AIBU to have left my parents’ house without saying goodbye

This. Because in my experience such retired people will also then start fannying around and make you late. All parties will get narked off.

They will still have the info on where you are upon waking up, so of course you just leave.

It seems that so many people here have weird relationships with their families, especially older parents.
I have a very good relationship with mine, and so they would have been up giving us a hand making breakfast or getting the DCs ready.

In this scenario, if they had still been in bed i would have taken them a cup of tea between 8 and 8:15 and said goodbye properly, because i like them and they like me.

this is MN where YMMV

I’ve just knocked gently in the past, then if people don’t answer, gone and left a note. And it was 8.25, not 5am!

Jeez, they’d just hosted the OP and her family and it sounds like they were just upset not to say goodbye. No need to be so horrible! I’m not sure I’d invite you back if you sent this to me.

I’d probably go with “Yes sorry not to say goodbye, but we were short on time and we weren’t sure whether to wake you- next time we’ll knock just before we leave. Thanks for a lovely time.”

But then I quite like my family and would like to see them again 🤷‍♀️

Not if the other person in this room of yours is asleep, you don't.

Surely that works both ways. In a caring family surely they should get up to say goodbye to their daughter...

I wouldn’t have knocked because who wants to wake up two retired peoole who don’t normally wake for another hour unnecessarily? The OP’s parents knew when she was leaving because she’d told them the night before. Waking them up unnecessarily to tell them again she was leaving was needless and needlessly disruptive.

"If you wanted to say goodbye, you should have got up instead of lying in bed wasting the day. We told you we were leaving at the late morning time of 0830."

Don't give it another thought.

Yeah, it’s not that the parents didn’t know where she was, it’s that they were probably sad not to say goodbye and sad to come down to a completely empty house on their own with no note/ text.

Being in a caring family means reading between the lines sometimes.

Imagine you are in a room with someone and you tell them that you have to go at 8:30. When you get to 8:30 do you just get up and go. Or do you say "Must be off now, Lovely to see you, Bye." This is the same.
I know OP told them the night before but it's still nice to leave a message. It doesn't take long.

well I'd have knocked at about 8am and told them we were leaving in half an hour.
the least you could have done was left a note

But you wanted to make a point because you're salty about all the 8am "good afternoons" right? Get off your high horse

They’re grumpy because they know they’re in the wrong and want to shift the blame. Leave them to stew. Don’t pander to it. YANBU.

They knew the OP had gone to the event though? Why did she need to leave a note explaining they had gone when it would be clear she had left when they got up after the time she told them they would be leaving?

But the parents already knew that because the OP had told them the night before. It’s not as though she vanished either no explanation.

You did nothing wrong, you were clear with them when you needed to leave. I would not wake sleeping people!

This. It would have taken a minute to write a friendly "Just to let you know: we've gone. Didn't want to wake you. Have a lovely day."

Because they were by all accounts still asleep and they knew where and what time the OP was going in the morning so no need for a text.

Why didn’t you just pop your head into their bedroom and say bye? Or send a quick text saying bye?

YANBU.

They weren’t up, what did they expect you to do exactly.

I think when you have a baby there is often this sudden crossover with retired parents - where you’re up at dawn, and they’re getting used to having a lie in as nowhere to be in the mornings.

I often get frustrated at family events having been up since 5.30 when everyone else appears at 10 and starts discussing what shall we do for breakfast. I’ve had half a day by then…!

Oh and yes, if I decided not to knock on the door (if it was a bit earlier) I would 100% have left a note or texted from the car to say goodbye and thanks.

Explaining what OP had already told them in person, twice?

I'd have left a note, but it was fine to go. It's not like they hadn't had warning.

I would have popped my head round the bedroom door with a cup of tea

I think I would have popped up 5 mins before leaving and knocked on the door (I’d assume this was about 8.25 so I imagine they’d be up) just to say a quick goodbye. I do think it’s a bit rude TBH but I wouldn’t be annoyed if I had guests and knew they would be late otherwise.

But sounds a bit odd all round TBH like it’s a competition to be the most virtue signalling early riser.

I would have texted, but you aren't being unreasonable. Presumably they heard you moving around getting everyone else up and out, they could have come out if they wanted to!!