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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed with DD21

135 replies

Riverz · 15/12/2025 03:38

DD21 lives at home. She went out today to meet some friends. She works shifts and was out late Saturday night because of it, got up Sunday early and drove 60 miles down the motorway. So she’s had only a few hours sleep

It’s 3.30am and she’s not home yet, still with her friends but not staying over with them she’s sitting in her car in a car park talking. I asked when she would be home and that it’s not safe to drive tired. she said she was fine she had drunk an energy drink!

I think it’s irresponsible tbh and I know she’s 21 but I’ve had trouble getting to sleep over it from worry. She has a 1.5 hour drive home yet on no sleep?

I checked she was safe she said she was. Just not tired and not coming home yet

I once got caught out unexpectedly overwhelmingly tired driving and it was quite scary I had to pull over and sleep in the car (she isn’t doing that)

OP posts:
AmberSpy · 15/12/2025 07:26

Riverz · 15/12/2025 07:06

I’ve had her on the tracking since she started secondary school

I do think I am anxious however she’s in a place she doesn’t know with a friend she has only recently met and I don’t know who they are, it’s the middle of winter and she is asleep in a car. The whole thing is a bit off and also unusual

She's an adult, it's really none of your business. When are you going to turn off the tracking? When she's 25? 30?

Think about this situation from the perspective of a bystander. You've been up most of the night watching exactly where your grown adult daughter is and stressing about it. It's causing you so much anxiety that you've come to Mumsnet to post about it. But this is all totally unnecessary – you don't need to know where she is every second of every day. You have done the hard part of parenting and produced a young adult who works, drives, and has a social life. You have to trust her to manage herself. After all, I'm willing to bet that nobody was tracking you when you were her age, but you appear to have survived.

Original poster
Riverz · 15/12/2025 07:06

I’ve had her on the tracking since she started secondary school

I do think I am anxious however she’s in a place she doesn’t know with a friend she has only recently met and I don’t know who they are, it’s the middle of winter and she is asleep in a car. The whole thing is a bit off and also unusual

OP posts:
AmberSpy · 15/12/2025 07:03

It sounds like you're tracking her, if you can see where she is? This sounds rather unhealthy if I'm being honest. Absolutely no need to be doing that with a fully grown adult.

Lookingforthejoy · 15/12/2025 05:42

The issue here is your anxiety which is effecting you’re behaviour - the constant checking where she is.

At 21 I had so much more energy than I do in my 40s. It was like a super power compared to now.

user0987637829 · 15/12/2025 05:42

I think you may need to try and relax. And definitely don’t get annoyed with her. Days before phone trackers/find my phone, my parents would have no idea where I was all weekend, especially since I no longer lived at home from aged 19.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 15/12/2025 05:39

This is why I removed DD from that ‘find a phone’ thing on my iPhone … drove myself mad looking at that.

Try and get some sleep OP. She’s prob with a fella.

CheshireDing · 15/12/2025 05:35

Presumably she's asleep in the car then.

Original poster
Riverz · 15/12/2025 05:12

She still hasn’t come home or let me know she’s ok since 2am

I can see she’s in the same place so am I assuming she’s ok? She’s been in a public car park for 6 hours

OP posts:
Firefumes · 15/12/2025 04:15

Honestly I think you sound very concerned but potentially overly so given she’s a grown adult, isn’t alone, and has a car? I could understand the worry for a lone teen daughter on public transport…but that isn’t her situation.

To a certain degree as a parent you’re going to worry, but you also have an adult and perhaps you need to ease up.

I think from your perspective you’d be better off just saying if she needs you, to contact you, no matter what you’ll come get her in an emergency. And then trust her and let yourself go to sleep instead of waiting up for her.

and honestly I think part of this is why adults shouldn’t live with their parents! I’m in my 20s and briefly moved in with my parents after uni before moving back out - as I just needed independence back. It’s not unusual for someone who’s 21 to be out at 3am.

FestiveBauble · 15/12/2025 04:02

I think driving when really tired is dangerous - however we all function on different levels of sleep. My level of tired could be totally different from someone else’s.

As a one off I could definitely be safe doing that drive, even if I’d had little sleep the night before. If I’d had a week of poor sleep, that would be different!