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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make DD wear a dress?

284 replies

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:13

She has a church Christmas carol service tonight. It’s a knitted , casual dress that she picked and worn many times before. Apparently all her friends will be wearing jeans/leggings and band/casual tshirts. She doesn’t want to wear the dress because all her friends will be in jeans. In my eyes , it’s irrelevant what everyone does and it’s a sign of respect to the church, the event and other people going. If she had anything else (other than her uniform)even remotely smart casual it would be fine , but she doesn’t(I’ll work on that situation in the new year). The dress fits her well and she looks great in it, but like I said, it’s not even that she hates her dress it’s about what everyone else will wear.
She’s not kicking off, but she’s not happy about it either.

AIBU to tell her she has to wear the dress?

OP posts:
DuchessDandelion · 14/12/2025 16:25

It's refreshing to see someone concerned with dressing respectfully when the occasion calls for it. In your shoes I would explain to her that regardless of what her friends will do, a touch of formality in her clothes is appropriate her but she may choose what that looks like.

Work together.

Original poster
EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 16:25

maddiemookins16mum · 14/12/2025 16:11

I kinda get it, from both sides actually.
Compromise is the answer, the jeans yes but maybe a different top?

This is what I’ll suggest to her when she comes out of the shower. It did sit wrong with me, but there have been some good points made , including about warmth.

OP posts:
chillidoritto · 14/12/2025 16:17

What would you make her wear if she was a boy?

My mum used to force me to wear dresses when my little brothers wore whatever they wanted. The memory still pisses me off to this day!

YABU

DarkForces · 14/12/2025 16:17

I'd let her wear what she wants but I wouldn't be going regularly to church with her either. She's old enough to make her own choices but they shouldn't impose on you to this extent

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/12/2025 16:11

I don't make my 7yr old DD wear anything she doesn't feel comfortable in. As much as I would love to dress her in a skirt and boots I don't think I'd actually be able to get it physically on her. She's a tomboy and hates dresses/skirts/frills/bows etc
Let her wear the jeans

maddiemookins16mum · 14/12/2025 16:11

I kinda get it, from both sides actually.
Compromise is the answer, the jeans yes but maybe a different top?

NotDonna · 14/12/2025 16:11

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:37

Which is why I posted on here. Considering top options now if I give in on the jeans.

Show quote history

‘Give in on the jeans’?? Seriously??
My mum was like you. I don’t like her much.

BustyLaRoux · 14/12/2025 16:10

She’s 14. Let her wear what her friends are wearing. This is not the hill to die on.

StrictlyComeRambling · 14/12/2025 16:10

The main lesson I want her to learn is to dress appropriately for the occasion

whats appropriate / respectful for a given occasion is socially constructed. There’s no universal law of what clothing means. Wearing similar to everyone else is surely the best general heuristic possible for choosing appropriate clothing. She’s right, she just belongs to a different sub culture than you.

PommesdePlume · 14/12/2025 16:10

That she actually goes is the main thing. If her friends are all wearing the same I'd not push it.

Keep the argument for another day.

PommesdePlume · 14/12/2025 16:10

That she actually goes is the main thing. If her friends are all wearing the same I'd not push it.

Keep the argument for another day.

Iloveyoubut · 14/12/2025 16:08

I still remember to this day being forced to wear a dress to a children’s party when all my friends were wearing their trousers. It wasn’t even the dress it’s just that my mum wouldn’t hear me.

Viviennemary · 14/12/2025 16:08

You are being totally unreasonable. Nobody has said she must wear a dress. Most people wear trousers inchurch these days.

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 16:06

CherrieTomaties · 14/12/2025 15:58

it’s a sign of respect to the church

Absolutely unhinged 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

How is it unhinged? The OP said she's fine with black trousers or anything that's smart.

If you went to a mosque, would you wear a mini skirt and strap top? If you went to a job interview, would you turn up in pyjamas? If you went to go round to a friend's house, would you wear a suit?

Learning about dress codes is important. People make snap judgements based on appearances all the time - clothes are a part of that.

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 14/12/2025 15:59

Fernsrus · 14/12/2025 15:17

Does the church require women to wear dresses??

Mine did. I rebelled hard. Now some decades later I hate trousers 😂Teens will be teens.

CherrieTomaties · 14/12/2025 15:58

it’s a sign of respect to the church

Absolutely unhinged 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:58

ChocolateCinderToffee · 14/12/2025 15:53

FFS. When I was her age my mother used to make me wear the sort of clothes she bought for herself. I was bullied endlessly about the way I dressed.

Don't be that parent.

She picks/buys most of her clothes. Preferably with her friends so I don’t have to suffer. She bought this dress, and like I said, happily wore it on other occasions.

OP posts:
Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 15:57

YANBU. Sounds like you're being flexible and not insisting so much as heavily encouraging. Also I agree that learning about dress codes is important, though personally nice jeans (no holes) and a smart top would be fine by me.

Original poster
EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:57

marcopront · 14/12/2025 15:54

It sounds like she attends the church regularly and you don’t.
This would mean she has a better idea of what is appropriate

Nah, she wants me to go with her. Every single week, sometimes twice a week when there are special events like today. The joys!!

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 14/12/2025 15:56

When my dd was in the choir they wore choir t shirts and black trousers. Not one single person asked to wear a skirt or dress.

Original poster
EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If you really want my post history I can DM you my previous username. I name changed because I do anyway every couple of months (I overshare too much) .

OP posts:
marcopront · 14/12/2025 15:54

It sounds like she attends the church regularly and you don’t.
This would mean she has a better idea of what is appropriate

ChocolateCinderToffee · 14/12/2025 15:53

FFS. When I was her age my mother used to make me wear the sort of clothes she bought for herself. I was bullied endlessly about the way I dressed.

Don't be that parent.

Mt563 · 14/12/2025 15:53

If you force her, she'll likely lose interest in church. She may see it as somewhere that values appearance above all else and where people are always judging. Not somewhere a teenager wants to be.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2025 15:53

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:21

99% of the time I agree and we rarely argue about what she should wear. For regular church services she’s in trakkies/jeans/leggings. Just to add , I’m not religious, this is something she chose to do (confirmation) so no push from me on that side.
However, I do think you should dress for the occasion and baggy jeans and a billie Eilish tshirt are not appropriate for a church carol service where she will be involved (not just sitting in a pew). Just like it wouldn’t be appropriate for a wedding , or at a job interview or plenty of other situations.

Show quote history

My friends sister trained to be an opera singer. She had an amazing voice and was in the church choir.

She was also a goth. Used to go with a black Mohican, studded belt and band t shirt. And this was 40 years ago. She’s quite famous now.