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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make DD wear a dress?

284 replies

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:13

She has a church Christmas carol service tonight. It’s a knitted , casual dress that she picked and worn many times before. Apparently all her friends will be wearing jeans/leggings and band/casual tshirts. She doesn’t want to wear the dress because all her friends will be in jeans. In my eyes , it’s irrelevant what everyone does and it’s a sign of respect to the church, the event and other people going. If she had anything else (other than her uniform)even remotely smart casual it would be fine , but she doesn’t(I’ll work on that situation in the new year). The dress fits her well and she looks great in it, but like I said, it’s not even that she hates her dress it’s about what everyone else will wear.
She’s not kicking off, but she’s not happy about it either.

AIBU to tell her she has to wear the dress?

OP posts:
HelloDandy · 15/12/2025 15:09

I was made to wear clothes my Mum deemed 'appropriate' but I bloody hated. Dresses in particular. The days couldn't come quick enough when I started earning my own money and started buying my own clothes was heaven! From my own experience YABU!!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/12/2025 15:07

Sounds like it worked out well. I think most people get a bit more dressed up for church at Christmas particularly if they are involved in the service rather than passive goers. I also think you are quite right to advise on what is appropriate from time to time. Nothing worse than finding you've gotten it entirely wrong.
The hill I will die on with teens is not having a coat or a warm jumper.

Bpiece · 15/12/2025 15:03

Not quite the same thing but I have a very strong memory from when I was 10 (1973) of not being allowed to wear my fab new bright pink floral ‘trouser suit’ (tunic top + trousers) to the local Berni Inn for a family meal.
My father insisted that girls should wear dresses not trousers when going somewhere smart.
I can still remember the sense of outrage I felt + even though I think my mum was probably on my side,I was made to wear the dress.
…not that I’m still holding a grudge 52 years later!

Sgcloset · 15/12/2025 14:59

Do you really think God cares what she wears?

confuddledDOTcom · 15/12/2025 14:52

In my experience it's the people who never go who worry about what they wear.

The verse in the bible that people interpret as women should wear hats, is actually about not dressing nice to church. People would try to out do each other in how they attended and Paul was saying that they shouldn't go in their own glory. You're there to worship God not to show off your best dress. If God is omnipresent then he's seen you in worse than your jeans and T-shirt, so who are we dressing for? Go comfortable in a way that's not distracting you and doesn't show off.

ldnmusic87 · 15/12/2025 14:51

Most parents would just be thrilled their teen was willing to do a church carol concert!

Bloozie · 15/12/2025 14:47

I don't believe in God. But I reckon if there was one, he'd want as many people as possible to feel welcome and comfortable in his house. Active religious practice and church attendance is dwindling because it doesn't always reflect modern lives and attitudes.

I'd encourage her to attend in her Billy Eilish t-shirt and jeans, because that is what a young Christian looks like in 2025. That's the future of the church, if it is to have one.

I reckon God judges her on what's in her heart, not on her back, and anyone else in the congregation that doesn't do the same needs to give their head a wobble.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/12/2025 14:34

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 16:50

If you read my updates you would’ve seen I relented and agreed to a compromise. Not because of posters like you though.

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😁 I’m so glad. I wouldn’t expect anything less of you.

Menonut · 15/12/2025 14:30

I’m a churchgoer. Let her wear what she likes.
Jesus wouldn’t care and if anyone else does - sod them!

brunettemic · 15/12/2025 14:27

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:21

99% of the time I agree and we rarely argue about what she should wear. For regular church services she’s in trakkies/jeans/leggings. Just to add , I’m not religious, this is something she chose to do (confirmation) so no push from me on that side.
However, I do think you should dress for the occasion and baggy jeans and a billie Eilish tshirt are not appropriate for a church carol service where she will be involved (not just sitting in a pew). Just like it wouldn’t be appropriate for a wedding , or at a job interview or plenty of other situations.

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Die on that hill by all means but why you see this as such a big deal is beyond me.

JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 15/12/2025 14:26

Completely unreasonable- she is 14!! let her wear what she wants - surely the plus side is she is going, not what she wears.

She is old enough to dress herself.

Horsemadlady1234 · 15/12/2025 14:18

Why is jeans disrespectful in church. I’m part of a usually c of e congregation and most people come in jeans. Let her be comfortable

drspouse · 14/12/2025 23:05

Fernsrus · 14/12/2025 21:41

Odd church!

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Some fairly fundamentalist churches insist women wear dresses. Brethren, for example.

Fernsrus · 14/12/2025 21:41

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 14/12/2025 15:59

Mine did. I rebelled hard. Now some decades later I hate trousers 😂Teens will be teens.

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Odd church!

SergeantWrinkles · 14/12/2025 21:38

fgs op. No. You are being MASSIVELY unreasonable! Edited to add I’m glad it ended well and next time I’ll read the full thread!

Ddakji · 14/12/2025 21:36

Alls well that ends well @EatYourDamnPie!

DuchessDandelion · 14/12/2025 21:08

@EatYourDamnPie sounds like a win-win. Well handled.

Original poster
EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 19:41

Well we’re back. A lot of people were in jeans and a nice top/jumper/blouse. Some of the girls were in dresses/skirts. Only one person from her group of friends was in leggings and a band tee . DD was perfectly average (lesson learned for me) in her smarter jeans and her zip up , fitted jumper hoodie (lesson learned for her), rather than the baggy ones with dangly bits. She wouldn’t have stood out in the dress either tbh . She said she might wear it at the Christmas service .🙈

OP posts:
krustykittens · 14/12/2025 19:30

I think you are worrying about this too much, OP. Jeans can be smart casual too, depending on how you dress them and I think as long as she isn’t half naked or wearing something with offensive language or blasphemy printed on it, it will be fine. I think a lot of churches favour a laid back look to appeal to kids anyway. I do like the idea of bringing the dress anyway, so you can save the day if needed!

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 14/12/2025 19:01

YourWildAmberSloth · 14/12/2025 18:18

On the one hand, it's not a hill that I would choose to die on - but I have to say that I'm genuinely surprised at the number of people saying that it's none of OP's business what her child (14 but still a minor) chooses to wear.

Edited

Because it isn't. Even if she wanted to wear something truly inappropriate, it would be a better life lesson for her to be allowed to wear it and then be told off by the relevant authorities. As it is, though, the OP is wrong. Unless the choir have an official uniform, then what the daughter proposes to wear is fine.

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 14/12/2025 18:59

FingertipSearch · 14/12/2025 17:54

It’s not “old fashioned” to want your child dress properly and smartly when they are performing in front of a congregation. Or at any “occasion” for that matter. Parents who say it doesn’t matter are doing their children a disservice IMO

BTW, Being part of a choir is the opposite of standing out and doing what you want - it’s about conformity. Can a member of a choir start singing their own notes because it makes them more “comfortable”?

If the OP's daughter wore a dress, though, she would be the one who stood out!

PhaseFour · 14/12/2025 18:42

14!!
I thought you were being unreasonable when I assumed your DD was about 8.
Why on earth are you being so controlling about what she wears, OP. That's a bit red flaggy to me!

couldthisbe2501 · 14/12/2025 18:40

She’s a 14 year old, going to a church I’m assuming she frequents quite a bit. Who are these people that find casual dress disrespectful?

God doesn't give a shit, so long as she’s there, apparently he loves all his little children, including the ones wearing jeans.

YourWildAmberSloth · 14/12/2025 18:18

On the one hand, it's not a hill that I would choose to die on - but I have to say that I'm genuinely surprised at the number of people saying that it's none of OP's business what her child (14 but still a minor) chooses to wear.

countrymother36 · 14/12/2025 18:18

I would say it should be your daughter’s decision on what she can wear and she doesn’t want to wear, if her friends are going in jeans. And whatever, then let your daughter do the same,

if that were me I’d end up feeling and looking like a right lemon because I’d feel like I’m the odd one out, your daughter should feel comfortable in what she wears.