their rude people and it’s nothing to do with age at all!

Absolutely this^^

I really enjoy how in this post you've said that your mum said/thought exactly the same as you do about raising children, but that rather than this showing an unchanging generational cycle, it must be that you were right and justified to feel that way, but that she was wrong!