Feeling excluded - childs Christmas party

Wasn’t it advertised online publicly? These things normally are.

I think this one is on you. Just accept it and find another holiday activity to do.

I voted you are being unreasonable only because it's not up to them to send reminders to you.

I think unfortunately it's a lesson of others don't necessarily do the same as you do.
You give people a heads up because that's how you are as a person.
You can't expect others to be like you (even if they should be and like you, I think they should).

You're not unreasonable for feeling pee'd off or upset about it but if there's something I want to do, I put it in my calendar on my phone straight away (otherwise I'll forget about the thing) setting a reminder sometimes days before the event.

I wonder how everyone else knew about the list and op didn’t?
Maybe it really was a giant conspiracy to leave her out 😮
Even though she was there when the organiser mentioned putting their names on a list, just like everyone else…
It’s a complete mystery.

It was bad form (excuse the pun!) by the organiser to not remind people on the way out, to state where the list was and prompt them to add names.
But there was nothing to stop you seeking them out and asking on the way out either!
I'm more worried that you seem to be wanting to blame everyone but yourself.
It wasn't anyone elses responsibility to get your name on the list but you.
From your post you make it sound like you needed carrying to the list, a pen putting in your hand and some help in guiding your hand to write!
None of this was a personal sleight on you from the other mums in the group, they have their own lives.
Next year, just ask the organiser, to avoid any unnecessary drama and to make sure you put your name down.

Nobody told her about the list, no one mentioned they’d just put their name down, no one asked her if she’d made sure she’d put her name on, nobody addressed the group to say something like “last reminder, don’t forget the list!”

Her “good friend” never mentioned the list. This is the one I’d be most miffed about.

And then the organiser gave her attitude when she asked about it.

Normally there would be a buzz of excitement, what are you wearing, who’s going, the kids will have so much fun, see you at the party sort of chit chat.

Very strange.

OP you do come accross as a bit judgmental in your post, and seem to think that other people should do things for you.

Having said that rejection, even percieved rejection is quite painful emotionally and can cause defensive behaviour so I can see why you are trying to find reason in that.

It sucks that you can't go, maybe you can ask to go on the cancellation list?

There was no invite. She got the same way to join as everyone else, she just didn't add her name in time.

Nobody did anything to OP

You've misunderstood. There is no invite.

Who can she “call out” when she herself forgot to put her name on the list?

No, it’s not rocket science.
It’s very, very simple and you still haven’t understood 🤦‍♀️
How embarrassing.

Speak up for yourself and say something like “I’m not sure how I could have possibly missed the invite unless we were left out intentionally? Surely you can squeeze us in to a party seeing as we’ve been regular attendees and my money has gone towards extra treats?”

In my experience people back down when you call them out, but if you don’t you’re marked as someone who can be walked over.

She didnt get an invite ot any way to join yhe group.

The person arranging is responsible.

I arrange alot of things, the children all get a clear invite and way of attending.

Its not rocket science.

Nobody is an arsehole here. No-one did anything to OP. Nothing happened.
Everyone knew there was a party and there would be a list, other people got on the list before OP did. Likely she missed something along the way, it happens. It wasn't other attendees responsibility to get her on the list.

Don't go looking for malice where there isn't any.

Not everybody is your tribe. You and your child will be excluded from several events in the future as do other people. Now you know where you stand with this group. Find another Christmas party. As a parent, it's best to develop some emotional maturity so that your child doesn't have to manage your over the top emotions anytime somebody isn't thoughtful to you.

Nobody got a personalised invite, don’t be daft. Op didn’t put her name on the list, so didn’t get a space.

So sorry this happened.

People can be real arseholes.

You are not being unreasonable to feel upset at all.

Id be tempted to say not sure how we missed the Invite? You, as a regular, helpful member of the group should have gotten an invite.

You will move onwards and upwards from this tho, and your children are so young. Try to find a little crowd who appreciate you and treat you right.

We make people put names down in October. Despite there only being 15-20 kids per session, all 50 spots fill because many people only come every 2 or 3 weeks. We have to restrict due to space (ours is free)

Look, this is the sort of thing that happens from time to time when it's your first child.
They say "put your names down" meaning "like every year once I've said this the list will be up in the kitchen" and all the people who were around last year know that - and forget it isn't obvious if you haven't done it before.

I remember several events like that with dd1, and with dd2 I was translating them for other parents for whom it was their first time.

And you're thinking "it wouldn't matter if they just squeezed in little me." But there may be a fire limit on size of room, they may have another ten people who would feel just as entitled, or they may just not want more people.
It's not something against you. It's simply you didn't pick up on what was obvious to others.

Expecting others to read through a list and think "oh they're not on it, must ask" is unrealistic. Most people will shove their name down with one eye on their toddler who is attempting to make a bid for freedom up the stairs, and a mind on whether they'll get home before said toddler has a nap and what they can give them for lunch.

I agree with the others OP, you knew there were tickets and there was a list so it was up to you to ask. The others would have just assumed you’re done this.

I would also get out of the mindset that mothers who have friendship groups are ‘cliques’. At school, work, hobbies etc you’re allowed to choose who you chat to and socialise with but as soon as you’re a mum if you don’t invite every single person who has a child to everything you do it’s labelled as a clique. They’re not. They’re just a group of friends.

I don't really get it. If you see them every week and it hasn't come up in the conversation, then it makes sense no one said anything to you. And then if you haven't talked about it then how do you even know whether they are going...

If it has come up and they didn't say anything that's odd, but I would have assumed you remembered since you were talking about it.

The only time I've seen regular event reminders is when there is a WhatsApp group. There is always someone who volunteers to be the class PA and send links about everything that's happening - but you don't mention one.

I would be (slightly) annoyed at the organiser for not making the list more visible and reminding everyone after the class.
But ultimately they did say it was a ticketed event so waiting until the week before to enquire about it wasn't a great move.

I agree with this 👆 The others probably don't know that you're not going, or thought you had other plans.

Can you actually explain why you didn’t put your name down, op?

You lost me at "overkeen mothers making friends for their children" 🙄

You knew the party would be limited spaces. But you expected everyone to do your admin for you?