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Original poster

leave job because of dh mental health?

38 replies

worried7wiwuo · 14/12/2025 20:50

dh works 9-5 i work opposite basically 5-12. every shift he seems to struggle with the kids. they won’t sleep, they make a mess and run ragged and he texts me shit like can’t cope i’m done etc he thinks he’s having a mental breakdown and is burnt out but i don’t know what to do. i see his point, bedtime is tough because the kids are 4. 2 and 1 but i can’t work daytimes because of nursery hours. my shifts are back to back about 5 days a week. it’s a min wage hospitality job so not the end of the world if i leave. do i?? i’m scared he k@lls himself and id never forgive myself if i was at work when it happened

OP posts:
Original poster
worried7wiwuo · 14/12/2025 21:03

TheNestedIf · 14/12/2025 21:01

He can do it. You do it, don't you, and you work just as hard as he does outside the home. He just doesn't like it. Tough shit. He helped make them.

When someone is showing themselves to be flaky and incapable, the last thing you should do is give up the means to support yourself independently.

i understand this attitude and feel the same but it’s my kids who are getting the brunt of it :/

OP posts:
Original poster
worried7wiwuo · 14/12/2025 21:02

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/12/2025 20:58

Why can’t you put them in nursery for more hours?

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because they go to the nursery attached to their school. they’ve been there for a while already and love it and i’m not uprooting them right now when their hours will be changing soon anyway but my issue is that dh can’t see past the current day. i keep saying dd is going to have better hours at nursery from mid january and then i can do day shifts instead but hr can’t seem to see past each night and im worried something is going to happen before that point

OP posts:
TheNestedIf · 14/12/2025 21:01

He can do it. You do it, don't you, and you work just as hard as he does outside the home. He just doesn't like it. Tough shit. He helped make them.

When someone is showing themselves to be flaky and incapable, the last thing you should do is give up the means to support yourself independently.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/12/2025 20:58

worried7wiwuo · 14/12/2025 20:57

one is only in 8:30-11:30 so i can’t get a job that’s only like 9-11

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Why can’t you put them in nursery for more hours?

Original poster
worried7wiwuo · 14/12/2025 20:58

InBedBy10 · 14/12/2025 20:56

If hes so bad he may kill himself then is he fit to be alone with the kids? Or are you just exaggerating how bad he is?

If you can afford it, then I would quit my job until the kids are older. I can understand him feeling overwhelmed if hes working all day then coming home to solo parenting 3 very young kids. Do whats best for your family. You can go back to work when the kids are a little older.

no and that’s my worry. i worry about their wellbeing too

OP posts:
Original poster
worried7wiwuo · 14/12/2025 20:57

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/12/2025 20:55

I don’t get what you mean about the nursery hours? I’d fine a different job, this one isn’t working for your family

one is only in 8:30-11:30 so i can’t get a job that’s only like 9-11

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BigOldBlobsy · 14/12/2025 20:57

This is a big leap. I mean, with 3 kids those ages that’s a bloody awful bedtime for most parents! But to think that your partner may kill himself due to it is probably leaving out a big backstory in how he manages parenting/stress/mental health in general?

I think it sounds tough for the whole family to have parents working opposites like that with 3 young kids. Maybe time for you both to consider finding different jobs if financially viable?

InBedBy10 · 14/12/2025 20:56

If hes so bad he may kill himself then is he fit to be alone with the kids? Or are you just exaggerating how bad he is?

If you can afford it, then I would quit my job until the kids are older. I can understand him feeling overwhelmed if hes working all day then coming home to solo parenting 3 very young kids. Do whats best for your family. You can go back to work when the kids are a little older.

Original poster
worried7wiwuo · 14/12/2025 20:56

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/12/2025 20:55

God, no. You'd then have to deal with the kids after a full days' work or be financially beholden to somebody else.

but he’s not looking after them properly :( i came home tonight early to find them all awake, the place a mess and him lounging on the sofa and he says he’s been snappy with them

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NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/12/2025 20:55

God, no. You'd then have to deal with the kids after a full days' work or be financially beholden to somebody else.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/12/2025 20:55

I don’t get what you mean about the nursery hours? I’d fine a different job, this one isn’t working for your family

Original poster
worried7wiwuo · 14/12/2025 20:54

i agree which is why i’m not angry i’m just upset. i do feel for him, they’re awful sleepers on a good day.

hes made comments about it not threatening it but like alluding to it sort of thing, hes been crying tonight which he doesn’t do ever. im worried its spiralling too far

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 14/12/2025 20:52

solo bedtime with three kids of those ages is tough.

it’s a long way from there to he might kill himself thoygh. Has he ever talked about suicide?