To feel a bit sad that I’m the only person in my household who would enjoy a fancier Christmas meal?

Watch me.

You know, you needn’t have dinner at 1.00pm. Adjust all your timings, so you have dinner ready for 2.00pm. Say nothing initially and during the morning when the question is asked about what time dinner will be ready at, just say breezily - around 2pm and ignore any muttering of shock. If you stick the roast in the oven to be ready for 2pm, well it won’t be cooked before then and nothing can be done at that stage. Have a plate of canapés ready to be produced if there are complaints of hunger. Does it matter if they do eat huge servings for the main course ? A little of everything is just as good as over-stuffing themselves.

They sound joyless and miserable OP. I hope you can have a merry Christmas, regardless

If you’re missing out on good food at least get some good drinks! Cremant or champagne!

Sure, but you can't force people to eat stuff they don't like or want.

So either OP can skip her starter/dessert and resent it, or make it anyway and sod what her DP wants.

I know what I would do.

Christmas dinner tends to be a meal enjoyed together...

I agree

I wouldn’t do the starter just because it seems mil and DH are not particularly supportive of your efforts and I think you’ll understandably end up feeling resentful.

i would however have a delicious breakfast, add some additional trimmings to your roast and absolutely definitely make a pudding. I’d probably also do some cheese assuming you can take the leftovers home with you.

don’t let their lack of interest spoil your enjoyment

I think you should definitely start cultivating the habit of going out with friends - or even on your own - to a nice restaurant on special occasions. Or having people over for dinner, perhaps while your DH makes himself scarce at his Mums. It must be hard to love cooking but have no one to cook for! I also second cooking for yourself. Letting go of the idea you and DH need to eat the same thing, or always eat together, is really helpful when you like different things or have different attitudes to food.

For Christmas I also wonder how much of this is just the meal, and how much it’s the the wider lack of a sense of occasion. It’s hard to let go of the Big Family Christmas when family shrinks. It’s something I’ve really struggled to adjust to. It’s taken me several years to come to terms with the fact I will never have another Big Jolly Family Christmas.

my DH and I have slowly figured out ways to make Christmas feel special even with just the two of us . We do things a bit differently. Sometimes we don’t even do Christmas dinner at all. We just pig out on cheese and indulgent snacks .

I wonder if you could talk to your DH about how you can make Christmas feel like more of an occasion, without that needing to mean everyone eats the same food. Your ideas about breakfast and the cheese board sound good. If he knows how much this matters to you, maybe he can help figure out some ideas and things to try.

I honestly ended a relationship with a live in partner because he simply wasn’t into good food, celebrational meals or anything that might make a mess- the year he insisted him, his elderly mum and me had ready meal Xmas dinners ( and I mean all in one tray ones) as it was ‘far less mess’ - was the year I made my plans to move on as I realised there was no way I could cope with more joyless events like this - he wasn’t a bad guy but I realised the lack of enjoyment over something I enjoyed ( food, wine, a bit of an occasion every now and then) was for me I realised a deal breaker and your partner should be wanting you to have a nice time and just go along with what you would like to do if it matters to you . I would seriously have a think OP whether you are really happy or just convincing yourself you are , because it’s small things like this on paper that actually can hi-light a mismatch

I would make a shepherds pie for the main meal on Christmas Day, but go all out on a Special Meal on another day with much smaller portions and as fancy as you prefer plus invite real friends to enjoy your efforts. Stop pandering to stick in the muds on the 25th. Your "feast" can be on another day. Make their day very plain and uninteresting.

1pm? Sooo early. I agree I’d make the the other meals as I wanted

We never have a starter Christmas Day, dinner is at 3pm. We start the morning with savoury and sweet croissants baked in the oven. Adults have smoked salmon and cream cheese, kids sweet with chocolate, jam or honey. They’d have stuffed their faces with chocolate 😂
The roast gets served and then we have Christmas pudding and churros as pud.
I’ve made starters in the past and it’s always way too much cooking.

Fine to make it for yourself but I’m with him on this, straight to main course for me

Are you at home for New Years Eve or New Years Day? You could plan and cook a full meal of your preferred dishes.

Steady!

If it was me I would have probably just gone ahead and made it and put it in front of them. I think if you are the one cooking you should have some freedom to make what inspires you (providing your obviously catering to people's dietary requirements/intolerances). I think they're giving too many stipulations to be honest considering you're the one cooking. They should have what's going, at the time it's going.

I think if you're eating at 13:00, a fennel and orange salad alongside some cheese and biscuits, followed by some mincd pies, would make a great supper!

No one is stopping her from eating what she wants, but ‘her Christmas’ can’t include other people eating things they don’t want.

Surely the best part of the meal is whatever is actually the best dish? That will vary from meal to meal. A traditional Christmas lunch cooked by a good cook is very good indeed. I genuinely like a fennel salad, but not as much as turkey with all the trimmings cooked by someone who really knows what they're doing!

The traditional Christmas dinner is more than a basic roast, and it definitely includes pudding.