To wonder what all these thoughtful gifts are?

Thing is, adults with specific hobbies and interests usually already have the things they want. I like yoga, I already have a mat, blocks, strap, clothes, loads of water bottles. Books? Thanks but I have a kindle and am quite fussy about what I read.

I think it's harder to buy thoughtful gifts these days. Everything you could ever want or need is readily available online and most adults have the means to buy their own stuff

Also my vegetarian parents were once given out of date non-vegetarian crisps from another vegetarian (the daughter of the aforementioned gift giver). Another thoughtless gift

For my son's 3rd birthday, he was given a toy phone where the packaging said 6-36m. That felt like a very thoughtless gift

Unthoughtful gift - MIL, goes to 1 shop on 1 day and buys all her gifts based on what is available there, irrespective of if the are suitable for the person she is buying them for. Then handing over kids presents and saying. I don't what to watch them opening them, as I don't think they will like them, and don't want to watch, but its all the shop had in. Shoulder shrug, "never mind Its the thought that counts."

I guess just something they like - for example my mum knows that we don't really need anything and don't want lots of stuff (plus can afford to buy what we do need) so every year gets us a selection box from our favourite chocolate company. It costs about £40 I think - for us its perfect, nice chocolate we wouldn't normally buy and don't taking up loads of space. It's thoughtful without requiring her to do any thinking 😆. Other people, however, would baulk at spending that much on chocolate and would probably buy something cheaper and other stuff they think we should like alongside it.

Some people do consider them gifts. My MIL would have to take 2 buses to visit her mom in a nursing home 3/4 times a week & would complain how she was cold, wanted something hot to drink etc whilst waiting & on buses. Often missing a bus getting a takeaway tea. So I got her a trendy thermos, heat pads for your hands a satchel & gloves amongst other things like a boots set. She literally coo’d over the champneys set & looked bewildered at the other things. I had to explain why I’d bought them & she still shrugged & said I see. Fast forward a few weeks later & on her many calls to me (she’d phone me whilst travelling to vent her frustrations) I noticed she stopped moaning about being cold. I asked if she’d used the gifts & she said yes & they were life savers. She ended up loving them & now appreciates that I was listening & trying to make her life if not easier a little less shit.

Absolutely. I had a friend (now ex, for many reasons, but this was certainly a symptom of the issues) who would always give me cat themed gifts. I love cats (I have cats), but I don't want clothing/tea towels/mugs/etc. with cats plastered all over them... it's just not my taste.

I love Molton brown shower gel. An indulgent vice as £20 a bottle is expensive & something I wouldn’t buy as part of the normal shop. So I put it out there as a gift idea. My SIL once phoned me up (after saying she’d get it) to say she couldn’t bring herself to spend that much on shower gel & bought me a dove gift set instead, some chocolates & hot chocolate in a mug set, I was obviously grateful. She had saved my shopping bill by a few quid but what happened was my kids had the shower gel when they ran out, the chocolates got opened & put with the festive ones, I didn’t even have one & I don’t drink hot chocolate. IMO if she wanted to buy me a gift I’d enjoy she would have gotten the shower gel. I knew the value instead she wasted money on things I didn’t want or even need. I got the sentiment abt the cost of it. But that was what I thought the point in gift giving was. To give someone a treat within your own budget

I think it’s buying something you think someone would like because it’s ’close enough’ to things you know they enjoy. An example is my MIL likes to get me books because I’m a literature lecturer so she knows I read and own a lot. She’s never once asked which books I enjoy, she just gets me any old shite. One year it was random vampire books because she also seems to think I’m a goth for some reason. Last year it was Carol Vorderman’s…

Also just not actually putting any thought in. Boots sets are an example if that person isn’t a big fan of Soap and Glory- many are so it wouldn’t be thoughtless for them. Chocolates would be an example if the person doesn’t even like chocolate, I know my mum doesn’t. Crap chocolates aren’t to everyone’s taste either, I’d hate quality street and consider that thoughtless.

😅😅

Bless 'er

One man's trash is another man's treasure....

I'd be totally happy with a gift set of bath stuff or make up. Still have fond memories of a Charlie perfume gift set I got one Christmas with the talc included...circa 1980

You’ve just described what I would say is a thoughtful gift. Something you think they’d like despite your thinking of it as tat

I had an aunt who congratulated herself on her thoughtful gifts.

I hated every single one😊

YANBU.
To me the "thoughtful gift" phrase sounds a bit pretentious - especially when someone uses it for a gift they are giving to someone else.

Even many "thoughtful gifts" descriptions on this thread sounds to me like pretty normal gifts, trying to come up with something which have a chance to work.

So I see the hierarchy as
Token gifts (small or generic, their main purpose is to exist and be exchanged/gifted)

Normal gifts (somehow informed by some information about the receiver, hoping to be a good match)

Special gifts (which I'd call thoughtful) - something which is really a personal match, from the examples here the signed book or "that LP".

Among the most memorable gifts I have received were two books, about 15 years ago - just normal fiction books but a lot of thought had went into them, I hadn't read them before and it turned out I absolutely loved them and always look out for the author now. They couldn't have been any more spot on. The thought that went into it really made it. It doesn't need to be complex, and can in fact be really simple.

The same person now just picks books from my want-to-read list which is still hugely appreciated but will never feel the same as when they actively chose them for me!

My comment wasn't about Christmas food. It was more about the annual posts,about Christmas (or halloween or easter) stuff such as bedding, towels, crockery etc that the eco-sanctamonious congingent of MN like to pretend we all throw out and buy again the following year. We don't of course, but it suits their narrative so the myth is peddled over and over again

I think this lacks imagination. My sister bought me a robot hoover on one occasion and a voucher where you take a test and they send books matched to what you like on another. Last year my boyfriend bought me a Harry Potter box to keep my things in at his house. My dad bought me a waterproof shower speaker. I’d have bought non myself but I absolutely love them all and appreciate the thought that went into them.

I'm obviously very easy to please because I'm happy with any present - as far as I'm concerned if someone has thought of me enough to buy me something, then that's thoughtful, even if they don't know me well enough to buy something that stirs my soul and moves me to tears.

Oh Love a nonsense fiend!! My brother is also a nonsense fiend which is always fun, a few years ago he bought me a bubble machine and I bought him a highland cow footstool.

Your people sound fantastic!

I very much want one of these butter dishes but they’re not in the budget but ONE DAY!

It just means relevant to the person. For example I have no interest in blankets with bells and whistles - no hoods, no sleeves, no pockets. For me, that is generic 'tat'. But my daughter thinks a blanket with sleeves and a hood sounds amazing and she would actually use it.

I try to be thoughtful and choose specific things for specific people, and I probably don't always succeed in getting the right thing, but I also don't just walk around shops picking up any old thing and trying to match it to a person.

A thoughtful gift might still be something I don't want - for example, I was once given a book related to my hobby, which was thoughtful, but not something I wanted. But I definitely still appreciated the effort and I love my friend for it.

A thoughtless gift is something that shows you've either put no effort in to it (eg regifted generic selection box) or actively shows you don't really know the person (eg getting perfume for someone allergic to it). I was once gifted cheap supermarket champagne glasses when nearly everyone knows I'm T-total. I was rather offended.

This reminds me of an article I read in Cosmopolitan years ago. They asked a self-proclaimed "gifting expert" to suggest thoughtful Christmas gifts that would suit a few different celebrities. Presumably to help inspire readers...

Slightly bizarrely, one of the celebrities was Geena Davis. The "expert" noted that Geena had narrowly missed out on being picked for the US archery team for the 2000 Olympics. Therefore, she declared that Geena would totally appreciate an archery set from XYZ retailer which the photo showed was a basic garden set. I found it hilarious that it didn't occur to this so-called expert that, given Geena's incredibly high standard, she would already have archery equipment and it would be a much higher spec than a kids' garden set 😂

Surely its just something you have just applied a bit of thought to and not just following the latest fad or generic gift.

I remember receiving a huge pack of nail polishes from my so called best friend. I didn't use nail Polish. Before I adopted my son I put a lot of effort into gifts for her children. I knew their hobbies and interests. My son received endless packs of crayons.

I don't drink much, I hate gin and fizzy wines. Anyone who really knows me would have noticed it, yet the number of alcoholic gifts I receive is astonishing.
Whereas you only have to set foot in my bathroom to know I like lotions and potions.
So literally just a bit of thought and an indication that you do actually know the person you are buying for

This is soooo true!