Husband always moaning when I go to work

This ^ He could well be struggling with the change and he feels unproductive in his role as a Stay at home parent. Men put alot of their self esteem into being the "provider"

I'd love to know what the "health issue" is which means he isn't capable of working again...

No disability gives anyone the right to moan about doing housework, when your partner has already told you not to do it.

A lot on here don’t really understand the impact of a possibly serious health problem and having to give up work

Having children and staying at home is a choice. Disability isn’t.

But, as the OP hasn’t said what the health issue is, it’s hard to say.

Is he in physical pain or genuinely exhausted to the point of needing to sleep/rest doing absolutely nothing for most of the day because of walking to school and back (given he's unable to work for health reasons) or is he driving the children to school when actually he isn't allowed to drive with his health condition?

That would make him reasonable - presumably he is very unwell or very disabled by whatever is stopping him working?

If he's physically able to drive/ walk the children to school/ look after the children without pain or genuine debilitating exhaustion and just doesn't want to, of course he is wildly unreasonable and YANBU.

You need to get a full time job, and he needs to actually do all of the housework and everything that comes with being at home doing fuck all.

It sounds as though his resentment is displaced- it is understandable to feel bitter about a health issue that has taken away his ability to work and provide but he needs to come to terms with that without punishing you and making you feel bad. School hour jobs are hard to come by and he needs to accept that family life is give and take and you have to contribute.

He either needs therapy to come to terms with the changes in his life or if his moaning is longstanding and exacerbated by his health issue then unfortunately it doesn't seem as though things will change.

What are the health reasons and for how long has he not worked? Is he getting treatment or likely to improve? If he genuinely finds to difficult to do school runs etc something needs to change but that might be him finding some pt work he can manage while paying someone to do the school run. What accommodations might he need and has he explored that? You sacrificing your income to facilitate him not working or helping is not viable. It sounds as if he would be no happier if you worked m-f .

Many SAHMs do have health problems, there are many threads about it on here. They don't get a fraction of the head patting this man has had from some. Many SAHMs also struggle when they stop working because they've lost a part of themselves and they, also, don't get a fraction of the head-patting.

Ball and chain...
YANBU.

Is it genuinely a big physical and/or mental strain for him to do these tasks because of his illness? If it were a situation where he was really in pain because of it and it was MUCH easier for me to do the tasks than for him to do them, then would try to do more, but I wouldn't adjust my work hours to do so unless I already had a flexible work arrangement. Otherwise, he's being absolutely ridiculous and I think you just have to either tune out the whinging altogether or make it clear to him that you have no patience for his (apparent) attitude that his time is more important than yours. And I'd be expecting him to do his share of non-child-related household chores too.

He needs to do more, not less. The idea that he is at home doing nothing except the school run and you feel sorry for him for having to entertain his own children for one single day a week while you're at work is intolerable. This says that apart from a couple of school runs and one day at the weekend, you are doing everything else - working, childcare, all the domestic labour. Absolutely fucking not OP.

Have you reminded him that these are his children as well. Not just yours.

I understand he’s going through a tough time not being able to work but he doesn’t get to take this out on you and expect you to change your job so you’re working and doing school pick ups and running the house.

Don’t tip toe around this issue.

What's the point of him?

It reads to me in the OP that the reason OP is working part time is partly due to lack of trust that DP can actually look after the children.

so many people read so much into OPs

I would surmise that OH works part time because of having DCs and that makes it easier for her, and up to recently her DH worked full time.

He is clearly having problems with this, and as with so many SAHP has nobody to talk to during the day so is dumping on OP when she gets home. We don't know the reason for him having to stop work. There is a scenario where what he is providing at home is also too much for his health condition (or that he just doesn't like it, or that he is still adusting to it etc etc)

OP and her DH need to discuss the situation as it is, as they want it to look and reach a compromise that neither of them hate. And build on that.

He sounds really flakey. He wants you to work, do all the school runs & help with the housework & look after the kids. If he is being useless could you drop them at breakfast club on the morning he is supposed to take them?

What is his health issue? It’s hard to judge without knowing this.

Does he just stay in bed the other mornings when you get up with the children? It sounds like he resents doing any parenting at all. You would be better off without him tbh.

If he cant work is ge well enough to do this other stuff? Would you be better working more and getting a cleaner or mothers help?

Or is it just a mind set that he resents the home stuff as not what he thought he would be doing in life?

Its hard going from healthy to not being fit to work.

So if its that, i do think some structure, friends and a volunteer role might help a bit.

I know there is a gap between beinh fit for some limited work and what an employer wants, especially with fluctuating conditions, so thats why volunteer stuff can fit.

It reads to me in the OP that the reason OP is working part time is partly due to lack of trust that DP can actually look after the children.

I don't mean just in the physical sense, but with all the moaning it is sure to be dragging them down.

I'm not sure I'd want to work full time either with someone like that at home, but I personally wouldn't keep someone like that at home. If he's unwell but wants to improve and can improve then sure, support him short term, but if he is unwell, could improve but won't improve, get rid. If he is struggling with some sort of degenerative condition or chronic illness that can't improve no matter how hard he tries, the least he could do would be stop whining and realise the best thing to do is make the best of a bad situation every day.

DH is unable to work now. It took me a while to get used to it. Luckily we have older children
I had a few threads about my resentment and him not stepping up. Which helped me vent and get some good ideas.
We had a difficult conversation.
Now he does more. All the dog walks, most of the cleaning and some cooking.
I work ft mainly wfh but with week long travel occasionally.

You do need to work ft
How are you able to afford on a part-time job?

It sounds like he’s saving up all his gripes and dumping them on you, which is not sustainable.

Who does he talk to during the day?
What is his “purpose” now?

If you say don’t worry about chores, what’s the point of him? He needs a goal and a purpose, and he needs some social contact. So many men don’t have friends they can turn to in a short or long term crisis.

If he can’t get out, he could become an AgeUK telephone befriender - it would give him someone to chat to and give him something to focus on a few times a week.

Can he do physio or other exercise? This would also be hugely beneficial

he needs to be told that you will continue to work the previously agreed hours to keep having some sort of family income.
Or you tell him you will be going for a full-time role.

But he does need to come to terms with the fact that this is probably going to be his life for the foreseeable, and to accept that he needs to pick up the bulk of the parenting etc etc.

You should get a full time job and he can take up the slack at home, lazy fucker that he is

@YellowCherry that advice was something that came from a book I read a million years ago about raising children in a positive way. It was mainly to do with men having a completely shit time at work, coming home and ranting at their wife about it. The therapist said when you pull your car into the drive, remember that the people in that house love you and want to see you. They are not responsible for the mood your boss/co-worker/other road users put you in so don't bring it home. If you do want to talk about it try to leave it until the children are in bed, and use a calm voice.

I of course was the sahm completely frustrated because I didn't choose it but Dh had nothing to do with my health. I wanted him to look forward to coming home. It was hard because if he asked how I was then the answer would honestly be in pain and very tired. Now he knew this, I knew this, it is just a statement of fact. He was as hands on as he could possibly be. He couldn't do more. So why rant at him?

There has to be acceptance of the situation, this is what it is. There is no point dwelling on what you wish it could be, that way madness lies. They need to talk.

If he can't work OP are there any other hobbies or interests he could pursue to give him a bit more structure / enjoyment/ purpose ? I can understand that it would be hard to be at home and out of work if that is not what he wants and there is no end in sight.
That aside he needs to parent his own kids. And do any housework/ home.stuff that needs doing when you are at work. Obviously. My mind is a bit blown that he can't see that. He is an adult and a father and a husband even if he can't do paid employment right now.
You need to do a job that you like and can manage. It isn't fair that he is moving the goalposts after you agreed the hours in your job would be Ok with him. Xx

Why can't he go to work?