To be annoyed with DD21

I don’t know why you keep asking this. It’s irrelevant.

Tracking wasn’t a thing when I was 21 (thank God).

I don’t see why that’s relevant

OP is allowed to be anxious but she shouldn’t but that anxiety onto her daughter. When I was 21 I was living away from home in a foreign country and by parents didn’t have a single clue about who I was with or when I got home.

I’m sure they worried but I would have been furious if they’d started texting me in the middle of the night because of the location on my phone.

You are sort of gaslighting the OP, how do you know she's anxious, it is completely normal to be concerned by your daughter being in a car park for six hours, especially if she is not a girl racer. To solve this problem at 21, maybe you should look at moving out.

Yes. As do many of us on here. Who are all saying that the OP is out of order and that tracking an adult child's movements 24/7 is not healthy.

Do you have young adult children?

But tracking her won’t stop her being assaulted or prevent her from having a bad experience - all it does is tell you where her phone is at any given time.

You need to let go - she’s 21 and doesn’t need mummy checking up on her.

I doubt the daughter is scared of OP but more likely she’s aware that her mother is incredibly anxious and allows her to intrude into her privacy in order to pacify her.

Also I wonder whether the OP would have wanted her mother to be following her and pestering her in her 20’s, despite the bad experiences. I think this is all coming from the OP and she’s not doing enough to understand her daughter’s perspective.

Unless you are scared of your parents, why would you not do what you want. The problem comes with living with your parents at 21 which just wasn't common years ago. It is pretty selfish to arrive home at 5am when living with your parents and pretty stupid in terms of welfare preservation to sleep in a car park all night. It's the kid of behaviour you expect from someone more around 17,18 not a 21 year old.

How does tracking her phone prevent anything happening to her? Just because her phone is in a certain location, doesn't give you the faintest idea of what she's actually doing.

That's why tracking is actually pretty dangerous. It just creates more worry and anxiety.

Please OP, do yourself (and your daughter) a huge favour and delete this from your phone and let her get on with her life.

I wouldn't worry about it too much OP. My eldest (late teen) actually asked me for tracking to be used, I don't mind my two seeing where I am, DH doesn't have it on and that's fine.

I think if your 21 year old is living at home still then of course it is going to be different to the level of interest you take in their whereabouts. If my DD was in a car park for six hours even at 21 I would be concerned. It isn't something I would have done at 21 as it is not exactly 'typical' behaviour. Of course, when I was 21 I went to parties, went to clubs, but no, not a car park for six hours I mean unless they are 'boy racer" type that's pretty unusual. Mumsnet is going to offer a range of opinions that include posters where disinterest from their parents was their norm but like now all sorts of parents existed in the past and my Mum still worried when I went out at 18 and stiil living at home until I got in she was worried. Obviously, when I moved out, she wasn't there to worry.

Well yes. But if you are sat up until 5am tracking your (grown adult) child's location, do you really think she would take well to her DD turning the tracking off?!

I’d explicitly ask her if she still wants to be tracked. It feels like it is useful to help with your anxiety rather than something for her.

Do you have young adult children?

OP, please stop tracking her! She's an adult - she absolutely doesn't need to be tracked.

Yanbu. There are many studies about the driving tired that show the effects are similar to drunk driving. It's dangerous for your daughter and others. And people would be saying to report to the police if she was driving drunk. People have been prosecuted for having an accident after driving when they were clearly too tired to do so safely.

Don’t worry about the tracking thing, loads of people in the real world have the apps on their phones. Certainly people in my little corner of the world. It’s only in MN parallel universe that it’s frowned upon so much.
I’d have been worried too. You don’t suddenly stop worrying once they turn 18!
I’m glad she’s let you know she’s ok now.

no need to apologise.

For your own mental health i think you need to delete the app, or hide it so it is a faff to check (to put you off obsessing about it)

But you both need to talk about how your relationship works now she is an adult living in your house earning her own money. It is hard, but you have to let them go.

For treating her adult daughter like a child?

sorry, OP, i know it is worrying, but she is 21 and you have said your piece.

You need to talk to her about expectations in future. If she lives with you she is to be back by X or let you know where she is. That kind of thing.

What are you apologising for ?

You have to let her be an adult , now i don't know why she is sleeping in her car she does sound a bit reckless, but you are tangled up in her life, untrack her ask her to text you if she plans to stay out and go to sleep,

Don’t apologise unless you’re actually going to change your behaviour.