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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have left my parents’ house without saying goodbye

136 replies

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 08:32

Until lockdown my parents were proud early risers. They regarded lying in as utter laziness. Anything later than 6:30 was indulgent, and after 8:00 was greeted with a ‘good afternoon’ and a warning that we were missing the best part of the day. They retired just before lockdown and during lockdown they turned into proper night owls and are not up until after 9:00. They don’t seem to realise this though and still say what larks they are and how early they get up.

This weekend my husband and baby were all at my parents house, and I said that we’d need to leave at 8:30 on Sunday because we had tickets to an event and needed to get there on time. They replied ‘oh well you know us, we’re up with the larks’ and similar when I reminded them before bedtime we’d be leaving at 8:30. Predictably when we were leaving they weren’t up and there was no signs that they were awake so we left to go the event. I had a text asking where we are, and when I said we’d left my mum said it would have been nice to say goodbye and hasn’t engaged with the photos I sent of the event, and hasn’t messaged her Wordle score to me either (which sounds small but we both have a 1000 day streak and have sent our results to each other since the pre NYT days) so I’m pretty sure she’s grumpy with me. My dad has also been quiet and not replied to the photos in the group chat either. It’s making me feel bad but i don’t know what else I could do because the event was expensive and a sellout so I couldn’t rearrange or let it go.

OP posts:

Izzywizzy85 · 15/12/2025 10:48

bleakmidwintering · 15/12/2025 10:43

‘Didn’t want to wake you. Thanks for a lovely weekend. Apologies, we had to leave early for the event. Love you’

You don’t have to dissect their apparent laziness ( they are retired ffs!)on a thread on Mumsnet. What is wrong with people these days?

I don’t think the op is dissecting their laziness, she’s pointing out the bloody hypocrisy of them! They sound sanctimonious, I reckon that’s why they’re annoyed.

SparkleSpriteDust · 15/12/2025 10:48

I definitely would have knocked on the bedroom door as I was leaving to say goodbye.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/12/2025 10:45

Daysgo · 15/12/2025 08:35

I presume you left a note on kitchen table explaining?

Why? OP had told them that they were leaving at 8.30 am so it's hardly going to be an unsolvable mystery when OP's parents get up after 8.30 am and find that OP and her family have already left.

bleakmidwintering · 15/12/2025 10:43

‘Didn’t want to wake you. Thanks for a lovely weekend. Apologies, we had to leave early for the event. Love you’

You don’t have to dissect their apparent laziness ( they are retired ffs!)on a thread on Mumsnet. What is wrong with people these days?

PInkyStarfish · 15/12/2025 10:39

I would have tapped on the bedroom door and called, “We’re off now….”

diddl · 15/12/2025 10:35

If you would usually have sent a text perhaps that is why they are miffed?

If I'm leaving before people will be up we say our goodbyes the night before.

Even if they say they'll be up I usually do this just in case they don't get up!

Original poster

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 10:32

I meant to send a text but didn’t. By the time the baby was in the car, maps was set up and we were on our way, it had slipped my mind. I didn’t knock because I’d be really uncomfortable to. My parents’ room was a childfree zone growing up, and so I I still have that invisible no entry sign in my head!

I’m also not saying I’m a virtuous early riser now! If my baby slept beyond 5:30 I would too.

OP posts:

Izzywizzy85 · 15/12/2025 10:20

I’d have been tempted to reply “good afternoon! Sorry we missed you, didn’t want to disturb your lovely long lie in though.” 😆

Tillow4ever · 15/12/2025 10:16

I’d have been tempted to reply that I shouted goodbye as I was leaving but got no reply so I assumed they were asleep.

if they were awake they’ll have to admit that and that would mean they deliberately didn’t get up to see you off (knowing what time you were leaving) which makes them dicks, or of they were asleep as you believed due to no signs of them being awake, they’ll have to concede maybe they are no longer “up with the larks”.

I get why you left quietly, I think I probably would have shouted up to them that we were off now, or sent a text at 8:20am saying just getting past bits ready to go, thanks for having us and see you soon. That way if they were awake they’ll had a few mins to come out of the bedroom to say goodbye.

nomas · 15/12/2025 10:16

Bring it on in the open. Text them both saying 'I'm getting the sense you're both upset with me. I did say a couple of times yesterday that we need to leave at 8.30am on the dot to make it on time for our event. As it is, we only just made it on time. We did look for you to say goodbye. Would you prefer me to come in to your room next time to say goodbye?'

CautiousLurker2 · 15/12/2025 10:12

They were being incredibly rude, knowing you were leaving by 830, not to get themselves up. Crappy hosts, selfish parents.

When my InLaws leave after xmas, they leave around 8.30. My teens are rarely up before midday over the holidays but set alarms and make sure they are up for the 5-10 mins it takes to reiterate thanks for gifts, give hugs and wave goodbye. Your parents were BU not to have done the same.

Has it taken you this long to tune into the fact that they’ve always been passive aggressive and controlling? If so, let it go.

Tdcp · 15/12/2025 10:08

They knew what time you were leaving, they should have gotten out of bed if they wanted to say goodbye. This is their deal just let them get on with it.

skyeisthelimit · 15/12/2025 10:04

You had told them the time that you were leaving, so the onus was on them to be up by that time to see you off. Presumably you had already said "thanks for having us etc". Hopefully you reminded them of that when she threw a strop.

You couldn't make yourselves late for a ticketed event just because they couldn't be bothered to get up.

CloudBuster66 · 15/12/2025 09:58

Yes they're having a massive sulk. What big babies.

The only thing is, I would have knocked on their bedroom door and shouted goodbye. It's hilarious that they've completely switched from being larks to lying in till 9 yet they still insist that they're early risers 😂

EnterFunnyNameHere · 15/12/2025 09:58

From an outside perspective, it feels like it could have been sorted with an "oh, sorry, I thought you were aiming for a lie in as you didn't seem to be up so tried to sneak out without waking you!" type reply - but might be too late for that now... I guess you either leave them to it, or just try to clear the air... something like "I'm sorry if we upset you by leaving without saying goodbye, we thought you might be having a lie in as we hadn't heard you get up and thought we were being kind by leaving quietly" or something?

rwalker · 15/12/2025 09:54

Did you leave a note or text ?
if not a bit rude but not worthy of a fallout

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/12/2025 09:50

‘Sorry, but I did tell you we’d have to leave early, and I really didn’t want to wake you up.’
If they still choose to sulk, so be it.

Solost92 · 15/12/2025 09:50

Surely you replied "we told you we had to leave at 8.30 and you were still in bed" and that's the end of it. Flip it on them, be annoyed with them they couldn't be arsed to get out of bed and say goodbye.

Driftingawaynow · 15/12/2025 09:46

How childish and rude of them to blank you. You’ve done nothing wrong.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 15/12/2025 09:46

I can't imagine leaving my parents home without saying goodbye to them. However I can't imagine not getting up to say goodbye to visitors when they were leaving.

HatAndScarf33 · 15/12/2025 09:43

I'd have left them a note or messaged them just saying that you had to go as planned and didn't want to wake them and thanks etc... I think just to leave with no goodbye - written or text message, probably felt a bit cold.

They're being precious about it though. They knew when you were leading and didn't set alarms to make sure they were up and about, which is fine, but they can't then be surprised that you left when you said you were going to.

Luxio · 15/12/2025 09:43

HoskinsChoice · 15/12/2025 09:38

This. Perfectly acceptable to leave early but very rude not to say thanks and bye in a quick note. The waffle about what time they get up is entirely irrelevant.

Show quote history

Surely if we're thinking about what is very rude then it's the OPs parents who were very rude for saying they would be up and then not bothering to set and alarm to say goodbye...

No need for a note when they knew what time she would be leaving.

Sartre · 15/12/2025 09:42

Of course YANBU. You told them the day before when you’d be leaving, it was up to them to get up if they wanted to see you off. It would have been rude to walk into their bedroom and wake them.

Franjipanl8r · 15/12/2025 09:40

You told them what time you were leaving and they didn’t bother waking up. Are your parents always grumpy with you over incredibly petty things like this? You seem like you’re treading on eggshells worrying about something’s that’s a very minor issue.