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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to have left my parents’ house without saying goodbye

136 replies

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 08:32

Until lockdown my parents were proud early risers. They regarded lying in as utter laziness. Anything later than 6:30 was indulgent, and after 8:00 was greeted with a ‘good afternoon’ and a warning that we were missing the best part of the day. They retired just before lockdown and during lockdown they turned into proper night owls and are not up until after 9:00. They don’t seem to realise this though and still say what larks they are and how early they get up.

This weekend my husband and baby were all at my parents house, and I said that we’d need to leave at 8:30 on Sunday because we had tickets to an event and needed to get there on time. They replied ‘oh well you know us, we’re up with the larks’ and similar when I reminded them before bedtime we’d be leaving at 8:30. Predictably when we were leaving they weren’t up and there was no signs that they were awake so we left to go the event. I had a text asking where we are, and when I said we’d left my mum said it would have been nice to say goodbye and hasn’t engaged with the photos I sent of the event, and hasn’t messaged her Wordle score to me either (which sounds small but we both have a 1000 day streak and have sent our results to each other since the pre NYT days) so I’m pretty sure she’s grumpy with me. My dad has also been quiet and not replied to the photos in the group chat either. It’s making me feel bad but i don’t know what else I could do because the event was expensive and a sellout so I couldn’t rearrange or let it go.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 15/12/2025 09:38

Presumably you text or left a note saying everyone was in bed when we left. See you soon?

CalculatingCrispen · 15/12/2025 09:33

Lurker85 · 15/12/2025 09:26

They’re probably just embarrassed and angry at their feathers being plucked. By leaving when they are still asleep, you have revealed them to not be the larks they are so proud of being 🤣

Agree!

Some people are so proud of being early risers, no-one ever says proudly "oh I sleep until 10am, me! Midday if I am really going for it" (apart from my son...)

Lurker85 · 15/12/2025 09:26

They’re probably just embarrassed and angry at their feathers being plucked. By leaving when they are still asleep, you have revealed them to not be the larks they are so proud of being 🤣

PinkyFlamingo · 15/12/2025 09:25

I don't understand why you are feeling bad?

ShawnaMacallister · 15/12/2025 09:25

I'd have knocked on their door to wake them and say goodbye personally. I'm sure they didn't mean to oversleep and would they have minded?

schoolfriend · 15/12/2025 09:23

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 08:58

It seems that so many people here have weird relationships with their families, especially older parents.
I have a very good relationship with mine, and so they would have been up giving us a hand making breakfast or getting the DCs ready.

In this scenario, if they had still been in bed i would have taken them a cup of tea between 8 and 8:15 and said goodbye properly, because i like them and they like me.

this is MN where YMMV

Show quote history

In this scenario, if they had still been in bed i would have taken them a cup of tea between 8 and 8:15 and said goodbye properly, because i like them and they like me.

In this scenario I wouldn't have woken them up, because I like them (and they like me) and I would assume they wanted the extra sleep (otherwise they'd have set al alarm).

Italiandreams · 15/12/2025 09:23

I would have assumed that as they knew what time you were leaving , they weren’t bothered about a big goodbye. Personally if people were staying at my house and leaving at 8:30 I would have made sure I was up to say goodbye. It’s fine that weren’t , as a guest I wouldn’t be bothered but I would also not think to wake them as I would assume they had made the choice to sleep.

figud · 15/12/2025 09:23

I think how you responded to her first message is important/if you text her first/left a note. If Id made a choice to not wake my mum and she’d then said I wish you had, I’d be apologetic. I’m not talking about grovelling but an acknowledgment that I made the wrong call + thank you for having us etc. Your whole ‘up with larks’ thing sounds a little defensive.

BunnyLake · 15/12/2025 09:22

Mumofoneandone · 15/12/2025 09:17

You knock quietly on their bedroom door and go in and whisper goodbye or you leave a little note.
I wouldn't disturb my parents if it was ridiculously early but 8.30 isn't!
You've been quite rude and whilst your parents being sulky isn't ideal, you've upset them by your actions.
If you were staying with friends would you just 'walk out'?!

Why would they have not set an alarm and got up themselves to see off their own daughter and gc? They’ve been calling the shots for too long imo.

collectkdsasmed · 15/12/2025 09:22

What did she say when you reminded her you needed to be gone at 8.30am and you didn’t want to wake them?

schoolfriend · 15/12/2025 09:21

How odd. They knew when you were leaving, if they wanted to be up they should have set an alarm. I wouldn't have woken them either, that would have felt rude.

MyLimeGuide · 15/12/2025 09:21

It's not a big deal. They will get over it 🙂

SunnySideDeepDown · 15/12/2025 09:20

“How can I say goodbye when you’re still asleep! Mum, you had a lie in, that’s fine, but don’t pretend you were awake when you weren’t”.

I hate families that pussy foot around each other, and even worse, hypocrites. You did nothing wrong, they need to get over themselves and stop outright lying which is what they’re doing.

Tiswa · 15/12/2025 09:19

It all depends on (and only you can answer this) whether not waking them up was being petty. Whether it was a genuine we are leaving or whether years of resentment about been made to feel like you were lazy getting up after 8 and you were making a point.

I don’t blame you if you were making a point but a starting point is working out if you were or not

BunnyLake · 15/12/2025 09:19

CandyCaneKisses · 15/12/2025 08:35

Sod them. I can not be arsed to pander to sulking parents.

Or sulking anyone. Will never pander to sulks.

Just leave them to it and carry on as normal.

If it were my son and gc leaving I’d have set an alarm and got up, I wouldn’t expect them to have to wake me!

Mumofoneandone · 15/12/2025 09:17

You knock quietly on their bedroom door and go in and whisper goodbye or you leave a little note.
I wouldn't disturb my parents if it was ridiculously early but 8.30 isn't!
You've been quite rude and whilst your parents being sulky isn't ideal, you've upset them by your actions.
If you were staying with friends would you just 'walk out'?!

Lurker85 · 15/12/2025 09:17

You did nothing wrong and there was no need to pop your head round the door or leave a note or any of that other crap.
You told them what time you were leaving, they didn’t turn up at that time to say goodbye. They essentially stood you up.
If I was them I’d be apologising, not angry.

Libre2 · 15/12/2025 09:16

A. What does YMMV mean?
B. Why is everyone flouncing off? This is a very flouncy thread.
C. OP if this were me I would have left a tongue in cheek note saying “good afternoon! Thanks for a lovely time. Chat soon”. If your usual relationship is good with your parents and you can face it, just swallow your pride, ring them and apologise for evidently hurting their feelings. No, you were not in the wrong but sometimes the path of least resistance is the right one to take.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 15/12/2025 09:12

“You knew what time we were leaving. If saying goodbye was so important to you, maybe you could have got up in time to do so. Not aware of a species of lark that stays in bed till gone 9am, but there we go.”

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 09:09

senua · 15/12/2025 09:03

this is MN where YMMV
We also have to remember that this is MN where there seems to be a current trend of rile-them-up threads by first time posters.
I'm out.

Fair. I'm out too.

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 09:08

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 08:58

It seems that so many people here have weird relationships with their families, especially older parents.
I have a very good relationship with mine, and so they would have been up giving us a hand making breakfast or getting the DCs ready.

In this scenario, if they had still been in bed i would have taken them a cup of tea between 8 and 8:15 and said goodbye properly, because i like them and they like me.

this is MN where YMMV

Show quote history

Nope. Good relationship. Can't speak for everyone else on mumsnet, but I'm assuming if they were staying at the parents' house, the OP's good too.

But if people aren't up, I'm not dealing with them if I'm busy getting my kids out the door for an event. Especially if they're likely to make a fuss about what larks they are.

They can make each other tea when they get up.

senua · 15/12/2025 09:03

this is MN where YMMV
We also have to remember that this is MN where there seems to be a current trend of rile-them-up threads by first time posters.
I'm out.

diddl · 15/12/2025 09:03

Was the event something that they would be interested in seeing about?

It seems to me a bit like rubbing their noses in why you didn't say goodbye?

I'm no explaining it well I know!

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 09:02

jesus - the famous MN ageism doesn't take long to rear it's head.

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 09:02

If they were that bothered they would of gotten up a bit eariler, one day wouldn’t of killed them.

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