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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel a bit sad that I’m the only person in my household who would enjoy a fancier Christmas meal?

165 replies

IndolentCat · 14/12/2025 18:31

I love food. OH sees it as fuel. I said will we have a little starter on Christmas (just a raw fennel and orange salad, with or without smoked fish, it’s lovely and very light). He said neither he nor his mum will want it because Christmas dinner is large- but actually we are only having a normal roast and no pudding because his mum has said she’s not interested in puddings (I’m cooking, but at hers). I just thought it would be nice to do something a bit fancier to mark the occasion, but they’re not at all interested.

I could make it just for me (OH’s suggestion) but really, what would be the point? Just feeling a bit sad that I am unlikely to every have a Christmas dinner or any meal which has more of a sense of occasion.

(OH has social anxiety and I don’t have any other family, he just has his mum. So it’s only ever going to be the two or three of us. Growing up and in my younger years food and meals in my family have always been a source of pleasure and a place of connection, but it’s just not like that now. I love OH and he is a really supportive, loving partner, this isn’t about him and certainly not a LTB situation!)

I am actually quite surprised at how sad I feel about this. I could cry, and that’s unreasonable I know!

OP posts:
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SunnySideDeepDown · 17/12/2025 22:13

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/12/2025 21:12

Blimey. Sounds like pigs at a trough.

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Charmed, I’m sure!

I can’t imagine eating a cold roast, which it would be if it took longer than 15 mins to eat.

It’s like people who boast how long they have sex for, when actually if they timed themselves, they’d realise they’re much quicker.

I see my parents weekly and have three young kids. Sitting at the table for 3 hours isn’t an option for us. We eat at the table, then move onto the next part of the day whether that’s a film or a walk. If that makes me a pig at a trough, then so be it!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/12/2025 21:22

OneBadKitty · 14/12/2025 22:24

Glad I'm not coming to yours for Christmas dinner OP!

Ours lasts 3 hours plus! We start with opening Christmas favours which contain small personalised gift and scratchcard and everyone picks a number which determines which novelty hat they get to wear. Then we have the starter, after that there's a bit of a gap and chatting while I finish cooking the main course- that takes a while to eat and more chat and plenty of wine flowing, then everyone is usually too full for dessert immediately so I always have a few fun games planned like Christmas Trivia cards, or Christmas charades. Then we have dessert followed by coffees and after dinner mints.

Usually have at least 5 of us, sometimes more..

That sounds like the sort of Christmas Day that I assumed everyone did. Till I went to my inlaws for the first time and realised that FIL ate very quickly and then just went into the other room on his own. I was a bit shocked at the speed of it all, it was a little bit "get the meal out the way so we can go and sit in front of the telly" type of feeling. And MIL did everything while all FIL did was make coffee afterward.

They have got better as the years have gone on, and now we all sit chatting taking our time a bit more.

Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2025 21:17

I celebrate with 2 very much loved people who both have ARFID. After depriving myself too many times, I learned that it is absolutely worth the effort to make something just for me on a special occasion.

Sometimes I make a small portion. Sometimes I freeze the extra and have it for later. Sometimes I just revel in having leftovers all to myself for several days.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/12/2025 21:12

SunnySideDeepDown · 14/12/2025 20:51

Genuinely interested how anyone makes a meal with 3 people last longer than 30mins?

It’s different if you’re dining with long lost relatives and have years or life to catch up on, but this is you, your partner and your MIL. How much is there to say?

There’ll be 7 of us for Christmas dinner. We go straight in for the roast (which will stuff us), probably 15mins max. Then the kids will have pudding whilst we tidy away. Then maybe an hour later the adults will have pudding. I see my parents multiple times a month, so we’ll just eat, chat about rubbish for a bit and move onto the next part of the day. Isn’t that normal?

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Blimey. Sounds like pigs at a trough.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 17/12/2025 20:16

Sounds perfect! Seems you've reached the best balance. Enjoy your treats!

Original poster
IndolentCat · 17/12/2025 18:43

why are they even at MILs if she’s not bothered about Christmas dinner??

She initially said she didn’t mind being alone because it’s only a day; but when DP probed a bit it turned out she did want company after all.

I’ve made my peace with it. It’s a day- we will keep a few gifts at home and have another Christmas when we’re back, just the two of us or with my dc. Mil is quite elderly and I’m happy to go and keep her company, be a buffer for my dp who hates going there for Christmas, and make her feel happy and loved. That’s what it’s about, isn’t it?

(I may have also added a few nice bits to the shopping list which I’ll probably be the only person eating, so… 😁😇)

OP posts:
MyMiniMetro · 17/12/2025 16:51

BeeHive909 · 14/12/2025 23:29

Kindly I think you’re being unreasonable. There’s nothing wrong with them wanting it the way they want it too. I also wouldn’t eat your fancy starter as it’s not for me. Sounds like you are missing part of your past . In relationships it’s equal. Make the food you would like as a starter but don’t make it awkward when they don’t want it. You don’t have to stay with them the full afternoon surely. We all have traditions. Like ours is food, rest, walk and then a Christmas movie. Time to make yours.

Nah, it really wouldn’t hurt for OB and MIL to have a go at a little starter and make something of Christmas Dinner. As I’ve said elsewhere, why are they even at MILs if she’s not bothered about Christmas dinner??

NostalgiaWhore · 16/12/2025 13:46

If you are cooking, you are in charge. Just make the Christmas dinner you would like and serve it to all three. If they don't eat it (they will), store it for tomorrow or the next day. We always have a late lunch (3pm ish) at Christmas and the "dessert" becomes our tea at about 6pm because it IS all too much in one go. They will be peckish by then too, I am sure, and grateful for your forethought. Your DH is probably just saying that to save you the extra time etc.

MightyGoldBear · 16/12/2025 13:00

I have my own starter and dessert if no one else is interested. You deserve it ! People can do what they want that includes you.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 16/12/2025 12:59

Aposterhasnoname · 16/12/2025 11:07

Why does his mum get to dictate the start, and particularly the finish, time in your house?

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You actually need to read at least the ops posts, as the answers are in there, it’s his mums house,

Flowerslamp · 16/12/2025 11:10

I love food and I love a fancy starter, but for me Christmas is a feast day. It's all about a loaded table, rather than fancy starters. I never have a starter with Christmas dinner, although I would do dessert in your situation, even if I knew no one else wanted it.

Aposterhasnoname · 16/12/2025 11:07

IndolentCat · 14/12/2025 18:48

I mean, I have got things I can nibble and eat (and drink!) but it’s more the enjoyment of the meal itself. We used to have ours later on, stretching it through the day, and make it a real occasion, but his mum wants it at 1 o’clock and it’ll be done and dusted by 1:30. God knows what we’ll do for the rest of the afternoon!

i might see if I have any friends who’d be up for another go at it. I was thinking of taking myself out for my birthday in January actually, because it’s occurred to me that while I’m also an introvert, I’m in danger of shrinking my world to a smaller size than i really want it to be.

Why does his mum get to dictate the start, and particularly the finish, time in your house?

steppemum · 16/12/2025 11:03

You said the meal would be 'just a normal roast'
but why?
I know you are doing slow cooked lamb, but it is up to you what you put with it.
You can have more sides than normal, decide to do sprouts with chestnuts or honey roast parsnips or pigs in blankets, whatever you want. Jazz it up a bit and make it special.
If MIL and DH just have a taste or don't taste, that is OK, don't woryy, it was there, it made it special, it is up to them if they want to try it or not.

and definitely do a pudding. I woudl buy one of the single person christmas puds, turn the lights out and drench it in warm brandy and set it alight
Doesn't matter if you don't eat it. It is part of the fun.

IndominusRex · 16/12/2025 10:55

I’m not a huge fan of Christmas food but my husband loves it so we have a big traditional dinner. I’ve started doing myself a fancy seafood Christmas Eve dinner which is much more my cup of tea so we get the best of both worlds now.

superbakedpotato · 16/12/2025 10:04

Tell DH how sad you feel, tell him you'd like to make a starter for all of you, and if they don't eat much of it that's OK, but it would make you happy to make an occasion out of it.

If he's supportive and understanding like you say, I'm sure he will be on board. If not - like others have said, make it for yourself. If they wanna sit and watch you eat your fabulous starter, let them. Enjoy yourself, life's too short to waste missing out on things you love!

MumOf4totstoteens · 16/12/2025 09:58

Maybe they think they are being kind to you keeping it simple since your cooking. You’re the host. You do what you want. If they don’t eat it put it in the fridge for picky bits on Boxing Day

BuildbyNumbere · 16/12/2025 09:32

In future, don’t ask … just do it. They’ll likely eat it if something is just put in front of them.

Bimblebombles · 16/12/2025 06:51

Your needs are important too. I have an autistic family member who needs routine and predictability on Christmas Day so to some degree the day is built around him and always will be, but it’s ok because I pick one or two additional dishes that I do to make it a bit different and then I invite about 6 of my friends over on the 27th usually and that’s the time when I really go flamboyant on the food and do some fancy different foods. Porchetta this year and the foods of Rome.

ColdWaterDipper · 16/12/2025 06:42

I can see it from both sides - we actually don’t have a starter despite having several foodies in the family, as Christmas lunch is more than just a normal roast really, and we sit around eating and chatting for ages, plus then there Christmas pudding / Yule log AND goodies to follow. Instead we have champagne and homemade canapés about 2 hours ahead of lunch (we eat at 2pm ish). Could you make some really lovely canapés to have instead of a fancy starter as then it won’t just be you sitting and eating?

Ohduckie · 15/12/2025 21:43

I have lots of examples like this in my family. It does get to you, especially at this time of the year, so please don't give yourself a hard time about it! Your starter sounds delicious - I'd definitely make that and buy yourself a nice pud from Waitrose or M&S. 😘

Lamentingalways · 15/12/2025 20:59

Neither of you are being unreasonable. I do feel like it wouldn’t kill him to eat a mouthful of salad to please you lol but he shouldn’t have to.

2dogsandabudgie · 15/12/2025 19:15

I very rarely have a starter, but I love a dessert. I can see it would maybe be a bit awkward having a starter if no one else is, but I would definitely have a nice dessert. In our house on Christmas Day not everyone wants dessert straight after Christmas dinner, some have it a bit later in the day.

MyMiniMetro · 15/12/2025 19:08

Frankly, I’d be dragging OH to relationship counselling in the new year. Relationships are about making each other happy. This is such an easy thing for your OH to score a ‘win’ on.

Literally, all OH has to do to make you happy is, for a couple of events a year, show some enthusiasm for eating your delicious fancy food. They don’t even have to cook it? Sooo easy - yet they can’t be arsed. I mean why can’t they be arsed to show just a tiny bit of enthusiasm if it will make you happy? Very selfish.

As for MIL, don’t bother with her next year. If she doesn’t actually want to do Christmas, what’s the point?? Especially her presence encourages OH to mimic her bad attitude.

claphamchaos · 15/12/2025 17:55

SunnySideDeepDown · 14/12/2025 20:51

Genuinely interested how anyone makes a meal with 3 people last longer than 30mins?

It’s different if you’re dining with long lost relatives and have years or life to catch up on, but this is you, your partner and your MIL. How much is there to say?

There’ll be 7 of us for Christmas dinner. We go straight in for the roast (which will stuff us), probably 15mins max. Then the kids will have pudding whilst we tidy away. Then maybe an hour later the adults will have pudding. I see my parents multiple times a month, so we’ll just eat, chat about rubbish for a bit and move onto the next part of the day. Isn’t that normal?

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I see my MIL daily, but if she comes round for dinner with me and my husband we sit with one course and a glass of wine or two and chat away for a couple of hours. We would never sit at the table for less than an hour even with toddlers present at Christmas. Its not about the meal it’s the culture of being together, enjoying each others company, chatting, celebrating. Proven in lots of studies to be really important for relationships, families, mental health, physical health (pace of eating etc)

Emmz1510 · 15/12/2025 14:42

Has your OH said he won’t eat pudding?
Honestly I would just crack on and make whatever will bring you joy and never mind them- what misery guts they are!
You may find that once the main meal has gone down, after a few hours, they will eat some pudding. You could even leave some at mil house, you never know she might have other visitors who’ll fancy some. Make something freezable or that will keep for a few days in the fridge, that way if they decide they don’t want anything, you can eat it for the next few days dessert.