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Original poster

Husband always moaning when I go to work

137 replies

LucieNoel · 15/12/2025 05:04

Dh currently doesn’t work due to health reasons. I work part time.
As dh is the one at home he takes dc to school a couple of days a week and looks after them one weekend day.

For a while now he’s been complaining about this. Telling me I should get a job that fits around school hours and no way should I be working at the weekend ( we always have one weekend day free).
He knew the days/hours I was working and we both agreed it would be ok.

Im fed up of coming home to him moaning that he’s had to look after his own children. In the week he does one school drop off and one pick up. He has the rest of the day/s to do as he pleases. I’ve told him not to bother with chores but that’s another thing. He will moan that by the time I’ve got home he’s had to do this and that.
When I’m home we share any chores and that’s usually fine. Just seems when I’m at work he doesn’t like to do anything but chooses to do it anyway.

It’s tiring being at work and coming home to a moan. I can understand the weekend day as he has to find activities for our dc which can be tricky as they are different ages.

Ive told him how lucky he is to get to spend this time with dc. I don’t get a day with them without dh. I would quite like that as I don’t find it stressful.

Aibu expecting dh to look after our dc whilst I’m at work? If most agree I am, then I will look for another job that suits our family better.

OP posts:
Artmumcreative · 15/12/2025 06:02

I'm a stay at home mum and I do pretty much all the childcare because I'm available to do it. That's just how it works. The person at work can't do as much home-based stuff.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/12/2025 05:45

You should get a job around school hours? Is that so the one thing he does is now your job as well? Which makes him completely redundant since he does no chores and doesn’t work.

I feel for him being unwell and not being able to work. But complaining about the only job in the house is rich.

Sloelydoesit · 15/12/2025 05:44

So he can't work but can do household stuff despite his disability?
How much household stuff can he do? Hours per week for example

BountifulPantry · 15/12/2025 05:36

Well he needs to actually contribute to family life???

If he can’t work he needs to be caring for the kids/ home!

If he does neither then what’s the point of him being there? (Excepting profound disability of course.)

PermanentTemporary · 15/12/2025 05:24

Yes it’s very hard being stopped from work for health reasons. I do feel for him as far as that goes. However if he is physically able to do the drop offs and chores (not a given), he will probably find life a bit more satisfying if he contributes more.

Is he depressed? Sounds like it.

Justlostmybagel · 15/12/2025 05:24

LucieNoel · 15/12/2025 05:18

I get the impression he is envious that I’m able to go to work and he’s stuck at home. He has always worked up until he was unable to. The reason he can’t work is unlikely to improve.

Then he needs to get with the program of being a stay-at-home-dad.

Maybe suggest some counselling to him, if you think he's struggling with the change.

Original poster
LucieNoel · 15/12/2025 05:18

I get the impression he is envious that I’m able to go to work and he’s stuck at home. He has always worked up until he was unable to. The reason he can’t work is unlikely to improve.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 15/12/2025 05:16

I’d say get a full time job.

If he’s at home full time, then he is effectively moaning about his job, and he’s allowed to do that, but not to the point that it’s all he does, or it’s the first thing you hear when you come home.

Why on earth did you tell him not to bother with chores, and why isn’t he doing all drop offs and pickups?

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/12/2025 05:13

of course you’re not being unreasonable?? Does he just think you should neither of you work?? Maybe some people think that but most of us don’t. I’d stop being so tolerant. Oh you had to do x did you? I missed the part where I twisted your arm until you did it - no wait, I was at work so it’s nothing to do with me except you find it satisfying to blame me for your choices. You have a very supportive wife who’s happy to work and also doesn’t expect you to do much at home, when did you last appreciate me? I can remember the last thousand times you had a go, that’s pretty much the last few weeks.

suburberphobe · 15/12/2025 05:11

Doesn't want to take care of his own kids?!

That would put me right off him.

Zanatdy · 15/12/2025 05:11

How are you managing on one part time wage? Is he likely to return to work? If he’s home all day then yes he needs to be doing drop off and pick ups and caring for his own children. Instead he expects you to work around school time only so he doesn’t have to do anything. I wouldn’t be putting up with this set up. Money must be incredibly tight.

Justlostmybagel · 15/12/2025 05:08

No, you're not unreasonable. He sounds like a useless wanker.

Is his health issue something that will resolve and let him go back to work?