Page 7 | To make DD wear a dress?

EatYourDamnPie · 2025-12-14T15:13:49+00:00

She has a church Christmas carol service tonight. It’s a knitted , casual dress that she picked and worn many times before. Apparently all her friends will be wearing jeans/leggings and band/casual tshirts. She doesn’t want to wear the dress because all her friends will be in jeans. In my eyes , it’s irrelevant what everyone does and it’s a sign of respect to the church, the event and other people going. If she had anything else (other than her uniform)even remotely smart casual it would be fine , but she doesn’t(I’ll work on that situation in the new year). The dress fits her well and she looks great in it, but like I said, it’s not even that she hates her dress it’s about what everyone else will wear. She’s not kicking off, but she’s not happy about it either. AIBU to tell her she has to wear the dress?

Burntt · 14/12/2025 16:52

I’d make mine wear the dress but I’m like you OP and see it as a sign of respect. Normal service etc fine whatever she wants to wear but preforming carols is to me different

BarilynBordeaux · 14/12/2025 16:52

For what it’s worth OP, I volunteer with our church youth group and they almost all rock up to these events in jeans and trainers en mass. Some dress up a bit more - if she gets there and finds her mates have made more of an effort it will actually be a good teaching moment about appropriate wear. Either way you win 😉 Pick your battles at 14

FingertipSearch · 14/12/2025 16:52

Unbelievable some of the replies here. Of course there is dressing for an occasion, and it is a parent’s role to reinforce and guide this. As part of a choir you are there to sing for the audience- not make a statement or look like you are down the shopping centre. It’s a sense of occasion where she will be presenting herself in a group in front of others. Of course she should have some respect in the way she dresses, as sold any adult. All these posters saying YABU and that they hate their parents for telling them what to wear when they were a teenager 🙄

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 16:50

CherrieTomaties · 14/12/2025 16:47

Do you know the dress code of the exact church that the OP and her daughter are attending tonight, out of interest?

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Nope and I said in an earlier post I would personally be fine with jeans and a nice top.

What I'm disagreeing with is labeling the OP as 'unhinged' just for wanting her daughter to dress smartly for singing in church.

Original poster

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 16:50

ChocolateCinderToffee · 14/12/2025 16:44

But she doesn't want to wear it on this occasion. She wants to fit in with her friends. You seem to have made up your mind that she's going to do what you want no matter how many people tell you to unclench. You're in danger of creating a situation where, once she has the chance to decide for herself, you won't see her for dust.

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If you read my updates you would’ve seen I relented and agreed to a compromise. Not because of posters like you though.

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Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 14/12/2025 16:49

I voted Banbury. Until I read that she's 14!

Lindy2 · 14/12/2025 16:47

At 14 years old what she wears really needs to be her choice. You can give opinions but she's old enough to choose herself and feel comfortable and confident in her own decisions.

Be glad she'll choosing to take part in a nice activity like a carol concert. Keep interfering and making her wear clothes she doesn't want to and I'd expect she will not decide to take part in the event again which would be a shame.

Original poster

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 16:47

Sprig1 · 14/12/2025 16:41

I let my son wear a tracksuit to a similar event last year where he was doing a reading. Who said you head to dress 'smart' to go to church?

Good for you. I’ll be an old fuddy duddy and keep some limits in place.

OP posts:

CherrieTomaties · 14/12/2025 16:47

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 16:45

Titles are often quite misleading. If you read the OP's posts they make clear that she is not insisting on a dress.

We're talking about dress codes, so actually what your wear to other places is relevant. It would not be 'unhinged' to suggest that wearing pyjamas to a job interview is a bad idea. Neither is suggesting a teen singing in a choir wear smart-ish clothes.

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Do you know the dress code of the exact church that the OP and her daughter are attending tonight, out of interest?

NigelForage · 14/12/2025 16:45

Netcurtainnelly · 14/12/2025 16:41

This can't be real.
Wearing a dress is a sign of respect to the church.😀

This

JESUS LOVES LEGS

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 16:45

CherrieTomaties · 14/12/2025 16:39

Making your daughter (because that’s the title) wear a dress as a sign of “respect” to a church is unhinged.

We’re not talking about a mosque or a job interview here, so that’s irrelevant to my point.

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Titles are often quite misleading. If you read the OP's posts they make clear that she is not insisting on a dress.

We're talking about dress codes, so actually what your wear to other places is relevant. It would not be 'unhinged' to suggest that wearing pyjamas to a job interview is a bad idea. Neither is suggesting a teen singing in a choir wear smart-ish clothes.

NigelForage · 14/12/2025 16:45

You're being weird

ChocolateCinderToffee · 14/12/2025 16:44

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:58

She picks/buys most of her clothes. Preferably with her friends so I don’t have to suffer. She bought this dress, and like I said, happily wore it on other occasions.

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But she doesn't want to wear it on this occasion. She wants to fit in with her friends. You seem to have made up your mind that she's going to do what you want no matter how many people tell you to unclench. You're in danger of creating a situation where, once she has the chance to decide for herself, you won't see her for dust.

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/12/2025 16:42

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 16:29

I seriously doubt ALL her friends will be in jeans /leggings tbh. Guess we’ll see tonight.

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It'll be interesting if all her friends have been made to wear dresses in the end and she turns up in jeans!

clary · 14/12/2025 16:42

Sorry @EatYourDamnPie lots of churchgoers wear jeans and leggings and all kinds of casual clothes. And that's not just teenagers either.

Let her wear what she wants, no one will look twice.

ETA: You say she needs to dress smarter bc she is involved – but is there a request to do so? I am thinking DD who had a band concert last night, had to wear white shirt and black trousers or skirt. Anything like that? If that's not been requested, no one can complain if she is wearing jeans tbh. I think as long as the T shirt doesn't have swearing on it no worries.

(what you describe would be totally appropriate for a job interview where I work btw).

Netcurtainnelly · 14/12/2025 16:41

This can't be real.
Wearing a dress is a sign of respect to the church.😀

Sprig1 · 14/12/2025 16:41

I let my son wear a tracksuit to a similar event last year where he was doing a reading. Who said you head to dress 'smart' to go to church?

TheTecknician · 14/12/2025 16:40

This is one of those battles that need not be fought. Exhausting and liable to cause ill-feeling on both sides. Let your daughter dress as she sees fit and save your energy for serious issues.

CherrieTomaties · 14/12/2025 16:39

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 16:06

How is it unhinged? The OP said she's fine with black trousers or anything that's smart.

If you went to a mosque, would you wear a mini skirt and strap top? If you went to a job interview, would you turn up in pyjamas? If you went to go round to a friend's house, would you wear a suit?

Learning about dress codes is important. People make snap judgements based on appearances all the time - clothes are a part of that.

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Making your daughter (because that’s the title) wear a dress as a sign of “respect” to a church is unhinged.

We’re not talking about a mosque or a job interview here, so that’s irrelevant to my point.

InSpainTheRain · 14/12/2025 16:38

She gets to decide in my view. There will be plenty of hills to die on, this isn’t it. If her friends are more dresssednup than anticipated then she has learnt a lesson.

Whyst · 14/12/2025 16:35

If she turns up and everyone else is smart and she stands out then it’s a lesson learned . She isn’t going to though because she knows what her friends are wearing.

You’ve suggested something. She’s said no. She’s the one risking not looking smart enough, so why do you care?

Original poster

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 16:29

Soonenough · 14/12/2025 16:26

I am on your side OP. Dress for the occasion. And wanting to wear a band T-shirt is a statement and to say otherwise is disingenuous. I wonder how many of her friends have told their parents what they intend to wear . I'd try to compromise and let her wear her jeans but maybe with a plain hoody or top. Go and buy it for her if necessary maybe a red one ?

I seriously doubt ALL her friends will be in jeans /leggings tbh. Guess we’ll see tonight.

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Original poster

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 16:29

DarkForces · 14/12/2025 16:17

I'd let her wear what she wants but I wouldn't be going regularly to church with her either. She's old enough to make her own choices but they shouldn't impose on you to this extent

She’d be more upset about going alone than she is about the dress. The kid is … interesting.

OP posts:

Original poster

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 16:27

chillidoritto · 14/12/2025 16:17

What would you make her wear if she was a boy?

My mum used to force me to wear dresses when my little brothers wore whatever they wanted. The memory still pisses me off to this day!

YABU

Nice trousers and shirt/nice tshirt/jumper.

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Soonenough · 14/12/2025 16:26

I am on your side OP. Dress for the occasion. And wanting to wear a band T-shirt is a statement and to say otherwise is disingenuous. I wonder how many of her friends have told their parents what they intend to wear . I'd try to compromise and let her wear her jeans but maybe with a plain hoody or top. Go and buy it for her if necessary maybe a red one ?