To make DD wear a dress?

You are clearly being obtuse. The OP wanted (reasonably) for her daughter to wear something smart - not a casual band t-shirt. The only thing in that category that the daughter likes is a dress. The respect element is related to performing to an audience at a formal event.

This reminds me of when my mum wanted me to wear a coat and muff for my hands to church and I wanted to wear my bay city roller blue and tartan trouser suit

I think wearing a dress “as a sign of respect to the church” is unhinged.

Even in her first post then OP said "If she had anything else (other than her uniform) even remotely smart casual it would be fine". Yet you called her unhinged.

Sounds sensible OP. Shows more respect for the occasion and respect for you and your guidance. Honestly - the “let her wear what she wants” brigade are so off the mark.

I don’t think God or Baby Jesus will care a toss what she wears. What is important is her feeling comfortable enough to sing her best.

Jeans and a jumper! Was that really so hard? Wait til you have proper teenage issues!

She’s singing in a carol service for crying out loud. No advice needed. She wants to wear what her friends are wearing. Jeans & a t-shirt. Totally reasonable. The only caveat I would say to her is ‘will you be warm enough’? And her problem if she decides yes, and fails to take a jumper.
Ive 3 DDs and they can miraculously work out what they wish to wear (appropriately) without me EVER ‘making them wear a dress’, ever!!

OMG you are exhausting 🤣🤣

I didn’t need to specify a dress in my first post because I was quoting a comment in the OP’s FIRST POST. Which was about wanting to make her daughter wear a dress. Goodness me.

Am not surprised she is refusing at 14.

Will the dress make her sing any better?

Bloody hell, leave her alone.

It's not a tangent, it's showing that clothes matter and yes are sometimes a sign of respect or at least caring enough to make an effort.

You didn't specify a dress in your first post. I didn't realise you were just responding to the title and hadn't bothered to read OP's posts.

So you don’t advise? How do your dc learn anything? Do they just learn by turning up to things in wildly inappropriate outfits and feeling desperately embarrassed all night?

I guess that’s one way. Not one I’d take. I favour the old school ‘give advice in what is generally expected at a funeral/wedding/church service/job interview/bar mitzvah/ Buddhist temple, whatever.

then if the choose otherwise so be it. Unless they will literally be arrested

It’s never appropriate to force her to wear a dress, ever. If she’s more comfortable in trousers/jeans, that’s fine. As long as she’s clean & tidy it doesn’t matter.

I remember having to wear tights under those - in summer some of the older girls would be in American Tan and not much else, maybe a t-shirt!

I suspect if you push then she will resist all the more.
Assuming she is not Princess Charlotte I would not be too worried about her attire at a Carol service.

As long as shes wearing something that covers her in a "modest" way and the band tshirt doesn't include any offensive language im not seeing a problem

😂😂😂😂 back off OP

I go to church and we all wear whatever we want. If that's jeans or a dress that's fine.
For their actual confirmation service the DCs chose smarter clothes. DD chose a white sweater dress and several other girls had similar. Some boys were in suits but several like DS were in chinos and a polo.
If you are not religious then I can see why you think it's "Sunday best" but for a carol service people will be in a mixture with teens in more casual dress.
Some of the tween girls (and boys, come to think of it) at our church wear their football kit to church.

If you read my first post correctly you’d see it was the:

Wanting her daughter to wear a dress because “it’s a sign of respect to the church” comment as unhinged.

A dress isn’t, and will never be a “sign of respect” to a church.

That, is what I think is unhinged. No need to go on a tangent about appropriate dress to a mosque or a job interview.

If everyone else is wearing jeans and t-shirts, it sounds as though the daughter's understanding of appropriate dress is correct and the OP is wrong.

I agree with the PP who suggested she take the dress along in her bag or whatever, in case her friends change their minds. If she wears tights under her jeans anyway (only sensible in a cold church), she’d be easily able to whip the top and jeans off and swap if she needed to. Otherwise, she’d just be cosy.

I sang in robed choirs for years. The cassock does make it a lot easier! Unless it’s boiling, in which case you’re dying 🥵😁

I thought you were going to say 6! Let her wear what her friends are wearing.

I like @Greenfinch7 ’s suggestion of secretly taking the dress, just in case.

If she wears what she wants and it’s wrong that’s on her, if she wears what you want and it’s wrong that’s on you. You’ll never hear the last of it. In her eyes it’ll be a ruined event soooo embarrassing 😳 … and all your fault. Let her choose

Hell no, she's 14!!

And jeans can be smart. Its not like she's planning on wearing a cropped top and hot pants, is it?