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Original poster

AIBU to have left my parents’ house without saying goodbye

136 replies

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 08:32

Until lockdown my parents were proud early risers. They regarded lying in as utter laziness. Anything later than 6:30 was indulgent, and after 8:00 was greeted with a ‘good afternoon’ and a warning that we were missing the best part of the day. They retired just before lockdown and during lockdown they turned into proper night owls and are not up until after 9:00. They don’t seem to realise this though and still say what larks they are and how early they get up.

This weekend my husband and baby were all at my parents house, and I said that we’d need to leave at 8:30 on Sunday because we had tickets to an event and needed to get there on time. They replied ‘oh well you know us, we’re up with the larks’ and similar when I reminded them before bedtime we’d be leaving at 8:30. Predictably when we were leaving they weren’t up and there was no signs that they were awake so we left to go the event. I had a text asking where we are, and when I said we’d left my mum said it would have been nice to say goodbye and hasn’t engaged with the photos I sent of the event, and hasn’t messaged her Wordle score to me either (which sounds small but we both have a 1000 day streak and have sent our results to each other since the pre NYT days) so I’m pretty sure she’s grumpy with me. My dad has also been quiet and not replied to the photos in the group chat either. It’s making me feel bad but i don’t know what else I could do because the event was expensive and a sellout so I couldn’t rearrange or let it go.

OP posts:
Blablibladirladada · 15/12/2025 18:52

Maybe go in the bedroom and say goodbye IF it is something you kind used to! I wouldn’t start that now but defo say goodbye before leaving so if I had to…I would have.

Alliod40 · 15/12/2025 17:39

Christ almighty..why didn't you just pop your head in to say goodbye or go in with a cuppa to them before you left..my mother dropped dead suddenly.. I was the last person she spoke to the night before as she always rang me before she settled down for the night..she died the next morning at 7.30 am just after making her coffee for the day..please don't let this disagreement go on over something so silly

LaurieFairyCake · 15/12/2025 16:51

They’re just defensive because actually they’re not ‘larks’ anymore and they hate being reminded of that fact.

JHound · 15/12/2025 13:28

It’s weird to leave without saying anything imo. I would have at least knocked their door and said I was off

TappaMcFeety · 15/12/2025 13:13

How ridiculous to be this worked up as to whether your parents are early risers or not! You sound irritated by them in general so maybe it’s time to have some space for you all. And yes you were rude to just go without saying bye or sending a text but then you wanted to prove your point clearly!

getsomehelp · 15/12/2025 13:00

Hello, thanks for having us over night. Finished the myth of “up with the lark then ?”. We decided not to disturb you
Thanks again love…..

Ineffable23 · 15/12/2025 12:51

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 10:32

I meant to send a text but didn’t. By the time the baby was in the car, maps was set up and we were on our way, it had slipped my mind. I didn’t knock because I’d be really uncomfortable to. My parents’ room was a childfree zone growing up, and so I I still have that invisible no entry sign in my head!

I’m also not saying I’m a virtuous early riser now! If my baby slept beyond 5:30 I would too.

In that case, surely you just send a message saying "Ah, sorry - I meant to text but it completely slipped my mind once we were in the car as the baby took some wrangling! We didn't want to wake you so just headed off at 8:30 as planned so we didn't end up late for <insert event here>. If you'd rather we knocked and woke you if it happens again, just let me know."

Then it vanishes into the past and everyone can forget about it?

TinselTitts · 15/12/2025 11:44

Tulipsriver · 15/12/2025 11:41

They should have set an alarm but it seems a bit odd not to go up and knock to tell them you're leaving in 5, or at the very least to leave a note.

This is what makes me think the OP was hoping this would happen, because she's carrying all the 'Up with the lark' annoyance inside.

I think she was probably hoping to quietly leave before they were up, so she could prove some sort of point.

Fair enough but I expect her parents can see this and the OP doesn't want to admit it.

It's all a bit silly really.

Tulipsriver · 15/12/2025 11:41

They should have set an alarm but it seems a bit odd not to go up and knock to tell them you're leaving in 5, or at the very least to leave a note.

Frazzledmummy123 · 15/12/2025 11:37

This is more about them than you. Missing you leaving has made them feel embarrassed because of their pride in being early risers and view of sleeping past certain times as 'lazy'. They are making themselves feel better by shifting the blame onto you.

You did nothing wrong. You told them the night before what time you were leaving so if your mum wanted to be up to see you off, she should have set her alarm.

I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable putting my head in their bedroom door to say goodbye, and I'd only have left a note if it was a sudden, unexpected departure or I hadn't told them the time I was leaving.

Don't let them put their guilt on you. No excuse for the huff, but could it be that your parents forgot you told them you were leaving at that time? I don't know how old your parents are, but I know my MIL who is in her early 70s and otherwise doing ok, often forgets things I tell her like times of arriving and leaving. If they've forgotten you said 8:30, it could explain some of their annoyance, but no need for the huffiness.

TinselTitts · 15/12/2025 11:30

TorroFerney · 15/12/2025 11:26

I’d be the same, my parents room was where they fought and had loud sex (not at the same time!) I’d not want to go in. I’d not go in when I was six and vomiting I’m the middle of the night!

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I said knock on the door and shout 'Bye'.

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 11:29

CalculatingCrispen · 15/12/2025 11:18

They are hardly on their last legs from the sounds of it, if they cant be bothered/ are too exhausted to set an alarm at 8am to get up and say goodbye to their D and grandchild then they shouldnt be hosting at all

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Jesus! So just because they might not be leaping out of bed or have missed an alarm they shouldn’t host at all! Way to make a mountain out of a molehill.

I really hope you don’t have elderly relatives or get older yourself one day, and good on you for never missing an alarm even once 😆

BlondeBonBon · 15/12/2025 11:28

I wouldn’t pander to any silly behaviour

TorroFerney · 15/12/2025 11:26

TinselTitts · 15/12/2025 11:09

Yeah like I said, it's a bit weird.

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I’d be the same, my parents room was where they fought and had loud sex (not at the same time!) I’d not want to go in. I’d not go in when I was six and vomiting I’m the middle of the night!

Lurkingandlearning · 15/12/2025 11:23

Having told them what time you needed to leave, the polite thing would have been for them to get up, throw on a dressing gown and see you off.

TorroFerney · 15/12/2025 11:22

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 10:32

I meant to send a text but didn’t. By the time the baby was in the car, maps was set up and we were on our way, it had slipped my mind. I didn’t knock because I’d be really uncomfortable to. My parents’ room was a childfree zone growing up, and so I I still have that invisible no entry sign in my head!

I’m also not saying I’m a virtuous early riser now! If my baby slept beyond 5:30 I would too.

Is it making you feel uncomfortable or guilty or worried that they are sulking at you? If so, New Year’s resolution to work on that. Not your responsibility to manage their emotions as someone else has said. Do not go into fawn mode and start messaging to test the water . Leave them to it.

if I’m wide of the mark then ignore me, if I’m not then ask for the book “adult children of emotionally immature parents” by Lindsay Gibson for Christmas.

but, in answer to your question, even if you were rude ((don’t think you were) the sulking from them is not reasonable. My mums a past master at it, sulking and silent treatment , she’s got the emotional regulation skills of a lamppost.

Luxio · 15/12/2025 11:22

BlakeCarrington · 15/12/2025 11:20

They’ll get over it but it was a bit rude not to leave a note or text.

I'm really surprised by how many think the op was rude to not send a text or leave a note but fail to acknowledge how rude it was of her parents to not be up to see them off knowing what time they had to leave by.

Honestly OP you did nothing wrong in not texting them and hopefully they will be over their strop soon enough.

BlakeCarrington · 15/12/2025 11:20

They’ll get over it but it was a bit rude not to leave a note or text.

CalculatingCrispen · 15/12/2025 11:18

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 11:10

Yes but they are older, OP says that they go to bed late, they’d just been hosting for a few days which is knackering for anyone, and aren’t getting up early at the moment. I’d tend to give them the benefit of the doubt in this situation by just giving them a quick chance to say goodbye or leaving a note rather than jumping to apportion blame and make the situation worse…

Show quote history

They are hardly on their last legs from the sounds of it, if they cant be bothered/ are too exhausted to set an alarm at 8am to get up and say goodbye to their D and grandchild then they shouldnt be hosting at all

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 11:10

thepariscrimefiles · 15/12/2025 10:53

If OP's parents were sad not to say goodbye, they should have set their alarm earlier than 8.30 am to ensure that they were up in time to do this. They obviously either couldn't be bothered to do this or they wouldn't do this because it would ruin their own self image of being natural early risers and not lazy, self-indulgent late risers.

They sound really annoying, particularly if they are now being grumpy and giving OP the cold shoulder.

Show quote history

Yes but they are older, OP says that they go to bed late, they’d just been hosting for a few days which is knackering for anyone, and aren’t getting up early at the moment. I’d tend to give them the benefit of the doubt in this situation by just giving them a quick chance to say goodbye or leaving a note rather than jumping to apportion blame and make the situation worse…

TinselTitts · 15/12/2025 11:09

thepariscrimefiles · 15/12/2025 11:05

OP has said:

'I didn’t knock because I’d be really uncomfortable to. My parents’ room was a childfree zone growing up, and so I still have that invisible no entry sign in my head!'

Show quote history

Yeah like I said, it's a bit weird.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/12/2025 11:05

TinselTitts · 15/12/2025 11:01

Bit weird to not just knock on their bedroom door and shout "We're off now, bye".

OP has said:

'I didn’t knock because I’d be really uncomfortable to. My parents’ room was a childfree zone growing up, and so I still have that invisible no entry sign in my head!'

TinselTitts · 15/12/2025 11:01

Bit weird to not just knock on their bedroom door and shout "We're off now, bye".

LiveToTell · 15/12/2025 10:56

They’re the rude ones for not getting up in time to say goodbye to their guests.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/12/2025 10:53

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 08:52

Yeah, it’s not that the parents didn’t know where she was, it’s that they were probably sad not to say goodbye and sad to come down to a completely empty house on their own with no note/ text.

Being in a caring family means reading between the lines sometimes.

If OP's parents were sad not to say goodbye, they should have set their alarm earlier than 8.30 am to ensure that they were up in time to do this. They obviously either couldn't be bothered to do this or they wouldn't do this because it would ruin their own self image of being natural early risers and not lazy, self-indulgent late risers.

They sound really annoying, particularly if they are now being grumpy and giving OP the cold shoulder.

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