To think adult children are becoming more entitled?

I think sometimes the hate us just for being married to their parent.

I can relate to a lot of what you say, except I have sons. My eldest was just like this when he was mid-late 20’s, now 10 years on, happily married with children he has matured into a wonderful son. Phones regularly (they live a couple of hours drive away), kind and thoughtful. I think that he has realised how it is when you are working and have young children, life is busy and parents make mistakes, even when they are trying to do their best. Hopefully your DD will appreciate you more in time.

@QueenofDestruction That sounds familiar. I was the breadwinner. Also, DH's health meant that I had to organise the presents etc.

One time, DH reminded his adult (very well paid kids) of my birthday. A bouquet of flowers arrived. My poor husband was so pleased: "What's on the card?"

The flowers were from his lovely sister, together with a beautiful birthday card.

One birthday card arrived from the kids - initially signed by the DIL with her name and the son's. Underneath, in a different colour of biro, was the name of the daughter and grandchild.

DH looked at it dumbfounded: "What's wrong? Could they not afford another a stamp?"

PS No, I wasn't the other woman. DH's ex is currently with her 4th partner.

Sorry step for steparent as often not an actual parent so supposed to be shorthand without upsetting actual parents. Not done to confuse but harder to accept the expectation of presents and paying for everything when it's your spouses adult child and you are the person who earns the money e.g spouse out of work or too,ill to work. There is even less chance of any reciprocity or appreciation then. I have said no more presents or anything I am not paying anymore. This year the working adult daughter got hundreds of pounds off us. I Paid and she didn't even send my spouse a birthday card fine if I got ignored. I also reciprocated with my parents and fine if I never get thanked but the parent deserves some thought but the this bank has closed- no more presents, meals, loans etc.Her issues with money are no longer my problem, my spouse can deal,if not I am quite happy and solvent on my own.I still got the goldigger and you are stealing my inheritance when it was all mine before I married , Thankfully have airtight will in favour of my niece

I think they're referring to marriages where there is a blended family?

I've not had this with my adult children yet and also it's not unique. I think we've all heard of entitled 20-somethings, many of us now and also back when we were 20-somethings. I don't it's happening more now, just that we hear more about it, just like I don't think there are more entitled 40 or 50 somethings than ever, and yet the internet seems to full of stories of them.

I think it's part personal temperament, part processing childhood and learning how to communicate at that adult level with parents, part environment including peers and who they're close to (I know I had a few really shitty friends in my 20s that pushed me to be more negative like them), and more. I don't think it's 'generational' - generational theory may be a bit of fun, it's still BS with as much substance as a newspaper horoscope - though age and cognitive development plays a role.

I think one of the things my parents did wisely that I followed was that they never said they 'did their best' or anything remotely similar to it. We all know no one does their best all the time, and the relationship between my father and I (who raised me solo for a long while) improved substantially when he was just open that yeah, he put other things first and he was sorry for the times he did that where it hurt me. It didn't matter that what I was hurt by could be seen as minor or even whether he could remember certain events, it was just enough that he recognised his limitations, that his actions had hurt me, and that my pain was worth acknowledging.

too many everyone gets a prize. too much allowing bad behaviour with gentle parenting bollocks. too many parents think that their children must have some sort of mental health problem and giving it a "D" label of some sort. and what does this achieve. 1 in 4 under 25 on disability benefits.

This is a stat mix-up - 25% of the general population have a disability, most getting no disability benefit. 7% of under 25s get disability benefit.

Both of these are increasing largely from improving healthcare where people survive and live on with disabilities that not long ago would kill someone. The percent of the population with a disability is going to increase as our population ages, as the only thing between any person and them acquiring a disability is time and luck.

I grew up at a time and place where parents largely self-medicated their mental health problems with alcohol or other drugs, though some got prescriptions that songs were written about - 'mother's little helpers' and the like. Kids on the other hand were definitely not spared the rod, there was nothing gentle about what was going on, and even with repeated assessments usually done by schools, they would rarely be told any 'D label' unless it required medication or hospitalisation. It was considered 'limiting' and that our parents and schools just needed to be harder on us. Having seen my kids far better supported than I was, and not make the same painful mistakes I made because they have that support, know more about themselves, and accept themselves (unlike me, I hated myself at their ages and constantly pushing myself way too hard to make up for everything I'd been was a flaw I should have overcome by now), I don't think the outcome is so bad even with some of them being entitled. It's absolutely not lead to disability benefits in under 25s growing as high as some media outlets would have you believe.

I think it’s possible to give too much attention OP. I was brought up not to be the centre of attention, and when I was around people with children (before I had mine) it grated when people were so distracted and focused on their kids with with me that they couldn’t give me their full attention.

From the start my two played independently. I didn’t play with them, except for board/card games occasionally and I read to them. But they occupied themselves/each other and would never interrupt when guests were round. I think from an early age they learned that their parents/adults had things they needed to do too, so it wasn’t all about them.

They’ve had the odd moan about their childhoods on occasion but they’ve never mentioned feeling neglected. So don’t worry about teaching your Dd some manners - she won’t hold it against you. And we always banned any talking during films!

I'm sorry but no, I'm reading comments of how hard it is for young adults now? There's also a world of opportunity out there. We bought our first mid terrace house at 25 , worked hard whilst my parents let us stay a few years to save. We did without holidays etc and luxuries.
Even at times I've not had a lot of money in the bank, I would never expect my parents to just pay and assume this, it's extremely rude! & my parents are now quite well off. Although I was brought up on a council estate and I do think having less sometimes brings out the best in people and their values , appreciation of things and being less materialistic for the majority. I'm surprised because as you say she's not been brought up like this.

Think about how steps feel when adult children expect their none working parent to pay for everything so that means the step they don't like, talk to or ever thank.does.

Thank you I didn’t intend to bash you either- I hope you have a lovely Christmas and definitely make her get you a coffee!

A friend has shared an unbelievable example of entitlement today, it’s so ridiculous that it’s funny. Her DD’s (21) high school contacted students from her year to say that this is their last chance to purchase school photos from their final school year (2022). The photos are expensive and guess how many her DD wants Mum to buy…20. The total cost is nearly $1,000 apparently!

Her DD can’t understand why she doesn’t want to buy so many. 🤣

I suppose I just saw some things in your post and related to it as a daughter and thought there could be more to it that you can’t see- if you can’t communicate even over not paying anymore then I don’t think you really are as close as you are otherwise this wouldn’t be an issue? Anyway she could just be totally entitled, or it could be a mix, if you sit down and discuss it you’re more likely to get an answer than coming online and saying ‘kids today!’

I’ve been watching another thread on here :
‘If you’re a parent of an adult child who has gone NC with you, do you know why?’
The parents who have spoken out have been dismissed and treated quite brutally - by one poster in particular.
There is a big difference between abusive parents and imperfect parents. Many young adults today are very well versed in therapy speak - I like that there are names for things like gaslighting etc, however, not every parent is a narcissist (can only be diagnosed by a qualified professional) yet the term is used constantly on MN about parents.
I also think that social media is making some people quite unhinged.

Stop paying for her every time. I had to point out to my adult DCs that they earned good money now ( and I'm now on a pension) so we should take turns buying coffee/snacks (unless it's a birthday or special treat).

She won't understand your parenting of her until she has DC of her own (and she needs your help!)

Probably all DC that age go through a knobhead stage where they think they know everything and you're an idiot. It's like second teenage years.

I get that but my Mum would probably post this on here and say nothing serious happened, so when one person is giving one side it’s hard to say you’re 100% right because yes I do tend to fly off the handle at small stuff, because I’ve been through the big stuff and had to hide my anger so now anything small often causes a quick reaction due to suppressed anger. She would come on her and say ‘nothing happened we always fed her and supported her and she got good grades’ but that all happened despite her not because of her if you see what I mean?

She does sound like a shocker. I’m sorry you went though that. It’s a completely different magnitude to the things my friend relates.

It sounds like you’d be banging your head against a brick wall with her. Well done on breaking the chain.

It doesn’t sound like OP has been the kind of mother you were afflicted with though and the critical sniping must be very hurtful.

Totally agree with this. But how do we call it out without being crucified? You've only got to read some of the comments on MN where a mother has posted about raising her voice to her DC and everyone loses their shit at her

Agree, anyone who says they "put food on the table" as if it's something to be praised sets off a huge klaxon in my head.