To wonder what all these thoughtful gifts are?

Yabu. A gift is thoughtful if you’ve taken time and effort to consider what the recipient would like/enjoy/use - bonus points if it’s a little bit surprising.

I agree about the smellies gift sets unless you know it’s a brand/scent/product the recipient would definitely like. Also joke gifts and “stocking stuffers” that are just designed to be opened and will never be used. I keep getting ads for joke granny pants the size of a t shirt. Pure tat!

An older relative has announced she’s getting everyone pyjamas this year which would be quite practical except she hasn’t asked if anyone wears pyjamas (I don’t because I get too hot) or asked for anyone’s sizes

It's mostly snobbery on MN. Get them a Molton Brown or L'Occitane gift set ,they wouldn't be moaning.

Nah just sneery?

I don't like a gift set from Boots, cause they all irritate my skin. Didn't realise that made me a snob?

Now get a bottle of Sanex 0 and I'm in heaven....

See that's the difference between thoughtful and not thoughtful.

I love a boxed gift set from Boots. I'm not a snob though.

Someone used to buy me a Bayliss and Harding gift set. That's the very definition of thoughtless. I knocked the farce on the head by saying let's not do presents any more, COL blar blar. A friend also buys me what she'd like. It's the opposite of anything that would ever appeal to me. Crystals etc but her heart is in the right place, so 🤷‍♀️

She’s being polite 🤨

I saw so many people panic buying those gift sets in Boots yesterday I would be really pissed off in anybody got me one of those - total waste of money with zero effort just buying for buyings sake. Even something that cost £1 but the buyer knew i liked would mean more than one of those crappy boxes.

I’m a bit like that. I love Sainsbury’s pjs, socks and nice chocolate, always appreciate fancier toiletries than I would usually buy myself or any kind of lip balm, hoping for some decent slippers this year. They’d be thoughtful gifts if they were bought for me but someone else might find them tat?

I’ve said elsewhere that I try to be thoughtful when I buy gifts so it might be me that’s pissed you off. But all I mean is that I do try to buy things I know will be welcomed by the recipient, and not just grab a generic boots 3 for 2 toiletry set because I don’t know them well enough to pick something else. But I don’t think that makes me special - most people do the same I’m sure!

DD is getting a lot of stuff that would probably be considered tat for others this year, but like you I have put a lot of thought into it and I know just the exact type of tat she’d like and what’s likely to be used/ played with for a decent length of time and I have a fairly good success rate at that. Again though, I don’t think it makes me special.

For my mum when she was still here I’d always do experiences/ trips/ time together as I know that’s what she valued. DH genuinely likes to be stocked up on his clothing basics at Christmas (so he never has to think about clothes shopping again through the year!) and beyond that just wants beer and snacks. I tried to do thoughtful gifts for in laws the first year, in the same vein as what my mum would have loved, and it ended up awkward and more trouble than it was worth and so what’s actually thoughtful for them is to just leave them to it - DH gets them a book or two related to their interests and maybe some pickles for his dad/ chocolates for his mum. Honestly anything else just makes them stressed out so that works best. They also like a photo calendar of DD and request it each year.

One of my best friends admired a pair of my earrings and said she’d been trying to find a similar pair in a colour to suit her for ages, but hadn’t been able to. I’ve managed to find a pair so that’s her birthday present sorted (we just swap books for the kids at Christmas)

So for me I only mean ‘thought put in to the type of gift the recipient would value and likes to receive’ and where I don’t actually know what that is just having the conversation to get out of exchanging gifts altogether, and I don’t think it’s something unique I’m doing.

I always assumed it meant something specific to the person and their interests rather than generic things like candles, toiletries, chocolates and the like. It probably applies more to extended family, teachers, cleaners, gardeners etc than to gifts for immediate family members because one would hope people would know their immediate family well enough to always choose something personal that they will enjoy, without it being an effort to think of ideas.

Having said that, there are threads here on Christmas Day every year where people express disappointment that their spouses or children have given them presents that show little thought or effort and have given them something generic, useless or inappropriate, so people may be referring to that kind of behaviour which shows somebody has made very little effort and can make people feel uncared for.

My sister was always a devil for buying something she thought you should want/like, rather than something you actually wanted … but then one year she knocked it out of the park by buying me a secondhand signed book by one of my favourite food/garden writers. I cherish that book.

i think the trouble is you can have an interest in someone's personality, hobbies and likes and still buy something that they may not genuinely like or use.

To give a really dull example, just because someone like reading and likes tennis, does not mean they will appreciate a book about tennis players.
Being truly thoughtful would have meant the giver realised that, but often doesn't.

It's the taking note of the specific type of chocolate someone likes, or the scent of soap that makes a generic gift more thoughtful. Or spotting a problem/annoyance that can be solved.

I see a thoughtful gift as putting “thought” into something. Like you take an interest into someone’s personality, hobbies and likes, so you buy them something they will genuinely like or use. Rather than buying someone something generic and random.

I know that my sil specifically likes things she wouldn't buy herself, like bath smellies, thick socks and chocolate. So for others that would be a thoughtless easy gift, but for her it's actually perfect.