To not want SC to move in?

Yes in my case all three us of did. It is possible but our mother had a strong work ethic which was instilled into us. We also accepted advice and help we received.

I dare say that the children in this case have been subject to lots of in school support which has not been supported within their home life.

Yes there are many kids that do well despite their upbringing and I am pleased that you managed it too - but what are the odds on all 3 dc managing it? It’s possible sure, but not likely. I really hope the 14 year old, at least, has good teachers around them. That can make the difference.

But why is moving abroad a problem?

The children would also have lots of guidance from school as well. Attendance would have been chased. They were only with op and dad one weekend a fortnight so what was happening in the home on the other days.

There are plenty of children who have come up through rubbish home lives and made their way in life. I know because I am one - rubbish dad fucked off when I was child and paid bugger all in child maintenance for his three kids.

They weren’t discussing travelling they were suggesting moving abroad.

But as you said their mother has equally let them down.

No, it’s the dad’s problem to solve. But after 17years he is still not willing to do any actual parenting. When he told his oldest about the conditions on her moving in did he say it with love? With warmth? Did he tell her he would like her to move in but there had to be boundaries in place? Or did he just follow what the op wants (not knocking you for that op)

Also, these are the ops dc siblings - they will grow up seeing how their older siblings were treated.

Why on earth would anyone plan their lives around the possibility of grandchildren? Oh, no, we can't go travelling because we might have grandchildren one day!

FFS

Because they don’t, that’s the bottom line.

Having empathy for the kids doesn’t mean that you consider this OP’s problem to solve .

Those children have been hugely let down by both their parents.
They have zero education nor skills, nor likely to have.
What exactly is their future going to be?
Benefits?
He has really failed them.
Do not allow his failures taint your childrens lives.

"Ultimately I’m not looking to live with or be financially responsible for SC indefinitely, and I don’t know what that means."

You need to know 'what that means' before you have any discussion with DP. You need to decide what you will be willing to do/not do, otherwise you're susceptible to being talked round to what he thinks you should do. Or simply agreeing with what he says since you don't have a 'better idea'. You'll also need to decide and state what you expect from him as far as being the 'primary caretaker' to his DC. Caretaker as in making them obey the rules, cleaning up after them, etc etc. And you need to decide if you'll 'go nuclear' (leave) if he disagrees or doesn't carry through. Hint: he won't.

As far as your work schedule, I'd be tempted to tell him that if you DO leave you'll expect him to have the DC 'per usual' if you have to travel or work a long day, just as he does now.

I think what he said to DD1 about what was expected if she moved in was really good, but he didn't discuss the consequences of not toeing the line. As in what would happen if she agrees to these stipulations, moves, and then says "Nah, not happening" as I suspect that her mother will 'encourage' her to do.

Tip: the way to get them to leave is to not allow partners in your home.😉

But it is good that a line is drawn in the sand about expectations. So well done, just keep going on like a broken record about it.

One of the neighbours has a young adult at home who just seems to be drifting. The neighbours (parents) have no idea what they did wrong as they both have a strong work ethic but he is in and out of low skilled jobs even though he has a university History degree. As dad neighbour said the issue is that his life at home with mum and dad is just way to comfortable and everything is paid for. They are struggling to get their 28 year old to leave.

I just can’t believe how many posters on here are saying the parents don’t have to house them after 18. I mean really?

Even if the dc agreed to all conditions in order to move in with their dad after their mum has kicked them out doesn’t change the fact the op still doesn’t want them there.

I don’t know where the step dad is in all of this but 3 possibly 4 parents/step parents and not 1 wants to help put these kids on the right path instead they are all thinking just about money. It is so sad to hear, and all the posters saying they agree with op clearly have no empathy for kids who have been failed massively by all the adults in their lives. No wonder they act up.

You’re not anticipating grandchildren then ? Or are you planning to be one of those parents?
Considering he’s got a lot of making up to do the least you can do is support them when they have their own families to be honest.

He absolutely would not, but something tells me this is unlikely to happen.

I agree if they were 16 but they will be 18. Legally an adult with a adult privileges. Make it clear to them at 16 what the siituation is. Offer guidance and support and be someone who they can talk to.

So if their mum kicks them out, their dad and step mum don’t want them to move in what are these 18yr olds supposed to do? And think how it will affect them and their future? The parents have already failed them massively in childhood and now they are going to fail them in young adulthood too. I find it so so sad.

😂

It almost seems like you didn't think through the consequences of having children with a man who already had 3. It sounds like you thought they wouldn't impact your home at all.

In the past year, they’ve all repeatedly said they’re expecting to move in with us when they’re 18.

If this is not happening until they are 18 you have no moral or legal obligation to house them. They will be adults and responsible for their own housing.

Keep the relationship friendly and amicable. Let them know you are available for guidance and happy for them to visit for Sunday lunch etc.

I do not have Netflix.

Why do they NEED Netflix?

Netflix is a reason for them to bunk off rather than being in school...